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I can't stop loving her...


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I met Sarah in the Autumn of 2011, she was performing at some concert over here in England, and we really hit it off. I really liked her and she really liked me, but for the next few months we didn't have much contact as she was studying in Spain.

In April 2012 we started talking pretty much full-time. We'd talk about everything, literally everything, and within a couple of weeks we were at a point where we told each other "I love you", and we both meant it.

We wanted some kind of relationship, but neither of us was too keen on a LDR at the time, but over the coming weeks, we just found it harder and harder to be apart. We'd talk all the time, call, skype etc, so eventually she told me that I was her boyfriend.

The next 9-10 months went by really smoothly and romantically. Although we didn't really get to meet too often, it was really fun. She helped me through some rough times in her life, and I got to feeling like she was the one I wanted to spend my life with. We talked about moving in and the future and all that stuff, and we both seemed to be on the same page about it.

One night in February, she made out with a guy at a party. But literally the second she did it, she called me up, she was crying down the phone at me and begging and pleading for me not to break up with her. I started to lose my trust in her, but I still really loved her, and we just called it a mistake and worked past it.

The next 2 months went pretty awkwardly... I mean, we still were being romantic and cheesy, but we'd run out of things to say easily - we'd spoken about everything we could think of, and when we messaged each other during the day, it started getting a little bit repetitive and maybe sometimes a little annoying. For example, I used to message her when she was busy with music lessons and friends. She used to message me and get mad when I didn't respond when I was in lectures.

Anyway, the day came at the end of April where she went out with her friends, and I just found myself not caring that she was going out. DON'T GET ME WRONG - I STILL LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY. But she was free to do whatever she wanted. She took this as me being mad that she was going out instead of spending time with me... and I'll admit, sometimes I had been being needy.

The next day she told me she just wasn't as happy as she used to be with me, and that she wanted to go back to a different kind of relationship - like, being bf/gf but without the name... kinda like friends with phone sex benefits (lol). I got defensive and offended her, but eventually said I'd be whatever she wanted me to be as long as I had her in my life - because, as difficult as it sometimes was to be in a LDR, I loved almost every second of it. She basically said no.

A few weeks later we had a rundown of what went wrong in the relationship.

Basically, I had put her high on a pedestal and even when I was mad at her, I'd never show it. I'd always smile, be happy, and tell her I loved her no matter what. She said I was too needy, and to some extent, I agree that I was. We hadn't gone a single day in about a year without spending a significant portion of the day together, and now she wanted to have more time apart.

The whole of May and June, we still kept in touch every day. We'd talk about random stuff, and in fairness, a lot of it was like how it used to be when we were actually in a relationship. We had good days, and we had bad days, but every day, we still made sure each of us knew how much we loved each other.

She came over to England for a tour this month, but she's in the complete opposite side of the country to me. The first week, she didn't really know anyone here, so she spoke to me a lot on the phone and by Skype. She told me that she loved me more than anyone, that she appreciated how I was always there for her and everything I do for her, and that I never gave up on her. She said she wanted a relationship with me, but we'd have to take things slow. But that week was just so amazing that I couldn't resist going over the top, and it ended with her telling me I was still too needy and she didn't have time for me.

The second week of July, she was fairly quiet. She didn't explain why until we met up on Sunday (Sunday was a day we'd both set aside where we went on like... a date day), where she told me that she likes another guy because "he says the sweetest things, and then he looks away because he realised what he said". She said she loves me more than anyone in the world, but that this guy was really cute and she really likes him -.- (she also made him her background on her phone).

I'm so sure she still loves me, I just don't think she wants to commit to me...

And I'm very sure I still love her. I don't know why I love her! But I do... she's just... she made me a better person - she was always there for me when I needed her - and she's the one person I care about most in this world.

I really don't want to lose her from my life, but she says I need to work on my neediness.

I fear, though, that if I stop talking to her, I'm no longer needy - but she's no longer in my life, which helps neither of us.

And if I talk to her as much as I used to, she'll start to resent me for it.

If I had to, I'd settle for just being her friend. But I know that I really want to be more than that...

 

Also, I'm slightly concerned that she is using me - I took her shopping and she asked me to buy her over £100 of clothes... but then can't give me a quick "Hi!" when I ask her how she's doing. In fact, yesterday, I asked her how she was doing, to which I got the response "Shuuuuuuuuuut up" because she was on the bus with a friend.

 

I don't want to get over her though. I love her. And I know I probably sound ridiculous saying that, but I just can't stop loving her and it's driving me crazy.

 

Is there anything I could be doing to make things better for both of us?

 

Thanks

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I totally understand the neediness thing and her wanting space. I dated a guy and we weren't official. I would never get mad at him, or say anything, and always be like his little puppy. All you really want is for them to like you and your afraid that if you say anything wrong they will just leave. Thus called neediness and low self esteem. I was the most confident person and I put all my eggs in one basket and became a basket case. I made them my life instead of incorporating them into my life.

 

Its good that you know you have this problem. And now its time to fix it. With my guy we went long distance after dating in person for a long time. I kept wanting more and more....a relationship and he was not in the frame of mind or good place in his life to give it to me. We have since decided to just coast along and he really thinks that when he gets his life together he will be able to give me what I deserve and we could have a relationship. I was heartbroken. I love him. Its been weeks and I literally still love him so so much. I feel like someone in my life is missing. I feel like someone died in my heart.

 

What I will tell you is that....give them space. You are pushing her away. I did it, and though my guy wasn't mad, it didn't get me anywhere but farther from him. Give Her Space. You have to get through your head that you are not with her and you need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. Be happy with yourself, and by yourself. I'm learning how to do that now. Leave the neediness by the door and be yourself. It seems like she was phasing in and out of your relationship and you knew this so became needy to try and keep her. Don't.

 

If she doesn't want to put in 100% of the effort, then why try and put in more than her, when you deserve it all. Think of yourself as a commodity to be won over. If she doesn't try and win you, then why go over and above to win her. I know its hard. I am still struggling with myself. I feel like I'm having identity crisis. You need to figure your life out. Not you and hers life. You. Do some soul searching. Make your life so good, and make yourself so happy that if she or someone else comes along you are content and happy with yourself to share it with someone who matters.

 

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and you always needing more from her is pushing her away. That saying always goes "If a guy wants you they will make it happen." This rule applies. Be the best you. Now the whole talking versus no contact debacle comes into play here. I'm struggling with that too. With my guy, I literally only want to be with him in a romantic relationship. I didn't want to totally take him out of my life so I agreed to be friends. Its been so hard to just be friends. Literally not talking to them really does help. It sucks and it hurts, and I should take my own advice, but not talking to them after a while makes you focus on yourself more. You feel more independent. Make decision for you and not around them. So I do think it would help you.

 

I wish you luck. I know the pain is real right now, and its cliché but, if its meant to be it will be. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, but it could be anytime.

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Thank you for your response.

 

I was never afraid she would leave. In fact, there were days (I'm ashamed to say) that I would have given it all up. But she fought for us. And now that I need to fight for us, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. She's now spending most of her time talking to this new guy who has somehow won her over with cheesy lines, and I know it sounds dumb and selfish, but this guy is using her and doesn't love her! I DO LOVE HER.

I was her first boyfriend, but she wasn't my first girlfriend. I'd had bad relationships in the past where I hadn't paid my girlfriend much attention, hence why they ended up leaving, so I promised I wouldn't do that to this girl, and somehow I ended up over-loving her (I seriously didn't know this could even happen)

I'm happy with my life, I've got a good job, close friends I can rely on and hobbies that take up my time, but even still - it just isn't what it used to be when she was in my life.

I'm not gonna sit here and say she was the perfect person, but to me, she's irreplaceable, and I would put in as much effort as it takes to keep her in my life, because she did the same for me before.

 

I'm just concerned that if I give her space, she'll forget all about me.

 

We love talking to each other, but it becomes awkward when we talk to each other... How do two friends talk when they've already talked about everything?!

 

A part of me thinks she's only spending so much time with this new guy because they have everything to talk about... They don't know anything about each other, so they can fill whole days talking about the stuff we used to talk about. But it's making me miserable thinking that I'm losing her from my life...

 

I'm sorry if this is all jumbled. But I just can't think straight!

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I totally understand the neediness thing and her wanting space. I dated a guy and we weren't official. I would never get mad at him, or say anything, and always be like his little puppy. All you really want is for them to like you and your afraid that if you say anything wrong they will just leave. Thus called neediness and low self esteem. I was the most confident person and I put all my eggs in one basket and became a basket case. I made them my life instead of incorporating them into my life.

 

Its good that you know you have this problem. And now its time to fix it. With my guy we went long distance after dating in person for a long time. I kept wanting more and more....a relationship and he was not in the frame of mind or good place in his life to give it to me. We have since decided to just coast along and he really thinks that when he gets his life together he will be able to give me what I deserve and we could have a relationship. I was heartbroken. I love him. Its been weeks and I literally still love him so so much. I feel like someone in my life is missing. I feel like someone died in my heart.

 

What I will tell you is that....give them space. You are pushing her away. I did it, and though my guy wasn't mad, it didn't get me anywhere but farther from him. Give Her Space. You have to get through your head that you are not with her and you need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. Be happy with yourself, and by yourself. I'm learning how to do that now. Leave the neediness by the door and be yourself. It seems like she was phasing in and out of your relationship and you knew this so became needy to try and keep her. Don't.

 

If she doesn't want to put in 100% of the effort, then why try and put in more than her, when you deserve it all. Think of yourself as a commodity to be won over. If she doesn't try and win you, then why go over and above to win her. I know its hard. I am still struggling with myself. I feel like I'm having identity crisis. You need to figure your life out. Not you and hers life. You. Do some soul searching. Make your life so good, and make yourself so happy that if she or someone else comes along you are content and happy with yourself to share it with someone who matters.

 

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and you always needing more from her is pushing her away. That saying always goes "If a guy wants you they will make it happen." This rule applies. Be the best you. Now the whole talking versus no contact debacle comes into play here. I'm struggling with that too. With my guy, I literally only want to be with him in a romantic relationship. I didn't want to totally take him out of my life so I agreed to be friends. Its been so hard to just be friends. Literally not talking to them really does help. It sucks and it hurts, and I should take my own advice, but not talking to them after a while makes you focus on yourself more. You feel more independent. Make decision for you and not around them. So I do think it would help you.

 

I wish you luck. I know the pain is real right now, and its cliché but, if its meant to be it will be. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, but it could be anytime.

 

This sort of paralleled one situation in my life.

 

I have an online friendship with someone that I have known for ten years. It used to be two things:

 

1. I would relish talking to them above anything else

 

2. I would allow them to be emotionally abusive towards me just to keep the friendship and communication flowing.

 

Now:

 

1. I don't miss talking to them

 

2. When I do talk to them, I don't allow them to get away with being emotionally abusive towards me, as I did in the past.

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Its a tricky situation. I feel the same...if I don't talk to my guy, he will totally forget about me and move on. So I would constantly make the effort and he could sit back and have a girl to date when he wanted. Now I'm not saying he did nothing for me. He has changed me in so many ways and I do love him, but giving 110% to someone who only gives 75% is not a relationship, its you being a puppy. If she loves you, she will contact you.

 

Think about it this way. You are afraid she will forget you if you don't contact her anymore. Yes. Well you keep contacting her and contacting her, and talking and talking. She gets closer to this new guy, they date, they end up loving each other. Now your the love sick lost puppy. It will hurt more than its worth. Stop yourself now. If she moves on and forgets about you, then she didn't care all that much and you don't want someone in your life like that. I know its hard, I struggle everyday. It hurts so much. Be strong.

 

What you said was interesting to me about your past history, and this being her first serious boyfriend. My guy was very experienced and had many serious relationships with girls. I dated, but never had a serious relationship. My guy was dumped by two or more of these girls who he was in love with because they wanted to get out and see what else was out there, so they left him high and dry. Over the years I think this has gotten to him. Before he met me a girl he was in love with dumped him claiming she couldn't see herself marrying him or being with him forever. I think he was more into her than she was him. This broke him. He loved her. She went off to see what else was out there.

 

The time before that his serious girlfriend did the same thing and has now moved on to someone else. It sounds like your girl hasn't really been out there too much and she is almost looking to see what else is out there. I know its harsh, but if she can't see your the best than you need to find someone more mature and better than that.

 

My guy has mentioned to me a few times stuff like "Oh well maybe you haven't dated enough or been with people, I would rather you get it out of your system before you get to me, I want to be the last one." I think the thought of putting all your effort into someone and them turning around a year or more later and leaving you is a fear of his. I respect him, but in the end him not being ready for a relationship hurt me.

 

I suggest giving her space. I know you don't want to, but you need to for your own sanity. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Someday she may wake up and be like "wow he was someone great and I blew it", and by then I hope you have everything you want in life so that she is a mere life experience. Good Luck.

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This sort of paralleled one situation in my life.

 

I have an online friendship with someone that I have known for ten years. It used to be two things:

 

1. I would relish talking to them above anything else

 

2. I would allow them to be emotionally abusive towards me just to keep the friendship and communication flowing.

 

Now:

 

1. I don't miss talking to them

 

2. When I do talk to them, I don't allow them to get away with being emotionally abusive towards me, as I did in the past.

I have the exact same thing, only then with an ex girlfriend.

 

OP, you need to realize you will be fine without her. It's hard to accept, it really is, but you need to do that, and you will do that eventually. You shouldn't do it because it gives you a chance to get er back, you should do it for you. It may sound selfish, but you should be the most important person in your own life, so take care of that person. She is not treating you with respect, so why talk to her then? You need to be a strong and independent man who can be happy on his own. Not the weak and needy man who needs his ex to feel better about himself.

 

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to wake up. She isn't your life. You are the priority in your life. A relationship is only good if you can love yourself, your partner and you two together. Can you really say you love yourself when she ignores you and you let yourself get walked over? Can you say you love you two together when you are being needy? Can you say you love her when she is using you?

 

So start building on your own life again, enjoy your freedom and do the things you want doing. Maybe she will come back, maybe she won't. But it shouldn't matter, as you'll be happy as long as you do the things you want. Go and make yourself happy, don't expect her to do it.

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Just so I've covered all bases, I just want to mention one final point:

 

The thing with this new guy has been literally just over the past 2 weeks. She say's he's just a friend, and still says she loves me, but that this guy is really cute and she really likes him (so naturally I've assumed she'd like more from this guy, but it could just be paranoia...)

 

The week before that, she kept calling me the love of her life and being really affectionate.

And last weekend when we met up for the day, she was flirting a lot.

She just seems to get annoyed when I message her when she's out (she's out most of the time now she's on tour). But she's with this new guy on the tour, so he gets all her time! I'm jealous, if I'm honest with you. And when she's at home for the night, she's really tired and only finds a few minutes to message with me.

 

I know in my heart that I probably have to give up on her... But I really don't want to... :/

 

 

Can I ask how things have worked out with your guy?

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Umm I will try and keep it short and sweet. I knew this guy in college as an acquaintance because he had dated one of my friends early on for a couple months and he dumped her. He had know this other girl as a friend and he realized he loved her and he told me that my friend really wasn't his type and he tried but he just didn't like her. So when he immediately started seeing this other girl (we'll call her Jesse) my friend was angry and she is very dramatic so she started spreading horrible rumors about him and hates him. I never fed into the stories because she has been known to do this and he seemed so nice.

 

Well a year later February 2013 he lived in my complex at school and we got to talking. He had just recently got out of a relationship with Jesse and he was heartbroken. At first I didn't see him romantically we just talked and suddenly I just woke up and realized I like really was into this guy. He was not the monster my friend made him out to be. He was smart, sexy, and down to earth. I started pursuing him. Texting a lot and trying to see him often. We started dating and I fell hard. He warned me that he just was broken up with and he loved her and he is still heartbroken and hesitant about jumping straight into something else.

 

We continued dating but things were rocky. When we were together he was all into me and cute but he would often go partying on the weekends and never invite me. It hurt my feelings and we had intense discussions about it. It would make me feel like not wanted by him. Sometimes I wouldn't talk to or see him for days and I would freak thinking he didn't like me and would cry and then he would text and things would be fine. I became paranoid and self conscious which was so opposite of what I used to be. I was his puppy. Planning my life around him. Texting him all then time wanting to make plans. He was bad at communicating and making plans so I stepped up and was chasing him. I fell harder.

 

I have a history of super shyness and inexperience intimately with people and getting close to people physically. I broke all my barriers and went further than ever with this guy and I loved it. I love him. He was so respectful with me and he liked me too but it was always 70% and I gave 100%. It drove me crazy. I jeopardized a lot of my friendships to be with him and i still don't regret it. He was graduating from college and I was going home for the summer. I wanted a relationship and he pretty much said "I don't know not right now" he has some health problems and wants to get his life together. He just wanted to keep dating and seen where the summer brought us.

 

We got closer and then we went long distance. He would call me occasionally. But I wanted more. I wanted to make plans to see each other and talk and Skype all the time. Our phone conversations were awkward. Same old stuff "how was your day" ethc... he was having a hard time at home and when I finally talked to him about what we were doing as a couple he said he didn't know. He felt guilty because I'm sitting and waiting for him. His life isn't in a good place and he said he can't give me what I deserve right now and he knows that he could do more once his life is better. He still really likes me and wants to possibly try in the future when he's in a better place.

 

Like I said before i also think he is afraid to jump into an relationship after being heartbroken. My mom thinks he truly really likes me but can't do it right now. I'm depressed and heartbrokwn . We haven't talked in weeks now but we agreed we still would. I love him but I didn't tell him. he said he hopes that when his life is more put together he will realize he can't live without me and he will fight for me and chase me.

 

He told me I could see other people and like I said before " I would rather you get it out of your system before you get to me I want to be the last one the one at the end." It seems like hes afraid I will leave like others have in the past. I'm not like that though I am so loyal and I don't date around once I like someone its tunnel vision to them no one else.

 

I pray he changes his mind and I would wait for him but at this point I am giving him the space he needs. I need to move on and I am. I'm not like meeting other people and I'm still not like looking at other men or anything. No one is as great as my guy. But if I don't love on I won't be happy. I need to be happy without him and do what I need to do in order ti get myself where I want to be in my life with a job, Etc...

 

This has been the biggest upset of my life. My friends and family are sick of hearing about it and I have re-hashed everything about the situation down to every word. It just hurts me more. I hope we still talk and I want him in my life. He told me that unlike my friend he dated I was so his type. He told me I reminded me of his mother and that he loved her. He told me his little sister would love me and he tells people I'm the nicest person in the world. And that I deserve all the niceness in the world. Sounds like the guy liked me.

 

but he also told me things that never happened like he told me he wanted to take me to a graduation dance our school was having...he told me this the night of the dance. Now I mean his family came up that day and he would have had to pay extra for a guest and he has like no money. And then before the school year was ending he told me he was working on some surprises for me . They never happened. Again it could have been money related. He tried to get a pay check he had sitting at his house but he couldn't get it. I pray all the time that we will eventually end up together. I can see marrying this man. He wants to get married he told me. I think he likes talking about his future with the girl he's with, I just figure guys are afraid of that and we weren't in a relationship so I didn't bring it up. At this point I have been taking the same advice you got. Working on myself and caring about myself as #1. Its all I can do.

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Being the lovesick puppy I am, I'm probably not the best to question your experience, but I do have one question... How can you move on, but also say that you'd wait for him??

 

I think you're brave. I'm not at a point with my ex where I could go weeks without talking, and I don't think she is either.

 

With regards to my own situation, today I managed to withhold from messaging her all day (it took some effort... I am well and truly in love with Sarah), with the exception of wishing her a great day this morning (it's something we've always done). So I got to about 10:30pm GMT when I get a message from her saying "I'm home safe, I'm going to sleep, I'm really tired, don't message me because I won't be able to respond, but I looooove youuuuuuuu RyRy! xxxxx"

I'm not sure whether I should leave her a message tonight...

 

I'm intrigued by what you said about marriage. My girl and I also had this conversation a few times, and I told her I'd marry her. Even a few weeks back after the break up she sent me a message saying she was sorry for how she's been acting recently and that she thinks she wants to marry me because I'm always there for her and so sweet etc etc, but that was before this new, more local, guy came into her life. We've only known each other about 2 years, and were in love for about 1 year, but even still... when you know, you just know. My other exes, I wouldn't have ever considered marriage or children or any of that. To me they were just companions... but Sarah... I can see myself marrying her, having children with her, growing old with her... Bloodcurdlingly cheesy, I know, but I feel that way about her.

Heck, I've just got my Law degree, and still I'd offered to move to Spain to be with her if she wanted. She said she did - but that was before she started finding me needy.

 

I just don't know what this girl wants! But she knows what I want, and I guess from here I'll just have to leave it to her to make the next move... I really hope she chooses correctly though, because if she shoots me down for good, I'm not the kind of person that comes back. I think that may be one of the reasons I feel she's dangling me on a string, and a big reason for me not wanting to move on from her yet.

 

She used to be afraid I would leave her for another person. She has abandonment issues (father). She's 2 years my junior and her only sexual experience is me. She thought she wasn't enough for me - it blew my mind - Not enough for me?! She is everything to me! (Well, not everything in life, but everything I'd want in a person I'd want to share my life with). But somehow the tables turned, and now it feels like I'm not enough for her.

 

It sucks feeling like this. But at least you know you're not the only person going through this kind of situation.

I just don't see myself getting over her any time soon... I'm still as in love with her as I was the day I first knew I loved her.

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I'm trying to be strong, and brave, and move on. Its not easy. At this point I can't wait for him because I could be waiting years. Like I said I'm not jumping out and dating either. I don't meet people that often so I feel like it won't happen anytime soon anyway. I would wait for him and I told him this but he said it made him feel guilty, and that I would be depriving the world of the wonderful person I am. I don't know if that was true or if he was giving me lines to ease. People tell me that he was trying to let me down easy, but I really truly don't believe it, and I even questioned him on it and he was insulted and denied it and said that if he didn't care about me anymore and didn't want to be with me that he would have stopped the calls and the responding a long time ago and he never did, because he never not liked me.

 

To be honest, my mindset currently is that I'm single, but if he changed his mind I would jump. I love him and not over him yet so of course I would. Maybe in 6 months from now I may change my tune. He will have to win me, because I'm not going to be a puppy anymore and I deserve more. He even admitted it. He has health problems which sometimes leave him hospitalized and communicationless. So no phone priviledges. Him being sick didn't bother me, it was the communication.

 

Sometimes I wouldn't hear from him for 2 days and think "Oh my god he's sick" but then he would just be busy and be fine. Then other times he would actually be sick so it always threw me. I called him 5 days after out last intense talk where he said no to a relationship and I told him I wasn't mad at him and I want him to just end up happy. He appreciated it. That was two weeks ago and I have not tried to contact him since trying to give him space. He's been MIA social media wise and its making me nervous that he might be extremely sick this time. When I used to call him and leave a message he will always call back within a day. I called him last Wednesday to see If he was okay and its now Monday and no response.

 

So I am worried because I care but im trying to give him space. My friend puts it "If he wanted you to care and worry about him, he would call you, or let you know, and he hasn't so don't care as much." Its hard to do but it has to be done. When we went long distance we weren't really talking that much anyway. I would text almost everyday and sometimes he would respond but other times not at all. He called me occasionally, and a lot of times it was at like 1am, and I didn't mind, but I called him out one night asking him why this was the only time he had. He told me it was the only time he had. He hasn't called late since. I feel bad, but one of my friends thought it was rude that he only thought to call me late when he has nothing better to do.

 

One week I was extremely sick and bed ridden. He texted me two or more times a day saying he wished he could do something for me or asking how I was and hoping I was better. It was awesome and showed me he truly cared. When I felt a bit better like 5 days past I called him and we chatted on the phone. The texts stopped after that and the communication was minimal. Like "Oh your all better don't have to text anymore." That's how I saw it. He struggles with depression, which he has been battling harshly all this year. One night he told me he called me because he was in a bad place and knew that I would make him feel better and talking to me and hearing my voice would lift him up a bit. Like I want to be that person for him, but he won't let me. He says I deserve a boyfriend who can call me everyday and he cannot do that the way his life is.

 

He said he will make a great boyfriend and show me off to everyone and want everyone to know were together and lots of PDA and he will want to live for me and do things for me, and he said he can't do that for me right now. I respect him not stringing me along any longer, but it still sucks for me. I want all of this from him but alas I'm alone. It stinks. Who the heck knows I may never speak to him, and my brain thinks how the heck can you be with someone in the future if you don't communicate regularly.

 

The best you can do is minimal contact. It does sound like she has you by a string with the "I love you's". She just may be having a weak moment of lonliness and knows you'll be there. It hurts. I miss him emotionally and physically. I crave him back in my life. Care about you more. I'm not close to over my guy either, but creating yourself into the best you will either have her running back, or have others running to get you. I have learned to not have expectations anymore, don't hold your breathe. Good Luck.

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I really really want to give her space, but my heart just doesn't allow it. I send her random messages through the day - not messages saying "I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU" etc, but just things I think she'd be interested in knowing - for example, she really likes my family and one of my sisters is in hospital right now. Also I told her that I have an interview today. I also told her that the gifts I bought her are en route (months ago, but they got lost in transit, returned to me, and I'm only just getting them to her - although I'm now wondering why I'm giving this girl who can't give me much of her time gifts...). she doesn't respond though... I'm not even mad about not getting responses. I know she wants space! I know I shouldn't message her but I can't help it. I think about her with this guy and I just can't resist trying to get more time in her life. It's an illness, I know it is. But this girl... She's just done so much for me! She helped me through depression for a start...

 

I'm just frustrated with myself that I'm not giving her the space I know she needs. Like yourself and your guy, if my girl came back to me, I would jump at the chance to be with her. I'm not gonna be her doormat though. If she ever did come back, things would change. I just feel like it's getting harder and harder to be without her than getting easier.

I think the most annoying part is that she gave me a chance to get back with her a few weeks back, but I wasted it by going too fast. And now I feel like I'm just holding out for another chance when I should probably be moving on...

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No. Don't think of it that way. She gave you a chance and it didn't work out because your both looking for different things. It was not your fault. Your wanting the high passion, loving, give your all relationship that you feel your deserve and that you want to give to her. She isn't. Sounds to me like she's keeping her life casual. With you, with that other guy. She isn't giving you what you need right now and your not giving her what she is looking for either. Its an uneven relationship. That's not a healthy relationship.

 

I know its hard to hear people have given me such harsh advice it makes me feel worse. "He was just trying to sleep with you and when you didn't he let you down easy." or "He was stringing you along he's hoping you move on without him on purpose." The list goes on and on. All you can do is trust yourself. You know what happened. You know whats going on more than anyone else. Hanging on just prolongs your pain. your holding onto the good times, the past, the things you had. Look at the things you have now. Focus on something else. Try picking a subject on this forum and helping other people deal through their problems. I'm in pain too so I totally understand. Since I spilled almost all of my story on you lol feel free to give advice back. I appreciate advice from men because they understand other men. Good Luck. Feel free to vent anytime.

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I'm sorry. I've been so caught up in my story I didn't even think to give my own opinions on yours.

 

But I'd just like to add first that I wasn't really looking for the 'high passion, loving, give your all relationship', as I said earlier, I was just so worried about losing her by being cold and distant that I ended up having the high passion, loving, give your all relationship. And she was happy with it too until I started getting jealous of when she went out.

 

If I may, I'd like to put myself into the shoes of the guy. He sounds a lot like I was before I met Sarah. It seems like he wants you to let go of the relationship, and he doesn't see it returning. I think both of us have someone who is trying to let us down easily.

I think it's good for you that you view yourself as single. It shows that in your mind you're already starting the healing process. I wouldn't know how I'd call what I'd describe my relationship status as... maybe just 'unavailable'.

I also think the way he doesn't respond for days on end is a way of indicating he wants you to move on.

You shouldn't be an afterthought in someone else's life. I think one of the things that has kept me going with Sarah is that she occasionally initiates conversations.

From the way you describe when you were ill, I think he really does care about you. Not in a relationship kind of way, but more in a way that you were a significant person in his life and he hopes you're always gonna be happy and healthy and safe.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask and I'll try my best to answer :)

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Thanks for the advice I appreciate a fresh set of eyes from a guy.

 

Like he seemed so into it at the end of the semester, he even said recently "I was so into it at the end of school." What happened was he was a graduating senior, I'm not. They have this barbeque for seniors the day before graduation for their family and guests, and then that night is a semi formal dance for a senior and a guest(he has to buy guest ticket). So a week before this he asked me if I was going to the barbeque, and I was like no. Because he thought I was going with my roommate who was a senior, but she wasn't going to any of this. So he was like "oh well you should go." and I was like im not graduating so no. And then he kept saying "oh well if you want to go you should go." and I like didn't get it so I was like no im not graduating I cant go. His family was coming out that say to go with him. I think this was his twisted was of asking me but I didn't see it that way because he didn't come right out and ask me.

 

well the week went by and he was super affectionate. on Friday he was super lovey and was saying how he was going to miss me so much and there are so many forms of communication these days he thinks we'll be fine. and again we were just going steady no relationship title, because he had told me he didn't know what the summer would hold and he had said "im not saying no to a relationship just not right away, I could be sick all summer and my life could be a mess, or things could be great and you could be down at my house in my pool drinking drinks with me. " so back to Friday night we were all cute and I told him about this big paycheck I was getting in the mail and he told me to "spend some on yourself and use some to come to **** ******." where he lives. I asked him if he was serious and he said "of course how else are we going to have drinks in the pool." I was like yaaaaaaay.

 

all the while to his parents have made it clear that they don't think he should jump into a relationship with anyone right now because he was so broken over his last breakup which was before me and they want him to get his life together. then he leaned over and said " but if my mom met you she would change her mind, because your are the nicest."

 

so then Saturday rolls around and his parents are coming to get him before the barbeque and we are spending some time together. he says all this "im going to miss you so much and please keep in contact and text me." and I figure he is talking about the next day when school ends and we go home, but he goes, "no I meant today while im gone." and im like ohh cute. then he tells me he has to give me a proper goodbye and he dips me down and gives me a great kiss like in the movies. we text all day long.

 

Then that night his parents stay at a hotel and his brother comes to stay at his dorm with him for the night. I stop over and meet him and we hangout all night. My guy is super all over me and its wonderful. like we were playing games and he would come up behind me really close and like be rubbing my backside and whisper things in my ear. I couldn't look is brother in the eye half of the time. Then he mentions something about the barbeque and how I could have come and I was like huh?? you didn't invite me and he was like Yes I did, and I was like ummm no you didn't. We dropped it and what happened happened. I think back like damn I could have met his parents. well his brother went upstairs to use the bathroom and he shoved me up against the wall and started making out with me until the brother came back. I loved it.

 

When his brother went to bed, he grabbed me and told me "Im keeping you tonight and your not going home." and I was like awwwwww. That night in his room before bed we were talking and he said "I wanted to take you to that dance with me." and I didn't say anything, then he goes "I wished my parents didn't come up." I just went "Yeah." cause he didn't take me so whatever. Then he goes, "this is where you say 'yeah I would have really wanted to go with you.'" I just rolled me eyes and we laughed. we parted ways the next day for the summer.

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Personally, I think you're holding on to the good memories. And that's good! It's good to remember that someone loves you. I don't think he was using you or anything, I think he genuinely cares about you. But I don't think he knows what he wants.

Similar to the advice you gave me, I think you'll be best off just giving him time to work out what he wants.

 

My girl is online now (WhatsApp says "Online" by her name). I really want to talk to her, but I just can't bring myself to start saying "Hiiii How are you" if I'm gonna just get ignored or a "cant talk"... I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm just crazy in love with her!!! It drives me crazy. I love being in love with her. I hate feeling like my love annoys her. And I'm just confused by the whole situation. This kind of thing really is out of my depth...

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Summer was hard. at first we made contact often but it was sporadic. like I would text him and get no response, then like one day I was out with my friend and we facebooked it, and he must have seen it because he texted saying he hoped we had a good day together. He called me on the phone to tell me he was sorry he wasn't responding and that he had been sick and he wanted to tell me on the phone and not through text.

 

I mentioned that I was taking a week vacation with my family and he asked me the exact dates we were going just so he knew. It was weird. Like why do you need to know the dates??? He would call a lot at like 1am. I didn't mind but after a while it built up in me. He was always super down on the phone and I tried to make conversation but it was awkward. I told him I missed him and he wouldn't say it back. Things at home for him were bad. His depression was bad, he has a heart condition which makes him sick and sometimes hospitalized and he was having a hard time communicating, and his parents were giving him a hard time.

 

Weeks in he called me late on the phone and I kind of called him out on his late phone calls. He claims its really the only time he has and that I don't have to answer the phone. we started talking about us and where we stand and he said "a relationship just wouldn't work right now and why does it have to be now and not later." and "I think if we jumped now it would fail and I don't want us to fail." and "I cant give you everything I can right now because of my life and you deserve someone who can call you all the time." he also told me if I met someone else I really like I can see them but I should let him know. wierdd. I asked him like what we were and a title, and he kept saying I don't know.

 

at this point I thought we were still together like casually dating. well a week later I decide to go down to my college and I post on facebook on Tuesday, that I will be going down on Thursday if my friends want to hang. he texts me that night saying he will be down there then too. I figure he tells me because he plans on seeing me. Wednesday night I text him asking if we are going to see each other and he says " I don't know I busy." at that point I was like jeez why even tell me your gonna be there if you don't plan on seeing me. I get there and am hangin with my friends. He texts in the afternoon "Im trying to make time for us, when are you free." so we meet up and things are light and he tells me about him being sick lately etc.. he takes me for lunch and we have a good innocent time just talking. When we part ways we hug and he nuzzled his face into my neck lovingly like he used to and goes "that was long overdo." I figure wow things are good. so I go to a movie with some friends and after I text him to hangout again before I leave to go back home.

 

he agrees and I pick him up to go see my new apartment in the area. he loves it and we get to talking about just fun stuff. he tells me how he can't wait to have his own place and have parties with a bunch of people and how I will be there etc... and im like wow he sees me there in the future.

 

so things are going well and so I have concert tickets for him as a surprise after grad present I had been keeping. I tell him he has to give me a goodbye kiss and he gets his present. I was trying to be flirty. he looks at me and goes "I don't think that's a good idea." I still have two tickets and dont know what to do with them because he already bought tickets to the same show for him and his brother. I kept apologizing and he kept telling me to stop. he offered to sell his and we could go but I don't want to pll them away form his brother. we start talking about us and he said how he knows he could be a great boyfriend but just not right now. He says he cant give me what I deserve and I deserve all the niceness in the world. The way his life is he cant give the time of effort for a relationship that he knows he could if he was in a better lace. He says the way his life is now is not a good relationship of someone just calling you when they can. He says he felt so guilty everyday because I was waiting for him and he couldn't do more for me. He said "I thought of just calling you and telling you I don't like you but I would have been lying and I couldn't like to you about that." I was like what??? and I called him out about trying to let me off easy and he told me how he isn't doing that and that when he and my friend dated a year ago he outright told her he didn't like her and they weren't going to work out because she wasn't his type. then he goes "did I ever say anything like that to you....no, because that's not the case." then he tells me how he would have stopped calling and texting if that was the case. He grabbed me and hugged me tight at one point because he knew I was upset.

 

He tells me to think of it like this "im a broken down carnival ride you really want to go on, but you ride other rides and go around the carnival until im fixed." He tells me all these stories of nice amazing things he's done with his ex girlfriends and im like wow way to make me feel worse. He tells me he doesnt want me depriving the world of my wonderful person and that he would rather me get it out of my system now ad date before I get to him because he wants to be the one at the end. and like he tells me that with his ex girlfriend, he just woke up one day and realized he loved her and chased her. I asked him about what will happen when his life is more together and he said "well hopefully when that happens I will wake up and realize I cant live without you and I will fight for you and you will know it." I was like wtf????

 

He kept asking me if I loved him and I was like " I can't tell you that now its too early for that." an he was like yeah see. But not that ive had time away from him and the situation I realize that I truly do love this man. I am new to this so the feeling was foreign and I didn't know how to take it but I really do love him. On my way to drop him back off on campus that night he reached out to grab my hand and I jerked it away because I was upset. then we went to hug each other and the car was tight so I gave him a little hug, and he goes "oh so those are the hugs im going to get now. " I was like what???? so confusing. I called him 5 days after the ordeal and he called me back the next day. we chatted it was brief. I told him I wasn't mad. haven't heard from him since and im not trying that much because the more I do the more hurt I am.

Edited by amkxoxo
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Don't talk to her.....we need to stay strong together!!!!!!!!! We got this. she isn't worth it and neither is he. we are better without them in our lives because they make us stressed and crazy. No more neediness here.

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While I appreciate that we are going through similar experiences, I think you're stronger than I am. I'm still at a point where I've spoken to this girl every day for over a year, which includes just 1 week short of 3 months after we broke up. We spoke for about 40 minutes by text, on-and-off. We talked about how my sister is doing, what she's been up to, we even joked a little, then she gave me a recommendation on clothing, talked about the weather and said she's going to sleep and said those 3 magic words that make me fall in love with her over and over again - That was about 15 minutes ago and she's still online...

She hasn't spoken about the new guy for a couple of days now, which is something she'd usually do, but I'm pretty sure they've started seeing each other properly.

 

I do want to stop wanting her so badly, but when someone has had such a big impact on your life, it's hard to let them go without a fight. A part of me just wants to get rid of my phone and cut her out of my life completely. But I know how I feel now and this is when I do get to talk to her. I'm genuinely worried that my depression will come back if I cut her out of my life entirely.

 

You've been really open about your situation, and I really think talking about it has been helpful, so I'll just go into a bit of what happened when we met last weekend.

She's currently on tour and was doing something down in Eastbourne, so I said I'd come down from right at the top of England all the way down there (only about £50 by train) to see her. We'd been flirting a bit by text and she persuaded me to get her a small gift, so on my way through London I stopped off at a store and got her a £50 jacket. I arrived there on the Saturday evening, after a whole day of travelling by trains and buses and taxis, but I made it there, and I was super excited to be getting to see her again (it had been about 4 months since we were last together). I booked myself into a hotel, and stayed there alone the night, but we talked for a good few hours on WhatsApp about what we'd do the next day.

So, the next morning, I'm up at around 7am, we're not meeting until 11am, so I have plenty of time to shower, shave, look presentable etc etc. I know she doesn't find me particularly attractive, but she knows I don't usually give a care about my appearance so she doesn't mind.

I go to have a look for the bag with her gifts in. (I'd got her the jacket, but also a few gifts that had previously been lost in the mail then returned to me - a polar bear, for when she needed something to cuddle at night (it was both of our favourite animal), some other articles of clothing and a cute wristband I thought she'd like). I realise that when checking into the hotel the night before, I'd left it downstairs at check-in, and when I go down there, it wasn't there. I told the Reception to have a look and give me a call if anything happened.

So I went to the train station to meet up with her about 10am. I wait around, and she's bang on time, but I find her so stunning, I didn't even go see her for a while, I just watched her - she might think she's nothing special, but to me, she always will be. When I did go over, she gave me a big hug and I was going to kiss her, but I didn't want to make things awkward.

We went to go get some Coca Cola before I took her clothes shopping as a bit of an apology for losing the bag. We walked around for quite a while and I bought her a skirt. She invited me into the changing rooms, but I told her I'd be waiting outside.

So then I take her to lunch, we go to McDonalds because somehow that's her favourite place to eat, and we just sit there and talk for a while. She's staring right into my eyes and I love every moment of it. She's sat on a couch there, and tells me it's really comfortable and that I should sit next to her, so we cuddle up on the couch at McDonalds, she puts her legs on top of mine and tells me to tell her anything I want. I just wanted to kiss her... But the universe burst my bubble and sent some old lady to ask us to move because she wanted to sit down and we had finished eating. There goes my moment to make a romantic gesture.

So then we go to the cinema, but the movie isn't until about 4pm, so instead we go for a little walk around the shopping center again where she tells me about this Andoni guy. It's crushing to hear that the person you love with all your heart likes another guy... But I couldn't do anything but tell her I wanted her to be happy (leaving out that I wanted her to be happy with me...). I was a bit disappointed and sulked a little bit, and I knew I wasn't doing myself any favours, but it really was a crushing blow to me. I thought the visit was the start of us getting back on track. Why would she let me buy her presents, some with romantic connotations, if she had no intention of letting me be anything but a friend with her?! Who does that?!

We sat down on the train station floor until it was time for the movie. She cuddles up to me, puts her legs over me again and tells me that she really does love me more than anyone, and then very politely phrases that I'm just not attractive enough for her. She proceeds to show me a picture of the guy she likes. On her phone wallpaper. And he's blowing her a kiss. Just what I needed!

After that, I didn't really feel like going to the movies, but I wanted to give her a great day, because I am a man of my word and I promised her a great day. I paid for the ticket and everything, we sat down and and started to watch the movie. She leaned her head on my shoulder for a while, but found it uncomfortable and sat back up. I went to hold her hand, but she leaned away. It was clear she just wanted to watch the movie, not have a little sweet romantic moment.

The movie was ok, it was Monsters University. We're both pretty childish at heart, lol.

Afterwards, we still had a few hours to kill before she had to leave for the night (And I would be leaving in the morning anyway). We went for a walk along the beach just talking about things. I liked the way it felt being with someone I adored so much. We walked for miles, just talking and joking and laughing. I wanted to hold her hand, but she didn't seem interested in anything romantic.

When she was tired of walking, we saw a little ice cream place and went in and I bought her a sundae. We did the cheesy gazing across the little table, and she put her hand on mine. At the end of the day, I took her to where she would be leaving me and we hugged for ages. I didn't want it to end. I also took a picture with her, hinting that it should be her wallpaper, but she laughed it off. Yeah. She didn't get the kiss at the end of the day.

 

I went back to my hotel (where I thought she would be staying with me... but apparently she had made plans with friends for the night-time), and I was quite happy. I'd had a great time with a great girl, and she went home early when her friends couldn't all make it, and we texted for a good few more hours.

 

In the morning I went home, I sent her a text saying I had a great day and that I would miss her. To which she responded that she was with Andoni and had things to do and couldn't talk. In the afternoon she told me that the tour group was going to the cinema to watch Monsters University. We joked about it for a short while, but then she didn't come back online until night-time.

When she came online, she told me how wonderful this Andoni was. Apparently, he was sat next to her at the cinema, and when there was this little animation at the start with a blue umbrella trying to find the love of his life - a red umbrella - in a sea of grey umbrellas before the blue umbrella gets bashed and broken but ends up with the red umbrella, this Andoni guy tells her "You're a red umbrella among a million grey umbrellas". She said this made her go "AWWWWWWWWWW", as did a lot of things this guy said, which apparently he did 'unintentionally' (Come on Sarah! I know I was your first, but you surely don't believe he's just making up these lines?! He's just rephrasing the lame oldies like "You're one in a million".)

Then when I say, "y'know, I say sweet things randomly too", she starts to snap at me telling me "No. You do it to get an "AWWWWWWWWW". He just says it, and then realises what he said.". I told her "I don't say anything for a reaction from you, I say it because I want you to know how I feel about you". She responds "Yeah. You say what you're feeling and expect me to love it. He just talks and his feelings just come out". At this point I just want to tell her how she's putting this guy on a pedestal just like I put her on a pedestal, but I thought the irony would be lost on her.

This day with Andoni overwrote the entire sweet cute day we'd had together. The laughs and jokes they had overwrote the ones we had. The fact that I'd bought her things was nothing but an empty gesture to her. The fact that I took a weekend off work to see her. The fact that I spent a day on public transport to see her. The fact that I spent all day with her trying to make her happy and needing nothing in return. It all just seemed to mean nothing to her. And that stung.

I just don't understand her! Some days she's all sweet and nice and tells me she's sorry for the way she treats me sometimes. And then some days she can just be downright rotten. But good days and bad days, I love her with all my heart. I don't want to give up on her. I know I probably need to. But I don't want to.

 

At least there's someone here I can talk to this about. Everyone else seems to be bored of my heartbreak and annoyed at me for not just giving up on her.

They just don't see her the way I see her... Heck, I think even she doesn't see her the way I see her.

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Hi EvansR!

First of all, I'm very sorry you're going through this.

 

As hard as I know it is, you need to forget her. This girl (how old is she, by the way?) doesn't know what she wants. It is clear that she is not ready for a long term relationship, especially a long distance one. She cheated on you, and now she says she likes another guy.

She knows you are a good boy, and that's why she tells you all of that about how you are the person she loves the most, but if she really did love you she would just be with you and wouldn't do those things to you, she wouldn't text you "shuuuut up" just because you ask her what she is doing. You don't do that to somebody you love, I woulnd't even do that at all to anybody, it's very unpolite!

 

Maybe you were too needy, and that's something you have to work on for your next relationship, but I don't think you are to blame for the failure of your relationship.

 

Please EvansR, she even told you you are not attractive enough for her! And then showed you a picture of that guy she likes! Even though she knows that would hurt you. What's wrong with her? Please, try to get over her, she doesn't love you. You look like a nice guy, I honestly think you deserve somebody better.

 

Good luck and keep strong.

Edited by Trufita
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Hi EvansR!

First of all, I'm very sorry you're going through this.

 

As hard as I know it is, you need to forget her. This girl (how old is she, by the way?) doesn't know what she wants. It is clear that she is not ready for a long term relationship, especially a long distance one. She cheated on you, and now she says she likes another guy.

She knows you are a good boy, and that's why she tells you all of that about how you are the person she loves the most, but if she really did love you she would just be with you and wouldn't do those things to you, she wouldn't text you "shuuuut up" just because you ask her what she is doing. You don't do that to somebody you love, I woulnd't even do that at all to anybody, it's very unpolite!

 

Maybe you were too needy, and that's something you have to work on for your next relationship, but I don't think you are to blame for the failure of your relationship.

 

Please EvansR, she even told you you are not attractive enough for her! And then showed you a picture of that guy she likes! Even though she knows that would hurt you. What's wrong with her? Please, try to get over her, she doesn't love you. You look like a nice guy, I honestly think you deserve somebody better.

 

Good luck and keep strong.

 

She's 18, I'm 20

 

Can you explain how she would go from finding me attractive enough to finding me unattractive? I mean, it's not like I've had my face smashed in with or anything!

Also, she tells me she's shown him pictures of me.

 

 

I'm considering just asking her for a straight answer of where I stand with her. What do you think?? Am I crazy? :/

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Dudddde....oh my gosh I know you love her but she is playing you like a guitar. At least my guy still likes me and told me I'm totally his type. He never once said I wasn't attractive and he would always tell me that I'm beautiful and even told me I have 9 out of 10 attributes he looks for in a girl. What the heck. You got a girl a gift who told you your ugly to get. No offense but she is using you. She knows you love her and if she gives a little you'll jump for her. She is having that other guy on the side. Your the appetizer and yes the side dish. The side dish is a lot closer to the main course than you. If that makes sense. As an woman I would never ever ever tell a guy I didn't think he was attractive then show him a picture of the guy I like. And then she tells you she loves you. Oh my gosh. I feel so sorry for you and that this girl is doing this to you. Literally you could find someone so so much better. They say we accept the live we think we deserve. At least my guy didn't treat me like crap and make me feeel ugly. Damn. You can find someone who thinks your perfect and someone who doesn't use you. That's ridiculous. You sound more like her sugar daddy. I'm sorry this is so harsh but I want to slap her because you seem so nice. Good luck with everything. #lifegoeson

 

I know I sound brave but I'm still broken. I love him. The other day my mom and her friend were like looking at cute guys out at the mall for me and my friend I couldn't even look at them because none of then were him. Every time someone says something Bout another man for me I say to myself "they aren't him." People say it will pass and its a phase but I legit think I was meant to meet him and he is supposed to be mine. Hea the most wonderful person. I have ever met. I want him to love me too. I want him to fight for me like he claims. Did I not do enough. I called and texted all the time. I made him dinner. I bands things for him . I always had his favorite candy on hand when he came over to cheer him up. I slept next to this man so many nights. That last night when we talked about "us" and I got upset he said "I didn't realize how invested you were, I hurt you." Well duh sherlock. I'm hurt! I have such a hard time showing my feelings to people because my thoughts are so precious to me. Maybe I didn't open up enough but I feel like I opened up with him more than anyone. I can't blame myself all the time. He even told me "you did nothing wrong." I love him. But I need to move on and get my life in a great place. I urge you to do the same. You can always be better.

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Dudddde....oh my gosh I know you love her but she is playing you like a guitar. At least my guy still likes me and told me I'm totally his type. He never once said I wasn't attractive and he would always tell me that I'm beautiful and even told me I have 9 out of 10 attributes he looks for in a girl. What the heck. You got a girl a gift who told you your ugly to get. No offense but she is using you. She knows you love her and if she gives a little you'll jump for her. She is having that other guy on the side. Your the appetizer and yes the side dish. The side dish is a lot closer to the main course than you. If that makes sense. As an woman I would never ever ever tell a guy I didn't think he was attractive then show him a picture of the guy I like. And then she tells you she loves you. Oh my gosh. I feel so sorry for you and that this girl is doing this to you. Literally you could find someone so so much better. They say we accept the live we think we deserve. At least my guy didn't treat me like crap and make me feeel ugly. Damn. You can find someone who thinks your perfect and someone who doesn't use you. That's ridiculous. You sound more like her sugar daddy. I'm sorry this is so harsh but I want to slap her because you seem so nice. Good luck with everything. #lifegoeson

 

I know I sound brave but I'm still broken. I love him. The other day my mom and her friend were like looking at cute guys out at the mall for me and my friend I couldn't even look at them because none of then were him. Every time someone says something Bout another man for me I say to myself "they aren't him." People say it will pass and its a phase but I legit think I was meant to meet him and he is supposed to be mine. Hea the most wonderful person. I have ever met. I want him to love me too. I want him to fight for me like he claims. Did I not do enough. I called and texted all the time. I made him dinner. I bands things for him . I always had his favorite candy on hand when he came over to cheer him up. I slept next to this man so many nights. That last night when we talked about "us" and I got upset he said "I didn't realize how invested you were, I hurt you." Well duh sherlock. I'm hurt! I have such a hard time showing my feelings to people because my thoughts are so precious to me. Maybe I didn't open up enough but I feel like I opened up with him more than anyone. I can't blame myself all the time. He even told me "you did nothing wrong." I love him. But I need to move on and get my life in a great place. I urge you to do the same. You can always be better.

 

I know, but I still can't stop loving her. I could reel off a list of reasons I love her all day long, but when it comes to negatives - I think I just see her through rose-tinted glasses. Like most people see the person they love.

And I kinda coaxed it out of her that she just wanted someone cuter. She thought I'd want to see the person she prefers to me...

My mind is just melting down right now...

The thing is - I like people like that. Not the gift-grabbing thing. But I love almost everything about her, including her brutal honesty.

 

If this was read by her, she wouldn't agree with all of this. This makes me seem like the hero and her as the villain, but in reality, I screwed up a lot too.

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hoping2heal
She's 18, I'm 20

 

Can you explain how she would go from finding me attractive enough to finding me unattractive? I mean, it's not like I've had my face smashed in with or anything!

Also, she tells me she's shown him pictures of me.

 

 

I'm considering just asking her for a straight answer of where I stand with her. What do you think?? Am I crazy? :/

 

Your face didn't get smashed in, no. She's 18 and this kind of flakey and immature behavior is expected. Becoming 18 doesn't make you an adult any more than eating a piece of fruit makes you healthy. The brain isn't fully developed at 18 and that's just the biological aspect. Our culture right now doesn't make things any better. There's a big emphasis on assuming no personal responsibility; just blame someone else. Do what feels good and is fun at the moment; then blame someone else for your consequences later. Need I go on?

 

Just because we love someone doesn't mean they are very good people or very good for us. You say you're worried about being depressed if you were to cut her from your life. Isn't it depressing putting your love, emotion, and devotion into someone who doesn't return it? Could anything BE more depressing??

 

You're incredibly emotionally dependent on this girl. It's unhealthy enough to be so emotionally independent on another person, but it's worse when that person isn't available for you to be doing that. Are you scared of who you are or what your life is without this relationship/this girl/a relationship to define it?

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Your face didn't get smashed in, no. She's 18 and this kind of flakey and immature behavior is expected. Becoming 18 doesn't make you an adult any more than eating a piece of fruit makes you healthy. The brain isn't fully developed at 18 and that's just the biological aspect. Our culture right now doesn't make things any better. There's a big emphasis on assuming no personal responsibility; just blame someone else. Do what feels good and is fun at the moment; then blame someone else for your consequences later. Need I go on?

 

Just because we love someone doesn't mean they are very good people or very good for us. You say you're worried about being depressed if you were to cut her from your life. Isn't it depressing putting your love, emotion, and devotion into someone who doesn't return it? Could anything BE more depressing??

 

You're incredibly emotionally dependent on this girl. It's unhealthy enough to be so emotionally independent on another person, but it's worse when that person isn't available for you to be doing that. Are you scared of who you are or what your life is without this relationship/this girl/a relationship to define it?

 

I don't want to turn this into a defence of why I love her. To be honest, past the reasons a person likes another person, I can't explain why I love her as much as I do, I just do.

You all have plenty of good points, but at the end of the day, I still love her. I don't know how to overcome it. And I still enjoy her as a friend too!

As the days go by, I don't spend all day every day pining over her. Yes, I do miss her a lot, and a lot of stuff makes me think about her, but I still carry on with my days as I usually would. But I'd love to speak to her whenever I can. I love knowing that she's safe and happy, and I love just spending time with her.

Please don't see this as me just being stubborn. I want to change, I do. But I'll be brutally honest here - I don't see me changing from how I feel about her for a considerable amount of time.

Sarah doesn't define my life. But she is a significant part of it, and where I thought it would be heading.

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hoping2heal
I don't want to turn this into a defence of why I love her. To be honest, past the reasons a person likes another person, I can't explain why I love her as much as I do, I just do.

You all have plenty of good points, but at the end of the day, I still love her. I don't know how to overcome it. And I still enjoy her as a friend too!

As the days go by, I don't spend all day every day pining over her. Yes, I do miss her a lot, and a lot of stuff makes me think about her, but I still carry on with my days as I usually would. But I'd love to speak to her whenever I can. I love knowing that she's safe and happy, and I love just spending time with her.

Please don't see this as me just being stubborn. I want to change, I do. But I'll be brutally honest here - I don't see me changing from how I feel about her for a considerable amount of time.

Sarah doesn't define my life. But she is a significant part of it, and where I thought it would be heading.

 

Okay, let's take her away. Who are you? I want to know.

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