A bit worried

[Samarax]

So I'm in need of some advice, there is this guy I have known for a few years now, recently we had started dating. We haven't run into any problems I can think of, however something has been going on in the past couple weeks I can't put my finger on.

 

I've had this killer gut feeling somethings wrong ever since he had gotten back from hunting for almost a week. Now before I go off into this rant, I need to explain he is a very busy person, hes still going to college he has classes in the morning and after school he goes to work and is normally there until midnight, ontop of that he does do running for his parents, and once again ontop of that he does have to deal with a crazy ex thats the mother of his daughter. So I do understand there will be times where comunication isn't the greatest.

 

Now, as I said since he has come back from hunting it seems hes started putting less effort into contacting me or making time for me, he would go a day or two without contact at all and throughout the week I would not hear from him until later in the day I would recieve a txt from him supposubly being at work and really busy, he normally would say he'd call after work (which he did). Now in the recent week or two, I had started to worry a bit more due to my phone being broken and if there was an accident nobody would be able to get ahold of me and let me know if he was injured, I had heard there was a car crash on the highway from one of my friends and they had said it looked like his vehicle. I tried a few times max of 3 or 4 throughout the entire day to call his cell which he refused to answer, I had called his work and they had told me he was not there. So I sent a text, saying I was going to drive up there and check on him to see if he was okay, soon after I get a text saying hes at work just really busy and about 30m later hes magicly in the silent break room calling me, it seemed a bit odd to me but this was one of the first incidents.

 

Now, everything seemed okay once again, still was a bit hard to get ahold of him which I understand however, I had not been able to see him much due to his work so I had decided to stay at his house with him and watch his daughter while he was at work this was a period of 3 days, the third day he was off and that day was set up as our date day, his "friend" strangely blew his phone up those days she would call early in the morning between 1-3am started slow now the third day which was our day, she blew his phone to hell and back and he continued to text and respond, I was polite and said it was a bit rude I didn't appreciate it could he please tell her hes busy and he'll get back with her later, which he got a little pissy about and said why is it an issue shes one of my friends and she just wants to talk. Now, this is the same girl that had gotten jelouse when she had found out he had gotten involved with someone and wasn't going to be her hangout buddy anymore (kinda like the obsessed jelouse friend). So he had promised to make it up to me the next sunday since she kinda ruined our little date day, and I blew it off my shoulder.

 

He was picking me up that sat morning gave me a time of 9am, but was late and didnt arrive until around 3pm due to having to take his brother to his fb game, which I was not mad nor complained I understand he has to drive his brother around sometimes. He had wanted to go horseback riding, so I took him, the ride started out fine, got a little awkward at the end but it turned out to be extremly fun he had a blast. After we went to dinner, it was nice later we had went to his house, as soon as we had arrived he had to run his dad somewhere and come back which I understand, have no problem with, I set up a movie for us and when he returned we had watched it, got a little sleepy so we layed down, that turned into a big wrestling match we had a blast (of course he wins) he cheats and tickles me lol, ended up not being tired after our epic match so we went and cuddled n watched tv, got tired and ee both passed out on a different couch in the living room,. Everything went smooth, next morning woke up, he did laugh at me for not coming to the bed to sleep apparently he woke up in the night and i was dead out, we sat and looked through his yearbook talked about how he missed highschool an the fun he had, he took his parents breakfast and after we went to the pet store i bought some crickets for my scorpion, looked at ferrets and we decided to put some thought on adopting one, we ended up picking up his friend stephen since he wanted to see the horses, the entire ride home was a blast, we all had fun even though i'm a bit shy at first, we all laughed had a blast,he took me to the barn, stayed for a few and watched the horses, he was so happy, he gave me a big hug and kiss goodbye before he had to leave to take his friend home and go to work, everything went fine.

 

Now this comes into this past week, it started getting alot harder to contact him, monday I did not hear from him until later he called me as he was getting off from work, he did tell me he was sick they wanted to send him home sooner but, he needed the hours, we talked everything was fine and happy, his phone however stated to loose service and break up, it cut off 3 or 4 times and the last time i called back I could hardly hear him, it just cut off and I did not hear from him I figured eh hes probly mad I'd be irritated at my phone to, so I went to sleep. The next day I did not hear from him at all, I sent him a few texts but no response, not until 9:40 at night when I sent hey are you mad at me or something, he finnaly responded No just really busy . I responded well I love you ;D get the response I love you too, I asked what time he gets off he responded 12, and I replied Cool, could you call me when you get off . I had gotten No response at all, and still have heard nothing from him. I had however gotten urgent news about my cancer, I'm about to go through a highly extensive surgery, last night I tried calling his work to let him know and see if he can make plans to attend the surgery, this female"friend" I had mentioned earlier answered and said he was on break, she wouldnt give the phone to him like they normally do, but she would supposubly let him know its important. I let it go and figured hes back there sleeping hes probly really tired and hie maybe left his phone somewhere, later on I tried another time seeing if I could get someone else to answer since this female friend doesnt care for me too much, a manager answered and said he left at 10. Which I kinda started feeling a bit irritated, I havent sent many texts or calls figuring his phone maybe messed up but I need to know if he's going to this surgery, as far as I know he never got the message and still isnt aware of how bad my cancers gotten. I havent tried to make contact today at all because I do not want him to think I'm obsessing.

 

Heres a bit more info about him, I have talked with his mom and sister in the past and things, he is bad with his phone about not responding or calling back, his mother and sister both said not to be worried he does it all the time, his moms went a few days without hearing from him. He does care deeply for me and if worried about my cancer hes also worried his ex (the babys mother) may cause me to turn and run, he does not want to loose me. Me and him have had conversations and things, I had asked him last weekend politely stated I wouldnt be mad, but was it the rite time for him to be in a relationship or has he found another person of interest, he reassured me he wants this relationship badly, if he somewhat got another interest he would of already left me and not string me along, he has just been highly busy about work and school, and his bills. And I asked him if he was offended or anything about me asking to tel this girl to please calm down a little with the texts and calls, he said he did and I replied thank you, also talked about how I wasnt asking for him to completely stop talking to him, I dont care if he hangs out with her they were best friends I just dont appreciate the constant stalker like calls and texts whenever she finds out I'm around. He said he understood and he loved me. He isn't a typical guy thats after nothing but sex, he is a bit different in that aspect he has the same veiws on it as me, not saying hes against it but, we agree it shouldnt be abused and a relationship shouldnt revolve around it. Talking with his family and a few friends in his past relationships he always came off as to nice to the females, and theyd end up taking him for everything hes got, or just using him. He never strung any of them along he was always straight he would be blunt and tell them it wasnt working out, if the relationship needed to end. He would not stay miserable in a relationship the only one he had stayed in like that was the relationship with his babys mother. Now in that relationship, it affected him highly, she had made him think he had a family, yet she would not allow him to see any of his friends or talk to other females, she would always accuse him of having sex with them or cheating even when he went to work, when she left him it was out of the blue, she tore his apartment up and taken everything from hsi dishes clothes to the curtains on the windows, it left him in shock and he did go though a major depression. Then we started talking romanticly, he has improved greatly his mother cant believe how happy he is now, hes turned his life around and hes motivated, hes started enjoying his friends again and started enjoying life again.

 

Now that you all know this I myself am worried to death, I cannot figure out why there has been no contact, I want to think its just because hes busy but do to a few bad relationships myself, i cant help but think theres that possibility he may just never talk to me again and end it that way, even when we were doing okay, his work just picked up and hes been stressed since he now has child support taken out of his weekly check. Do you think he will call? Or do you think he may be afraid I will flip out and be mad like his ex used to do? I'm not going to be mad or lecture him, I'm just real worried is all, I love him to death, I cared about him even when he was with his babys mother (he stayed faithful to her, I didnt try and interfere). We have both improved each others lives a great deal. I need some opinions and advice beyond my friends and family.

[justwhoiam]

I had someone near me with cancer and in the end she was in and out of hospitals. She needed someone to take care of her, she got very weak, after surgery and extensive chemotherapy.

 

Does he have this time for you? I guess he doesn't. He'd need someone to take care of him instead... not someone else to take care of. I know this might seem harsh to say, but I guess he's under a lot of stress already. A past story gone wrong, a child to take care of, working around the clock to make ends meet, a needy friend and you far away and with health issues.

 

Let him know about your upcoming surgery, see his reaction. If you're left alone on that, let him go. You'd be stressing out too much too and don't deserve that, especially right now.