Starting to believe he's not serious

[babyb3]

I was in school with a guy for 4 years. Had a huge crush on him. We were just friends for those 4 years. Nothing else. He moved away, didn't think much of it until he texted me one day (first time ever, forgot he even had my number) and we just started talking casually. I fell for him and he reciprocated. We talked for about a year and a half before we mentioned dating. We decided to do the long distance thing until I lost my job. After that, he was bent on me coming to stay there. Long term. He said he didn't want to do long distance anymore and this was our chance. I agreed because I did want to see how things would work for us. He is amazing, very kind, supportive, and I can tell he does care for me. However, it was very difficult financially so it's been taking me longer than we had hoped. We started arguing a lot over it (more him with me) and it impacted our relationship to an extent. He still expresses his feelings and always tells me he wants me there with him. I suggested he come here and visit me for a few days to sort things out and come up with a solid plan. But he keeps putting it off. He just wants me there. But won't come see me. I asked why and he said since our ultimate goal is for me to be there with him, there's no point. But that really bothers me. Shouldn't he be dying to see me like I am dying to see him? It's not a money issue for him. He goes on trips with his friends, etc. I don't understand why he'd want me to come stay with him but have no desire to see me. I thought eventually he'd just show up and tell me how he feels. But he hasn't. Advice?

[Leegh]

I think he should have made the effort to see you. You sound great, and I think you may be too good for him. It may be one of those situations where you are better off without him. I had a similar situation a number of years ago, where the guy lived in another city and he would visit his parents in another state, but he wouldn't visit me. I visited him once, and asked him to visit me the next time but he said he was too busy with his work. We talked by phone some after that, but the relationship just eventually fizzled out.

[babyb3]

I think he should have made the effort to see you. You sound great, and I think you may be too good for him. It may be one of those situations where you are better off without him. I had a similar situation a number of years ago, where the guy lived in another city and he would visit his parents in another state, but he wouldn't visit me. I visited him once, and asked him to visit me the next time but he said he was too busy with his work. We talked by phone some after that, but the relationship just eventually fizzled out.

 

It breaks my heart. And I want to just keep trying. How would I break things off without regretting it? I don't want it to be my fault we're over.

[FitChick]

If he liked you, he'd want to be with you and get to know you better. It sounds like he is cheap and lazy. It's more convenient for him if you are the one doing all the traveling and moving. He wants sex but can't be bothered to go and get it. He sounds selfish. "Talk is cheap."

[babyb3]

If he liked you, he'd want to be with you and get to know you better. It sounds like he is cheap and lazy. It's more convenient for him if you are the one doing all the traveling and moving. He wants sex but can't be bothered to go and get it. He sounds selfish. "Talk is cheap."

 

Lol! Why would anyone turn down sex? :/

[justwhoiam]

He moved away

...

I suggested he come here and visit me for a few days to sort things out and come up with a solid plan. But he keeps putting it off. He just wants me there. But won't come see me. I asked why and he said since our ultimate goal is for me to be there with him, there's no point. But that really bothers me.

...

Advice?

 

I suspect he's not looking forward to coming back where he used to live. Maybe if he comes there he'd be compelled to see relatives, family, old friends... maybe it's something he doesn't feel like going through right now, for whatever reason.

 

Meet him half way for a weekend. Like a getaway for the two of you. And let him know it's important for you and his inflexibility might be a dealbreaker for you. Then see how he responds to that.

 

Good luck.

[babyb3]

I suspect he's not looking forward to coming back where he used to live. Maybe if he comes there he'd be compelled to see relatives, family, old friends... maybe it's something he doesn't feel like going through right now, for whatever reason.

 

Meet him half way for a weekend. Like a getaway for the two of you. And let him know it's important for you and his inflexibility might be a dealbreaker for you. Then see how he responds to that.

 

Good luck.

 

I don't live where we used to live either. He only knows me here.

[justwhoiam]

I don't live where we used to live either. He only knows me here.

I see. Then make it a matter of principle and see if he's flexible enough. Flexibility is important. I wouldn't last long with someone who just wants things his way. Did you have any chance to know or see if he's flexible on other matters? I guess you don't know him enough to move permanently to his place...