justwhoiam Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Hi everyone, I'm not sure this is the right forum to ask, but bear with me, I'm in a LDR and this regards my man. So, someone poked him on Facebook. It's a woman he worked with? Anyway, she's 40 something, living in another state and they've been friends on FB for years. In short, what do you think poking means? Why did she poke him? She has a family of her own. Is she getting that bored? He didn't poke back. At least not yet. This happened Friday afternoon. I've read that it's like ringing someone's cell phone or a way to say "I thought of you". Also, do (straight) guys poke other guys? I see that FB suggests to poke friends of the opposite sex only... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 (edited) Hm, this is tough. I don't take FB seriously at all and have ignored "pokes" and friends requests from people I don't know/or have only met a few times. I know others take it way seriously and have gotten upset with me... but it's my choice as to how I want to use it. I wouldn't look into it that much... If your bf doesn't take FB seriously, I wouldn't either. I've had friends invite me to things on FB and I hadn't check it in a few days and they got upset for not showing up. I still like being called or texted personally and leave the online world at an arms distance. If I was single and wanted a man, a "poke" wouldn't be sufficient. So I would chalk it up to her being bored. But only she would know. If she takes FB communication seriously, she may want to start a conversation with him. If she has a family (married, kids etc) then I'd hope she's just using it as a tool to create friendly communication. If she starts to reach out to him to hang out/talk etc, I'd hope your man creates boundaries. Edited May 6, 2013 by CherryT 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PepperPotts Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 In college, I had a back and forth poke thing going on with friends of both sexes I was no longer around. Basically, it was how we let each other know we hadn't forgotten about our friendship. They were people I will likely never see again, and we kept it up for years. It honestly meant nothing more than "hey, I still remember you exist." No conversations or emotions were attached. That being said, I have also received pokes in the past from male facebookers that I was not close friends with (guys from high school or new classmates)-- guys who would subsequently message me about how attractive I looked in my new profile pic. So really, it could go either way. But in this situation, I think it's important to remember that when you're determining the intent of Facebook use you need to take into consideration the age/generation of the person contacting you. A forty-year-old woman with a family is (to me) less likely to be poking your boyfriend because she wants your boyfriend to, well, return the favor in real life, and more likely to be poking him because he is an old friend she hasn't talked to in a while, and she's saying "hey, I remember you exist and still remember you fondly, old chum." TL;DR: If the guy down the row in Comp 301 pokes me immediately after adding me as a friend, I ignore it as flirting I'm not interested in. If my guy friend from high school I haven't seen in ten years pokes me, I think "Oh hey, Jack, it's been a while but I also have no desire to converse with you, so I will poke you back." If my aunt pokes me, I remember that she's new at this and that Internet etiquette is murky at best. So I wouldn't read too much into it if it was me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PepperPotts Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Ooh, and to clarify, the major reasons I wouldn't worry are: 1. They've been friends for years 2. She lives in another state and has a family 3. She's 40, not 24. I would think it's likely she either poked several people she hadn't heard from in a while all at once, or she poked him because something at work reminded her of a memory of him and she thought "I wonder how that old so and so is doing?' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Has there ever been anything between them at all ? Have they communicated on any other level online or not ? For younger generation poking could be manner of flirting and honestly its kind of silly thing for 40 something to do for myself I never poked anyone but s/o or guy I was interested in. ps: You have his password I assume get on sometimes see if she hits him up for chat or she proceeds to message him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwhoiam Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 Has there ever been anything between them at all ? No. Have they communicated on any other level online or not ? They chatted through FB some months ago. For younger generation poking could be manner of flirting and honestly its kind of silly thing for 40 something to do for myself I never poked anyone but s/o or guy I was interested in. That's why I think it's silly of her poking him. He gets texted if she does... You would think she would send him a message if she had anything to say................... but I guess I know why she did... In a few days, it's her birthday... see if she hits him up for chat or she proceeds to message him. She did try to chat him up last year after he was on TV... Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 So she might wanna be "poked" Now you know at least man are often dumb at this kind of thing or pretend to be dumb about it. Get her out of there before she is o it's my b day o its my kid o it's my hubby no such thing as we are just friends man- woman ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Poking is often just harmless silliness, a bit of fun, it's a way of saying 'hi', I think my partner pokes one or two female friends, or used to, not sure he does now, maybe just one of his married friends, possibly another single friend. I poke male friends as well as female, usually just in silliness or as a way of saying hi, or thinking of you. In can be a flirtatious thing as well, but if your partner isn't interested in anyone but you in that way then I wouldn't worry. I think on the whole, poking is just a silly insignificant thing. I havent seen fb saying to poke friends of the opposite sex only, that sounds daft to me, I poke female friends. If it's you he wants and you know you can trust him then it doesn't matter who pokes him or who he pokes, it's just harmless fun. If she was starting to get very flirty in other ways then it would only be a worry if he didn't ask her to back off. Hi everyone, I'm not sure this is the right forum to ask, but bear with me, I'm in a LDR and this regards my man. So, someone poked him on Facebook. It's a woman he worked with? Anyway, she's 40 something, living in another state and they've been friends on FB for years. In short, what do you think poking means? Why did she poke him? She has a family of her own. Is she getting that bored? He didn't poke back. At least not yet. This happened Friday afternoon. I've read that it's like ringing someone's cell phone or a way to say "I thought of you". Also, do (straight) guys poke other guys? I see that FB suggests to poke friends of the opposite sex only... Thanks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwhoiam Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 Get her out of there If it were on me, I would! But I wouldn't go that far... In can be a flirtatious thing as well, but if your partner isn't interested in anyone but you in that way then I wouldn't worry. Well, she's not his kind. But still, I see it as bugging him for no reason. I guess she has nothing really to say to him, but feels like being in touch, maybe hoping he makes contact or something. I havent seen fb saying to poke friends of the opposite sex only, that sounds daft to me Ok. You can check. If someone poked you, you go to that (poke) page and on the right, you'll see a list of people that Facebook suggests you might want to poke. Then let me know what you see there. If it's you he wants and you know you can trust him then it doesn't matter who pokes him or who he pokes, it's just harmless fun. Yes, I was curious. If she was starting to get very flirty in other ways then it would only be a worry if he didn't ask her to back off. I don't think he'd take her seriously. But yes, she's (jokingly) flirty. Probably until a few years ago, he would have played around. Out of boredom. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 The poke suggestions I have are male and female, so I'm not sure what you mean. Nothing wrong with her wanting to be in touch with him as long as she's not wanting more and disregarding you, as that would be annoying of course. It's normal to have friends of the opposite sex and to poke each other I think jokingly flirty is ok, it doesn't mean a person wants more, I wouldn't worry If it were on me, I would! But I wouldn't go that far... Well, she's not his kind. But still, I see it as bugging him for no reason. I guess she has nothing really to say to him, but feels like being in touch, maybe hoping he makes contact or something. Ok. You can check. If someone poked you, you go to that (poke) page and on the right, you'll see a list of people that Facebook suggests you might want to poke. Then let me know what you see there. Yes, I was curious. I don't think he'd take her seriously. But yes, she's (jokingly) flirty. Probably until a few years ago, he would have played around. Out of boredom. Link to post Share on other sites
PepperPotts Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 ps: You have his password I assume get on sometimes see if she hits him up for chat or she proceeds to message him. This is the road to misery and misunderstanding. Good luck explaining to your boyfriend that you know there's something going on *because you logged into his Facebook.* If you need to log into his accounts to feel safe, you don't trust him, and that should be your answer right there. Even when nothing untoward is going on violating your SO's privacy only leads to hurt feelings and mistrust! Just... don't. Don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 I always cringe when I hear about someone finding out, or asking for, their partner's log in details, there's no point in a r/ship without trust. This is the road to misery and misunderstanding. Good luck explaining to your boyfriend that you know there's something going on *because you logged into his Facebook.* If you need to log into his accounts to feel safe, you don't trust him, and that should be your answer right there. Even when nothing untoward is going on violating your SO's privacy only leads to hurt feelings and mistrust! Just... don't. Don't. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 What is 'poking' on Facebook? I've never heard of it - not a big Facebook user. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwhoiam Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 About your last posts, I believe in sharing, we share some accounts, for example: email, itunes, cloud space, etc. It lets up keep in touch with one another even when time zone wouldn't allow it. So it works for us. We can upload music there and vote the songs and know about each other tastes... we try to make up for the time away from one another. Anyway, about the poking thing, I was very curious to know. If you see both males and females in there, it's because you poke both. FB must be able to track that. It probably works like with advertisment: based on the pages you surf/browse, things you look for, you will see ads that are specific for you (or so it thinks). So if you're a guy and poke only guys, it will suggest other guys in your list to poke. - Some update on that - I thought she was an ex colleague, but I was wrong. They've never met and in his own words "they never will". He's in touch with a guy he worked with and she's in his list. Friend's friend... let's put it this way, though no one of them is really a friend. And she has a habit of poking whenever he hasn't looked at her pages for a while. Kind of an attention seeker. Eventually, she'll get tired of it. Or he will... Thanks for all the answers! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 It's just a silly thing where you click *poke* next to someone's name and it tells them you've poked them, and they can poke you back in return if they want to. What is 'poking' on Facebook? I've never heard of it - not a big Facebook user. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 It's just a silly thing where you click *poke* next to someone's name and it tells them you've poked them, and they can poke you back in return if they want to. Oh, ok, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 You do know that the 'poke' app sometimes prods people to 'poke' a whole list of their friends, and even lets you select all to save your time? I'd read into it as much as I would a Candy Crush request... which is to say not at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 I disabled the poking feature on my facebook account back in 2007 when I opened it. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Oh man girl you gotta relax!!! Deep breath in and deep breath out. It's only Facebook. Gotta have a little faith and trust. Especially in an LDR right?? Don't work yourself up for stupid Facebook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwhoiam Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 Oh man girl you gotta relax!!! Deep breath in and deep breath out. It's only Facebook. Gotta have a little faith and trust. Especially in an LDR right?? Don't work yourself up for stupid Facebook. I guess everyone's relaxed in here. Whom are you referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts