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Dont know whats going to happen


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ConfusedanScared

Over the summer of 2012 i got bored an joined a chat website and started dating this girl and it was great we dated for about 8 months before we broke up i was really upset about it because i hadnt even had the chance of seeing her the up coming summer that i planned to visit. I saw all the signs that she was becoming distant but chose to ignore it. When we broke up I became very paranoid with my relationships, about 2 months ago I started dating another girl from the same website and it was 100x better then my previous relationship. We text all the time and on the weekends call eachother and recently started video chatting. The thing is that im in New Jersey and shes in Texas... thats pretty far. I met her during my last relationship but only as friends and after getting to know her a little more an flirting we ended up falling for eachther, best feeling. Anyways we've been dating for about 2 months now and I keep thinking about negative thoughts of her becoming distant and ending up wanting to break up. Ive brought it up to her a couple times and she just tells me that she wants me to stop thinking about it because she loves me an wants to stay with me for a long time. I know that sounds great but I cant help it. I remember reading somewhere that if you dont lover yourself then you cant trust that someone else would love you. That quote grabbed my attention an its always on my mind. I dont like the way I look and have been working on it for almost a year and ive made alot of progress but I cant help but hate myself. Being that far and havig the feeling that her next text could be "I wanna break up" kills me. I drown myself in that thought to the point im unresponsive to my own name. She knows that im sensitive so I dont know if shes holding back that break up cause she doesnt want to hurt me or she actually feels the way she feels. Its extremly confusing and I havent brought it up to her again because I want to make her think I dont think like thay anymore. We have video chat so far 3 times which isnt that bad considering we started that up a week ago on a friday. I sometimes catch her stareing at the computer and when I ask her what shes looking st she says shes just looking at me which is good but I dont know what shes actually thinking when she looks at me and that only makes me think the worst. Due to my self-esteem issues and self-consciousness I tend to over examine everything she says looking at it from a good state and a bad one. I remember mostly everything she says to me and just think about everything, just thinking. Having all of this pent up confusion and paranoia is leading me to think I should do things that could just end everything. I dont want to loose her because she makes me feel amazingly happy its just the times that im not talking to her that i feel like crap. Im visiting her this summer and I think seeing how she acts around me would really put my mind at ease to wether or not her feelings are true. In the meantime I could really use some advice at to how I can go about thinking positivly about this istead of beating myself up every 5 minutes.

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cluelessXgirl

She has no gain in lieing to you. If she says she feels like that then its true. If you end it now won't you ever ask yourself "What if we continued?" Before you decide anything make sure you see her at least once. See how she acts and how she looks at you. IF its going then its definately worth it.

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I don't think that talking to anyone online can be defined as "dating". Meet her and then see if she can be your girlfriend.

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