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LDR BF is not caring


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Dear Friends,

 

I am in a LDR relationship for the past 3 years.The first time, i met my BF was in July 2010, when he proposed. It was just a 4 hour dating. And after that, we met only 4-5 times in a year. And, on each dating we will spend only about 8-10 hours together. He will be in his hometown, and will spend most of his time with his mother. I am totally okey with it, as she is also lonely, all on her own.

 

The problem now is, the lack of communication in our relationship. As u can see, we hardly meet, only about 5times in a year, (10x5=50hours in a year). So, the only communication method is phone. He dont have laptop (so, no Skype). But, he doesn't spend time with me where else he prefer to spend his time watching TV, roaming with his friends and so on.

 

And, during my hard times, when i need him the most he was nvr available for me at all. But, when he needs me, he will have all the time to call and spend time with me. I feel i am being used only.

 

And, the worst part is breaking up is not an option, as he loves me alot, and his mother loves me alot, and our marriage is already being planned. He said even after our marriage, i would have to stay with his mother and tc of her while he will be in working place. (This is totally acceptable, as most of the Indian families daughter in law, stays with the mum in law). My problem, is even after 3 years of relationship, he is not spending time with me, how would he be able to spend time with me after marriage, if i am going to be away from him

 

My problem is now

  • What shoul i do for him to spend time with me?
  • How to take this relationship further, as i dont have an option to break up
  • We have tlked alot about this before but nothing changed from his side

 

Thank you

Mithra

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LittleTiger

Hi Mithra, welcome to LS.

 

I realise that this may not be the advice you're looking for, but are you sure you want to marry a man you hardly know and hardly ever see, who isn't caring towards you and seems to be marrying you for the sole purpose of keeping his mother company? Oh and perhaps keeping him warm at night when he has nothing better to do?

 

I don't know anything about your culture, but are you absolutely sure that breaking up isn't an option?

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on each dating we will spend only about 8-10 hours together.
Why? Is it for religious/social rules?

 

when i need him the most he was nvr available for me at all. But, when he needs me, he will have all the time to call and spend time with me. I feel i am being used only.
Have you ever brought this up with him?

 

breaking up is not an option, as he loves me alot, and his mother loves me alot, and our marriage is already being planned.
So breaking up is not in the picture because he and his mother wouldn't like it? What about you?

 

He said even after our marriage, i would have to stay with his mother and tc of her while he will be in working place.
Who's with her right now when he's working? From what you wrote, it looks like he's away for work. If so, where? Can you join him if you feel like? Where is he staying at night?

 

What shoul i do for him to spend time with me?
I think you've always accepted his decisions and impositions. Now it seems a bit late to stand up for yourself. Nevertheless, you should, and show him you have your own brain and feelings. Then see what happens. You might get to know his real nature. And it's necessary you do so before getting married.

 

How to take this relationship further, as i dont have an option to break up
Again, if you start anything as a loser, don't expect to succeed in anything. Just accept everything that comes your way passively and be unhappy about it. You can contribute to build your own future.

 

We have tlked alot about this before but nothing changed from his side
Not knowing what you discussed exactly and what each of you said, it's difficult to comment on it and understand why nothing has changed.
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