Did I hit rock bottom..?

[fluffpuff]

( I'm Swedish so excuse my grammar >_< )

 

I have a big problem.

About 1.5 year ago I met a guy on a Swedish alternative site.

at the time I was still 16, about to turn 17 and he just turned 27.

I'm in Sweden and he's in U.S

and I would never thought that I would ever be with some that much older than me... But I fell, I fell so hard for him.

these 1.5 has been hard and lonely and at the same time so wonderful.

I love everything about him, even though his not that stable with his life.

we have had our fights but we always make up right after, we really didn't see a point in being mad at each other, when we can't be with each other when ever we want.

he really doesn't have any friends where he live ( all his friends was trough his ex, so they really don't hang out or talk)

So we can say that I'm all he got.

 

we haven't seen each other IRL yet. None of us have had enough money to travel that far. and he still haven't got a new job this past year ( so he's living with his mother (+ her boyfriend ) and grandmother )

 

right now... I'm 18 and he's 28 and things got worse.

he's spending all his time looking for a job, we rarely see each other.

and when he's free his net never really works.

100 of applications, just one interview and still no luck.

 

and now to the point..

yesterday , his mother boyfriend had enough of having him in the house.

he's getting kicked out in end of June and if he doesn't get a job by then..he will be homeless and we will probably never see each other again...

I just don't know what to do anymore.

i'm still living at home and going to school for 2 more years

I can't help him with money... I can't support him with a home or anything.

 

Help? tips? someone?

[TaraMaiden]

I'm sorry to ask, but - what proof do you have that any of this is true?

 

Do you skype, with cameras, or do you 'talk' mainly through writing?

 

I have absolutely no idea why, but something set off some alarm bells/red flags in my thinking....

 

To be that age and living at home with the people he lives with....

I don't know why.

Something just seems off.....

[HeavenOrHell]

Sorry but this all sounds quite hopeless to me, but if you're happy being in a 'relationship' with someone you may never meet if you can't afford to, then that's fine.

There's really nothing you can do to help him with money or housing, even if you had a home it would be foolish to live with someone you've never met. He needs to get support in his own country.

 

 

( I'm Swedish so excuse my grammar >_< )

 

I have a big problem.

About 1.5 year ago I met a guy on a Swedish alternative site.

at the time I was still 16, about to turn 17 and he just turned 27.

I'm in Sweden and he's in U.S

and I would never thought that I would ever be with some that much older than me... But I fell, I fell so hard for him.

these 1.5 has been hard and lonely and at the same time so wonderful.

I love everything about him, even though his not that stable with his life.

we have had our fights but we always make up right after, we really didn't see a point in being mad at each other, when we can't be with each other when ever we want.

he really doesn't have any friends where he live ( all his friends was trough his ex, so they really don't hang out or talk)

So we can say that I'm all he got.

 

we haven't seen each other IRL yet. None of us have had enough money to travel that far. and he still haven't got a new job this past year ( so he's living with his mother (+ her boyfriend ) and grandmother )

 

right now... I'm 18 and he's 28 and things got worse.

he's spending all his time looking for a job, we rarely see each other.

and when he's free his net never really works.

100 of applications, just one interview and still no luck.

 

and now to the point..

yesterday , his mother boyfriend had enough of having him in the house.

he's getting kicked out in end of June and if he doesn't get a job by then..he will be homeless and we will probably never see each other again...

I just don't know what to do anymore.

i'm still living at home and going to school for 2 more years

I can't help him with money... I can't support him with a home or anything.

 

Help? tips? someone?

[fluffpuff]

well, skyping is all we really do and if we're lucky we sleep with the video on.

and I somehow know it's true.. I were on skype with him that day and I over heard them.

 

I really don't see anything wrong with going back to live with his parents.

(Just temporary of course, so he could live somewhere until he got a job)

mostly because I've seen my brother going back and forth living at home and he's 26

[TaraMaiden]

Does his mother feel the same about him moving out?

 

It's not up to his Mother's Boyfriend to decide on what will be done.

 

I hate to say it, but given the fall in his communication, I'm not sure you're getting the full story here.

 

He's 28 and in the USA.

You're 18 and thousands of miles away.

You've never actually 'met'.

 

A guy 10 years older than you, in his situation?

 

I'm sorry, I would run a mile, never look back - and keep running.

 

To be honest, you really need to get out more and meet people nearer your age.

 

This really isn't a good thing to be investing your interest in, in the long-run.

 

(And what do you mean by a Swedish 'alternative' site....?)

[fluffpuff]

His mother is against it and she's trying to calm her boyfriend down.. with no luck so far. I don't know why it is that way, but in that hosehold he's in charge.

 

and maybe you're right... it's, maybe time to say goodbye.

[TaraMaiden]

One cannot question or control the dynamics occurring in another household, but to be honest, I can see the boyfriend's point. In any circumstance, a nearly-30-year-old man should not be living with his mother....

 

I realise the job sector is tight, but it's not impossible.

Obviously we cannot 'see' everything that's going on there, but many might describe this guy as 'a loser'.

 

28, on-line with an 18-year-old...

 

(And you still haven't clarified the Swedish alternative website....? What do you mean by 'alternative'?)

 

This may give further clues, because comparing the two mentalities (American and Swedish) I know them to be vastly different in their attitudes and approaches.

 

The Swedes have a reputation for being very open, laid-back and liberal, with regard to sexuality and their bodies. Many think nothing of nudity, shared saunas and are quite comfortable with their own sexuality.

Some of these processes, to many Americans would be considered kinky or avant-garde..... in addition to which, extremely exciting to a 28-year-old, conversing with a young Swedish teenager......

[fluffpuff]

Emocore . se

just a "normal" site for alternative people like myself.

[Emilia]

Help? tips? someone?

Skype is free, his financial situation isn't what will prevent contact.

 

All said, he doesn't sound like a winner to me. What was a 26 year-old doing to a 16 year-old?

[TaraMaiden]

checked it... sorry, I don't get the 'alternative' bit......

 

But okay.

All I have responded with still stands.

[umirano]

fluffpuff, I'm sure you love that guy for some reason. But think about it, do you think his personality will undergo a fundamental change at 28 yo? He doesn't sound like someone who is able to take care of his girl, let alone of a family. You should be in actual relationships with physical interaction at your age, and not pursuing some fantasy with a very low probability of ever materializing. So, I suggest you cut yourself lose. It sure sounds like a dead end to me.

 

Good luck!

[Treasa]

Ok, so he lives thousands of miles away from you in another country, is 10 years older than you, is 28 with no job and living with his mom and her boyfriend and all that in a house full of drama, AND you aren't even getting your emotional needs met.

 

Sweetheart, even if you were the most lowly person on earth, which you aren't, I would tell you that you're better off being single than being with this idiot.

 

I have been in your situation, minus the being 10 years younger part. Also, I had a job and my own place.

 

PLEASE dump him and find someone closer, your own age, and someone who is financially independent, or at least in school or doing something with his life, instead of someone who's "trying" to.