Hyouri Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) Hello! I just recently broke up with my gf, reason are simple: She's gone cold, because of the LDR (and maybe another guy). The same stuff, likes me , but doesn't love me. Anyway, that's not the reason why I'm writing this thread. I've been pondering about one simple thing: First, let me clarify, I'm not over her yet, I still need to heal and I know this. I do not plan any kind of serious relationship now. However. I was thinking, I'm working abroad for more than a year now and I'll continue to do so in the next following years. Should I even TRY to search for any kind of serious relationship in the future (after I healed ofc) ? I mean, this rs has died BECAUSE of LDR. It didn't matter that I've always traveled home at least once each month. Or even more. It feels like there's no point, even if I try, because LDR will just kill it off again.. Most women can't handle LDR anyway, no to mention most of them doesn't even want to go abroad or is afraid to do so. Sadly, I don't speak the language here very well yet. So "getting a gf here"' is not an option either, not to mention that my workplace is in the middle of nowhere... (and I don't like the type of women here... ) So what do you think guys/girls? How should I approach this problem? Anybody got experience with this? Edited April 30, 2013 by Hyouri Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 If you believe that it can't work, it won't work. It worked for me (2 years apart, visits every 6 months, yes, one of us is a woman ), but that was because we believed it could work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 If you believe that it can't work, it won't work. It worked for me (2 years apart, visits every 6 months, yes, one of us is a woman ), but that was because we believed it could work. Man, just can't see how I'd be able to handle the lack of physical contact. Yikes.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 However. I was thinking, I'm working abroad for more than a year now and I'll continue to do so in the next following years. Should I even TRY to search for any kind of serious relationship in the future (after I healed ofc) ? I mean, this rs has died BECAUSE of LDR. It didn't matter that I've always traveled home at least once each month. Or even more. It feels like there's no point, even if I try, because LDR will just kill it off again.. Most women can't handle LDR anyway, no to mention most of them doesn't even want to go abroad or is afraid to do so. Sadly, I don't speak the language here very well yet. So "getting a gf here"' is not an option either, not to mention that my workplace is in the middle of nowhere... (and I don't like the type of women here... ) So what do you think guys/girls? How should I approach this problem? Anybody got experience with this? I think most people can't handle LDR, I'm one of them. Seeing someone at weekends is barely a relationship to me, let alone once a fortnight or month or every other month. I think it takes that much longer to get to know the person and I think many fall in love with a fantasy. It's easy to be perfect when you spend very little time together. Some people make it work though, I suppose I never had the drive to. I lived in countries where dating local men wasn't really an option and relying on the ex-pat community didn't always help. It's a choice we have to make sometimes. In the end I decided that living in a society populated by like-minded people was the most important thing for me. Maybe it's something you need to think about too? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 It's works for me and my guy (3 1/2 years) and it will continue to work until we can be together full time. Despite the distance and the limited physical contact, we know each other inside out (good and bad) and our relationship is awesome. As Elswyth says, it will work if you believe it can work - and, of course, if you both want it to work. Some people can handle it, some can't - I don't think gender is relevant though. I would never deliberately choose a LDR over a close one because they do have their challenges, but if LDR is your only option and you meet someone you like, why not give it a go? What have you got to lose if you're going to be single otherwise? You can just as easily get your heart broken in a relationship with a girl who lives next door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Man, just can't see how I'd be able to handle the lack of physical contact. Yikes.... Definitely tough - that's one of the biggest issues in LDRs. To us, it was an investment - we truly saw a future in each other and it was worth the 2 years of crappy distance to hold out for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 I think most people can't handle LDR, I'm one of them. Seeing someone at weekends is barely a relationship to me, let alone once a fortnight or month or every other month. I think it takes that much longer to get to know the person and I think many fall in love with a fantasy. It's easy to be perfect when you spend very little time together. My honest belief about LDRs (assuming we're talking about people who've actually met IRL and have serious plans for the future) is that the distance actually exacerbates issues, it doesn't usually hide them. At the beginning, sure, there's the honeymoon phase like in any other R, but once that goes... whoa, you have to deal with all that, with the constraints of not having the benefit of RL presence, touch, contact, to deal with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hyouri Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I'm starting to really hate this situation. Thanks for all the answers guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts