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I am in love with a Cuban and having doubts about his true intentions... am I wrong?


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Hi,

 

I feel a bit awkward posting this message (I've never been a member of a forum) but I am writing this because I am seeking strong advice. About 3 months ago, I went on vacation to Cuba. I stayed at a beautiful resort and had a wonderful time. During the first 2 days, I came across (a few times) one of the workers (entertainers). We never talked, just made eye contact. Finally on the 3rd day, he (very timidly) approached me at the club, while I was dancing. We started to talk. We kept dancing, then a slow song started to play... We were just standing there looking at each other. I could tell he was a bit shy to ask me to dance so I asked him instead. During the second slow dance he started kissing my neck, then we started kissing. We couldn't get our hands off each other. The club was soon closing and he asked me to stay with him (I will be honest with you - I wasn’t surprised because most entertainers at resorts hook up with girls for sex). I refused, and went back to my room.

 

After that, I was convinced that he would ignore me for the rest of my stay there (even though he asked me before I left if he would see me again tomorrow). The next day, I was by the pool. To my surprise he came to talk to me. I think we were both a bit shy and nervous, because we didn't know what to say. He asked me if I remembered what happened the night before (he thought maybe I was drunk). I said yes. I can't remember what we talked about - only remember him saying that he thought I was very beautiful and that he wanted to have a relationship with me. I was shocked when he said that. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by "relationship". At that point I felt really nervous. The only words that came out of my mouth were: "You know I am leaving in a few days". We ended up spending the rest of the week together (mostly in hiding, because he could not be seen talking to the same tourist for too long and often). He kept saying that he really liked me and even said that he wanted to have sex with me. Of course, I wasn't surprised. I kept saying no every time. Because I didn't know him, I was afraid that he might get aggressive with me...but he never was. He's a very sweet guy, and very smart too. We talked a lot about Cuba and the culture. I told him that we (the people that I went on vacation with) all went to this families house for lunch. I told him that I found that people in Cuba were very nice and friendly. He said to be careful because they might have put a show on for us. Meaning that most people in Cuba are nice and friendly with tourists for a reason.

 

During the first few days with him, I kept refusing to spend too much time with him, because I was afraid that I would get attached... But I couldn't stay away, and neither could he. He said that since the first day he saw me, that he wanted to talk to me but didn't know how to approach me. He also said things like he noticed me because of my height (I'm 5'1" and he's over 6 feet) and that he loved the fact that I was so "petite". He also loves my white skin, my freckles and my laugh. All the things that I hate about myself he loved. During my last day we exchanged our contact information. He promised me that he would send me an email every week and as often as he could. Because of his work schedule it is difficult for him to go home often. I told him that I didn't believe that he would. He asked me to go back to Cuba to visit him someday. He also said that he told his mom that he met me. He came to see me at the lobby before I entered the bus to go to the airport. It was a really sad moment. We couldn't even hug because he couldn't be seen with me.

 

Three days after I came back from Cuba, I got an email from him (again I was shocked). I guess I still didn't believe in him. It's been 3 months since I got back from vacation and he did write every week like he promised he would and still does. Since last week, I call him on the phone once a week.

 

For the past months I've been going through roller coaster emotions. One day I feel happy that things will work out... Other days I am sad. I haven't told my family about him, because I am afraid of what they will think about this hole situation. I guess I need to be sure of it myself before I tell them. I have talked to a few of my friends, but they have no clue how serious this has become. The first time that we talked on the phone (last week) since the last time we have seen each other he said that he loved me. We miss each other enormously, and think about each other everyday.

 

I have been thinking of going to see him this fall. He has told me not to stay at a resort (Cuban regulations) because he cannot stay with me in a hotel. He has said that I can rent a room (in a house). He said that he knows people and assures me that it will be a nice place. This worries me a lot. I am worried about my safety there. The problem now, is that I keep having doubts. My head is taking over my feelings for him. I have to be realistic and think that I really don't know this guy. Sure, I know what he likes, I feel comfortable with him... But I don't really know him that well. I keep wondering if he loves me for the right reasons. Is he being honest with me? Does he really love me, or for what I can give him (a better life)?

I have to come to a decision about our relationship. Should I break it off with him? How do I tell him that I don't think it's a good idea for me to not stay at a resort, without implying that I don't know him and can't trust him. I am afraid to hurt his feelings - because he is a wonderful person. But bottom line, I don't know him.

 

So this is my story, can someone help me come to a decision? Should I give him a chance? Send me your thoughts!

Thanks,

.....from a very confused and sad girl.

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pitprincess

I am happy that you found someone that makes you happy inside but at the same time I worry for your safety.

I am not really up on government issues but I do understand that Cuba isn't really a place for a woman alone.

IF you go back and see this man, Please don't go alone and for your safety please stay in a area that you choose not one that he suggested.

He may send you email's or even call but you have to remember there are things happening in these other country's that seems to make our enemy's our best friends with out knowledge of it.

I am no means saying that this man will hurt or bring harm to you.

But you MUST let someone know, Not just someone, Many know about this if you plan on going back alone.

 

For your safety please take measures "if" you find your self heading back to Cuba.

 

People can form a relationship over the net pretty fast, but the downs of it.. is Not Knowing what is hidden.

 

God Bless you and Please and I cant express enough Let someone know where your going what your doing and most important Do not find your self in Cuba as a Woman Alone.

 

God Bless you.

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Um. She's already been in 'Cuba as a Woman Alone'. Everyone I know who has been to Cuba LOVED it, BTW.

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Hi,

 

Last night I went to diner with one of my best friends. He too has been involved in a long-distance relationship (for a year and a half) and had a lot of things to say about it. Talking to him really helped me come to a decision. Going to Cuba alone, I would never do. Although I love this guy, I would never put myself in harms way. This long distance thing is really hard, and I can't handle all these emotions for very long. Being uncertain of our future together is really scary. I have decided to write him a letter saying how I truly feel about him and that I will not go to Cuba to visit him become I am afraid of the outcome (heartache). I am also afraid that our passion once we see each other will cloud my judgment. Two things can outcome of my visit: either he will ask me to move there because he cannot leave - which is not an option for me, or he will ask me to marry him so he can move here with me - also not an option because I don't want to rush into marriage with a guy that I don't know. I will tell him that I do not want to break off this relationship because I love him, and there may be other possibilities - but that it will be his decision. Going to Cuba for a week to visit him, then go back again in six months, is not the way I want to live a relationship. I will tell him that if he really wants this, that it is up to him to make the move to come here. He was born in another country (European continent) and has talked about going back there but was afraid of the outcome. But if he knows that I would join him there, maybe he will consider it even more.... So basically he will know where I stand in this situation and why, but will know that if he decides that he wants to make this move, then I will be here waiting. Although this move would not only be for me, but he has to be sure that this is what he wants. We are serious about each other, so we need to clear this out now. This will also insure that his intentions are real and not only using me to get out of Cuba. If he makes the move here, we will also be able to get to know each other on a day to day basis. The strong possibility is that he will never want anything to do with me after I tell him all this (possibly hurting him a lot) - but then I will be sure of what his intentions were.

 

Do you think this is a wise move?

thanks

Isobel

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pitprincess

I do think its a smart thing to think about and or do.

You just never know what someone may do. I hope that things work out for you two where you can come to know eachother better and maybe one day bring a ldr closer together.

Take care and good luck. :)

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Cuba is a very safe country--it has the lowest crime rate in the Western Hemisphere. I think the main issue is that they're communist. Of course, however, everyone should exercise common sense in keeping themselves safe abroad.

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Isobel

 

I'm new to this forum too and just thought I would share my views as I do not wish to see somebody get hurt.

 

Please be very careful. In my line of work, (which I prefer not to specify) I see so many letters, on a daily basis, written by people like yourself who has meet someone on holiday and thought they were in love. Only to found that once the person has came into this country (the UK) and has obtained the rights to live here legally. He/she is never heard off again. I get so frustrated when I read these letters as they is nothing that can be done once the person has the right to live here.

 

I'm not saying that your guy has this intention, and do not wish to post such a negative reply. Just simply not to rush into anything and keep your eye out for any "signs" that this may be the case.

 

I hope that whatever you decide to do, it turns out for the better.

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Hello,

 

I have sent him the letter telling him how I truly feel about our situation and what needs to happen if he is truly serious about me. It may seem a bit much to write an intense letter like that when we've only spent a week together and kept in touch by email and phone, but these things need to be cleared out before I find myself in too deep. I am not going to see him again... Unless he makes the decision to move here on his own. If he wishes to still see me once he's settled in this country (Canada), then I will know his intentions were good. But at least I wouldn't have been his ticket to this country. So now it's up to him. If he really loves me like he says he does, then he will do it... if he doesn't, then I will know it was all a lie. I'm expecting him not to reply to my letter and just choose to never talk to me again, but it's better to find out now, then later.

 

Thanks to all for you posts - it actually gave me the courage to overcome my emotions and to end it like this!

 

Isobel

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MollyBloom

Courage is the word, girl. Loveshack people are so helpful like that. They gave me the courage to take an "open relationship" stance with my boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years. It's so easy to get in over our heads with people and become "stuck" with fear of what will happen. I am free, I've given myself choices, and I coudn't be happier :)

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the friend

Isbol, i hate to see you get hurt, but looks like you may be dissapointed. I wouldnt count on someone who lives in another country who sees women every day the way he met you. I am haveing a hard time dealing with my BF who lives 5 hours away next to a beach and island. Anyhow, good luck with this.

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pitprincess

I am glad to hear you took this measure to find out where all this is going.

He may love you like he says he does and it may surprise many.

Keeping your self safe from harms way is the best way to do it. :)

I hope everything works out for you and your friend, Good Luck

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