Aicha Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 He says he loves me and misses me all the time. now he is back in ireland for work and he is also busy doing a masters and his mother is ill too. he doesnt have time to talk much and is always tired and working. he booked me a flight to visit him for the weekend. but the past week he didnt text or call me as he has been in germany for a week with his ill mother for treatment. he is still there. he didnt call to say bye when he left and i didnt even know he was leaving. i texted him after a week of no contact asking if he was OK. he replied yes and that he misses me. But he didnt ask how i was. He doesnt communicate much with me when we are apart. should i be weary? I am always considerate that his mother is very ill and he is extremely busy with his job and masters. so i never complain. we have only met once but been talking for over a year. any viewpoints would be great..do you think i should be weary of his lack of communication? or am i being selfish? it is so hard being away from him. LDR are hard! :s Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 hey, feeling for you..... lack of communication is a clear killer to any relationship. LDR are incredibly difficult and i can't see myself engaging in such, but the lack of communication by your friend is a point of concern, plain and simple. you are not being selfish. of course not. he may be busy and likely stressed, but he could find some time to communicate with you more frequently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 do you think i should be weary of his lack of communication? or am i being selfish? My guess is the guy is up to his ears in responsibilities which comes down to a matter of priorities. Whether intentional or not, you're not a top priority in his life -- at least not at the moment. I'm sure you don't want to hear that but sometimes life gets in the way of best-laid plans and/or hopes/dreams. All that aside, you've gotten a tricky situation on your hands. On one hand, if you complain, he may cut you totally out of his life as he doesn't need any more hassles. What he probably needs right now is someone who understands and will be there for him. If it's not you, it will be someone else. However, if you don't raise the issue and continue to allow him to make you low man on the totem pole when it comes to who and what he makes time for, he may well come to the conclusion you're satisfied with that level of (in) attention -- IOW, that he can take you for granted and it's no big deal to you. Don't go there. If you haven't had it already, the two of you need to have a conversation along the lines of "I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope you know that I am here for you, but I feel XYZ when..." and see where that goes. If you don't want to have that conversation, or you do and there's no improvement, then you need to withdraw yourself from the equation. Not fair to you to drive yourself nuts wanting him to give you something he can't give, and not fair to him to be guilt-tripped into continuing a relationship with you when he's trying to deal with so much else. Not easy I know, but consider this: "What's for you, won't pass you by." It's an old Irish proverb you may or may not be familiar with, but in this case, I think particularly apropos. Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 In a year and a half you have only met once? Why? How long ago was it? If he has paid for your upcoming flight (you must be very close if it's only for a weekend visit) wait until you meet him for the second time in your life before making any decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aicha Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 yes we met online one and a half years ago, but he moved to ireland for work when we started talking as he got a new job. he was in london before he moved, i am in London. so the distance was in the way. He visited me 2 months ago he cam for the day as he had to fly back for work. when he visited me here in london for the day it was the best! so he booked me a flight to stay with him for the weekend, in a couple of weeks time. Now he has not texted me the past week as he is in germany for 2 weeks. i am upset because he didnt say bye and i didnt know exactly when he was leaving to go. i dont even know what day he is returning to ireland. i dont want to complain but cant help feeling ignored Link to post Share on other sites
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