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What do you think went on here with her? Did I blow it by not being very responsive?


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Gambler1984

We were involved for two years, started as friends and build it up the best way possible. We had a lot in common, came from the same backgrounds, similar interests, rarely argued, I feel like she was my soulmate. However, I knew she was going to leave at some point because she wanted to get her PhD and it wouldn't be here. She got a great offer and had to take it, though I thought she would back out at the last minute. She didn't want me to come with, nor was I in the predictament to go, I was wrapping up my undergrad here. She broke up with me twice before leaving, citing she was leaving and didn't want to make it harder than it would already be, but then she'd always return within a month and we'd be back together. We dated the last 3 months she lived here and then when she left, it was so tough. I cried all of the time. Our last moment together ended with a kiss, not a handshake or a hug. I get upset just writing about it.

 

Prior to moving, she said a few odd things to me like, "When I move to TX, I'll probably meet the one for me" and "When I come back to MN, you'll be married and yor wife won't let me see you!" My counselor said those were likely tests to see what I would say or do.

 

Anyways, she had a bf a month after moving and when she told me about it, I stopped contacting her. I told her I didn't want to know about it. She would still comment and like my posts, periodically send a text, but I was not responsive. My understanding is that the guy is in her chemistry program or something like that. Two months went by, she tried chatting with me on FB one night but I cut her off after a few minutes. I had nothing to say. Right after thanksgiving, I received a picture of her texted to me. Now I like the cat, but a text message pic of it, saying "Pumpkin says howdy from Texas!"? What the hell does that mean?

My friend who knows her made a bet with me that he doubts that guy will be around by January 1, well, he appeared in her profile pic with big freaking aviator sunglasses occupying most of the picture. According to my friend though, her relationship status was blank and went blank in mid November. The guy appeared again in her profile pic in late February like a day after we had some communication. Strange timing in my opinion. A few weeks later, that pic vanished again and then I began to get contacted a lot more. The week after it vanished, I got called, got like 15 likes/comments on my posts, said I was looking great in my photo that I had posted, etc. A week after that, I got another pic of the cat sent to me, this time by email.

 

From that point on, she liked/commented on more of my posts than anyone else. Keep in mind I hid her wall and never liked/commented on anything she posted. This FB stuff went on from March-November until I disabled my profile after that guy appeared in her profile pic again in November.

 

She was on dating sites from about May-November I want to say and then he appears again and its the same photo with the aviator sunglasses. My boss said he's probably a d-bag.

 

It almost like she'd like/comment on old posts that wouldn't show up in the newsfeed either.

 

I don't know her to be direct and know her to be a poor communicator, especially expressing feelings for someone. I did not reply with much haste. We chatted on FB back in August, but she did all of the question asking, I asked her nothing really.

 

I wish I had been more responsive and at least got to the bottom of why she was doing what she was doing, because it wasn't normal. Something seemed up.

 

Many people have told me that she was trying to get my attention and they believe it was because she still liked me. They think there are still a lot of feelings for me and that she still loves me. I however disagree, now that I seen this guy appear again 8 months later.

 

I sent her an email letter in December telling her how I felt, but said I wasn't looking for a direct response. I disable my FB and haven't been back on yet. I haven't not gotten a phone call/text about the letter, but it doesn't shock me since I asked not for one and never got a response years ago when I gave her a letter in person. People say not responding to the letter doesn't mean much considering the kind of person she is. People also disagree that she was using me as a backup since I wasn't being responsive, they believe she was lonely and went back to that guy down there because of proximity and lonliness.

 

What do you think is going on?

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LittleTiger

She has gone away to college and is getting on with her life. She's also keeping in touch with you by sending friendly messages with pictures of her cat etc.

 

If you want to attempt a LDR with her, the best thing to do is tell her directly how you feel and take it from there.

 

My guess is, she is away enjoying herself with lots of new people and exciting stuff going on. Unless you had agreed to a committed LDR before she left, it's unlikely she will agree to it now.

 

If she doesn't respond positively to your direct approach, it's probably best to cut your losses. Stay friends if that's what you want but, while she's away, don't expect any more.

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She looks like an attention seeker... She was probably missing the old times. New doesn't always mean better. It's good you didn't pay much attention to her. But maybe, she was also expecting you to do something (more) to keep her. You didn't.

 

Try to move on.

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