Isobel Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 [color=black][/color][font=arial][/font] Hi, I feel a bit awkward posting this message (I've never been a member of a forum) but I am writing this because I am seeking strong advice. About 3 months ago, I went on vacation to Cuba. I stayed at a beautiful resort and had a wonderful time. During the first 2 days, I came across (a few times) one of the workers (entertainers). We never talked, just made eye contact. Finally on the 3rd day, he (very timidly) approached me at the club, while I was dancing. We started to talk. We kept dancing, then a slow song started to play... We were just standing there looking at each other. I could tell he was a bit shy to ask me to dance so I asked him instead. During the second slow dance he started kissing my neck, then we started kissing. We couldn't get our hands off each other. The club was soon closing and he asked me to stay with him (I will be honest with you - I wasn’t surprised because most entertainers at resorts hook up with girls for sex). I refused, and went back to my room. After that, I was convinced that he would ignore me for the rest of my stay there (even though he asked me before I left if he would see me again tomorrow). The next day, I was by the pool. To my surprise he came to talk to me. I think we were both a bit shy and nervous, because we didn't know what to say. He asked me if I remembered what happened the night before (he thought maybe I was drunk). I said yes. I can't remember what we talked about - only remember him saying that he thought I was very beautiful and that he wanted to have a relationship with me. I was shocked when he said that. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by "relationship". At that point I felt really nervous. The only words that came out of my mouth were: "You know I am leaving in a few days". We ended up spending the rest of the week together (mostly in hiding, because he could not be seen talking to the same tourist for too long and often). He kept saying that he really liked me and even said that he wanted to have sex with me. Of course, I wasn't surprised. I kept saying no every time. Because I didn't know him, I was afraid that he might get aggressive with me...but he never was. He's a very sweet guy, and very smart too. We talked a lot about Cuba and the culture. I told him that we (the people that I went on vacation with) all went to this families house for lunch. I told him that I found that people in Cuba were very nice and friendly. He said to be careful because they might have put a show on for us. Meaning that most people in Cuba are nice and friendly with tourists for a reason. During the first few days with him, I kept refusing to spend too much time with him, because I was afraid that I would get attached... But I couldn't stay away, and neither could he. He said that since the first day he saw me, that he wanted to talk to me but didn't know how to approach me. He also said things like he noticed me because of my height (I'm 5'1" and he's over 6 feet) and that he loved the fact that I was so "petite". He also loves my white skin, my freckles and my laugh. All the things that I hate about myself he loved. During my last day we exchanged our contact information. He promised me that he would send me an email every week and as often as he could. Because of his work schedule it is difficult for him to go home often. I told him that I didn't believe that he would. He asked me to go back to Cuba to visit him someday. He also said that he told his mom that he met me. He came to see me at the lobby before I entered the bus to go to the airport. It was a really sad moment. We couldn't even hug because he couldn't be seen with me. Three days after I came back from Cuba, I got an email from him (again I was shocked). I guess I still didn't believe in him. It's been 3 months since I got back from vacation and he did write every week like he promised he would and still does. Since last week, I call him on the phone once a week. For the past months I've been going through roller coaster emotions. One day I feel happy that things will work out... Other days I am sad. I haven't told my family about him, because I am afraid of what they will think about this hole situation. I guess I need to be sure of it myself before I tell them. I have talked to a few of my friends, but they have no clue how serious this has become. The first time that we talked on the phone (last week) since the last time we have seen each other he said that he loved me. We miss each other enormously, and think about each other everyday. I have been thinking of going to see him this fall. He has told me not to stay at a resort (Cuban regulations) because he cannot stay with me in a hotel. He has said that I can rent a room (in a house). He said that he knows people and assures me that it will be a nice place. This worries me a lot. I am worried about my safety there. The problem now, is that I keep having doubts. My head is taking over my feelings for him. I have to be realistic and think that I really don't know this guy. Sure, I know what he likes, I feel comfortable with him... But I don't really know him that well. I keep wondering if he loves me for the right reasons. Is he being honest with me? Does he really love me, or for what I can give him (a better life)? I have to come to a decision about our relationship. Should I break it off with him? How do I tell him that I don't think it's a good idea for me to not stay at a resort, without implying that I don't know him and can't trust him. I am afraid to hurt his feelings - because he is a wonderful person. But bottom line, I don't know him. So this is my story, can someone help me come to a decision? Should I give him a chance? Send me your thoughts on my situation. much appreciated, .....from a very confused and sad girl. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 I don't want to trivalize your feelings or his, he may be very sincere, however this seems to be an impossible situation and I think you should cut your losses now. You might email him and talk on the phone, but you two do not know each other very well at all. You have had no day-to-day experiences. You don't know what he is like on a date or in to be around all the time. Its a very one-dimensional relationship and you are only showing each other the sides of yourselves that you want to show. He doesn't know what you are like when you are in a bad mood, you don't know what his temper is like, etc. My advice, tell him it was great while it lasted, but to continue the roller-coaster of emotions is not in your best interest, or his. Move on and find a relationship that can actually work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isobel Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Hi, Thanks for your reply. I totally agree with you that we don't know anything about each other and show what we want to show about ourselves. Knowing the circumstances in which we met and the distance that seperates us, it didn't and doesn't allow us to spend more time together. That said, do you think I should go back to visit him, and maybe get to know him better? Thanks again, Isobel Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 It's your choice, but I wouldn't. Can he leave cuba? Do you want to live there? Realistically, what kind of future do you have with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha16 Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 How far away from him are you may I ask? I think if you did go to Cuba for a trip to see him it could be kind of a trial. You guys can get to know each other on a different level besides being on the phone or by emails, and see if this is the real deal or not. If you guys did click, and decide you really do love each other, then someone has to make the move. Literally. I don't think having a long distance relationship could ever work. Even if you guys aren't living together, you at least want to see each other a couple times a week right? Is it a possibility that one of you can move closer to the other? Having said that, I think this is increadibly romantic! You know how many woman dream of a lover like in the movie 'cocktail' with Tom Cruise? As for his intensions, I don't know him so I can't answer that. But in the name of love and for making the most of the short time we get on this earth, do what your heart says. If you guys can't have a relationship because of the distance problem, then I would say cut off the contact. You'll end up being in love with someone you can't get. And I know this sounds silly, but if it's meant to be, you'll find each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isobel Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Those are all questions that I keep asking myself. This can all get really complicated. He has told me that he cannot leave Cuba. I don't even undestand how Cuba Immigration works. Living there for me is not even an option. Getting married for him to be able to come here - not an option either. I cannot guarantee that he will be happy here (weather, corporate world, etc). And I will most likely have to support him for awhile at least. All that said, you are right, I should let this go. When and if I will have the guts to break it off soon... I don't know. How will I tell him... I don't know either. Do you think that telling him it was great while it lasted, but to continue the roller-coaster of emotions is not in my best interest, or his doesn't sound too harsh? He's still a good guy, and we both share strong feelings for each other. Anyway, wish me luck and thanks alot for your help. It is much appreciated! Isobel Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha16 Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Of course, let him know how you feel about him. Tell him how much you care and want this to happen. It's the truth. But he knows just as well as you do that there can never be something real living all those miles apart. It's so sad. I'm sorry for your heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isobel Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Hi Samantha, thanks for your replies. He's truly a nice guy, and has been really understanding about a lot of things that we've talked about so far. I've never "clicked" with anyone like I did with him. So I really have to think about: 1. Follow my heart: Go see him again, spend time with him and see if there is really something there. If we do love each other, I believe things would work out. (My parents met in a very particular way as well. My dad came to visit here and met my mom one day at a party. He returned to his country. After one year, he decided to write to my mom. This went on for a hole year. Then they got married and he came here. They celebrated there 25 wedding anniversary this year.) 2. Follow my head: Realistically, is it safe for me to go back to Cuba to see him. Can I trust him. What are his true intentions... Not fun! Isobel Link to post Share on other sites
Normies Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I read this very qucikly, but honey, i think this may be more of a fasination. Do you really want to be with someone that is capable of doing that rutine with other women in his line of position. Can you accept the fact that he has the guts to ask a women to have sex with him so early on and easy? Love should be taken slowley. Its not rushed, its not asked on a one night stand. reality can be a hard thing to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Cubadict Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Isobel, why don't you have a look here? http://www.cubaamor.com/cubase/ Link to post Share on other sites
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