sunflowerchick Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 sorry it's so long guys. me in US, him in Europe... I am 26, he is 28. We started as penpals 3 years ago, turned into something more. We met up (I came to Europe to see him) and we became a couple. Spent the summers together in his town, stayed with his family, got very close. We used to make plans for our future, i.e. how we could be in the same place instead of worlds away, plans for vacations, send each other emails often...with I love yous, I miss yous, I wish you were here's... Past 3 months, haven't heard much from him except a couple of texts and casual e-mails. None of them really focusing on us as a couple but like: hey I moved to my new apartment, hey I am out with some friends... So currently he is stressed and busy right now because he is working on his PhD and has a deadline for the thesis. Which I understand. But it was very painful to go from being close to being like casual acquaintances. I brought it up to him through text: "it hurts me that I feel so disconnected from you" and later, through direct emails "you need to decide if you have the time right now to be in a relationship with me, because I feel cut out of your life" he doesn't say much except that he is busy and exhausted from his PhD. And he doesn't have internet at his apartment. But he does have it at work all day and an email to check on his girlfriend would only take 5 minutes, right? Yeah but he never sent those. He never said "I'm sorry things are kind of hectic right now and I can't give you much attention." He just kind of said nothing and this hurt me. Because for 3 months, I am wondering why he is cutting me off, if there is another woman, if he just lost interest in me, or what. We have one confrontation online where he basically tells me he doesn't really know what to talk about and he hates chatting online because it's nothing like being together in real life. And he says it makes him mad when he is with his other friends who are in relationships because it reminds him of everything we can't do. I explain to him that communication is so important, especially since we are in a LDR. And for him to act so aloof/distant since December is not okay and makes me kind of lose confidence in his commitment to us. I am pretty mad by this point, mainly because he is acting like it's no big deal and he just keeps trying to say he cares about me but his actions don't show it. I send him an e-mail that it's over. A long one with explanations. Next day I get 2 texts, 2 missed calls, and a long e-mail. He texts me: "why are you so mean in what you said?" I send him an email later that if later when his phd is over and he has time, we can try to be friends but not right now. Over the next few weeks, he sends me a few esoteric texts that make no sense to me in the context of things: "im out with friends, this guy has a girlfriend in brazil" "party's over. im in bed now. goodnight." "have a good weekend. im going to vienna." I got fed up because he doesn't want to discuss our relationship issues or what the next step is so I send him a message to give me space and not contact me because he is confusing and frustrating me and I can't handle it anymore. I actually tell him that talking to him is harming me mentally. (I started getting very depressed) 2 days later, today I get this text: "what does it mean to not answer? we're discussing us foreign policy. why aren't you here? it kills me." I am not answering the text because I am fed up...but what is this guy's deal? Can you guys give me some perspective? I don't get his angle. I am no contact with this guy since I told him to leave me alone. There is no other woman (I trust him for that and he admitted there was no one, he is pretty lonely because everyone of his friends moved from his town and he's having a hard time meeting people). Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Why were you the one doing all the travelling? Was he paying for at least half of it? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Can you give him another chance? Everyone makes mistakes... About rambling texts, men are like that. But be sure that each and any of them means something in his mind. You just have no clue, but that's a different story. Think of the following, randomly: being with others and feeling lonely, being on your own to places that remind you of the one you love, wanting to be with the one you love and feeling you're not up to them, feeling you can be boring, feeling like you can let the other person down, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflowerchick Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I paid for most of it because he is doing a Phd and thus has very little income while I was working. Still it sucked because I'm not exactly raking in the dough...was working 3 part-time jobs back then Justwhoiam - I can give him another chance but I am not sure if anything will change. I am not willing to pay to see him again, he has to come to me. That's my ultimatum if we do indeed re-connect. Link to post Share on other sites
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