Helemai Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 About a year ago I met a man online through a gaming forum. We starting chatting and flirting expecting nothing but enjoying posting to one another. Over time it moved from the forum to IMs to the phone and to the webcam and now we talk daily using teamspeak. We have met twice now...him coming to see me and just recently I was to visit him. Both times it was wonderful and natural. No awkwardness about meeting for the first time...its like we've known each other for ever. Unfortunately, we live half a world and different countries apart. It took me 15 hours to fly to see him. We want to be together, however I do have two teens that I have to consider. My daughter is going to university so she's not much of an issue, however my son is just entering high school and has another 4 years. In order to be with my new guy, I'd have to leave my son as I know my ex would refuse to allow him to come with me. Has anyone been in a LDR for 4 years and how did you cope? We can probably only meet about 2x a year due to costs and available time. There is a possibility that we could be together sooner (maybe a year or two). He agrees I should stay for my son, as family is very important to him and he doesn't want me to ruin my relationship with my son. We are both committed to the relationship, but I would love to hear some success stories out there. Each time I have to leave him it gets harder and harder. Its said good things come to those whose wait...I sure hope they are right Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 This is an interesting issue. I have seen a lot of posts from people in LDRs who seem not to be able to sustain relationships unless they are in close quarters, and who seem to easily switch to another relationship in order to have someone around in 3D. Frankly, this mystifies me. People who you can care about don't come along every day and so aren't as disposable or replaceable as paper towels IMHO. I guess if your relationship is based mostly on sex, then the lack of it might cool the fires, but if it's the individual you care about and it is in your plans to be together eventually, I don't see how someone could so easily drop this supposed love. Then again, maybe I'm a wierdo. I don't give my heart lightly and, once given, I don't take it back. Some folks need to have company/companionship/some sort of human in proximity and are maybe more easily able to change affections. There are websites devoted to strategies to maintain LDRs. Certainly there are people with spouses in jobs which cause them to be apart and they can succeed so it's not impossible. It just requires two people willing and able to work at it and remain committed. Pretty much like every other relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 LDR's are tough. I was in one for 18 yrs, now she's married to someone else. It really hurts. so much, that I can't even begin to explain my feelings. But surly, if i can maintain one for 18 yrs, you can tollerate 4. they are hard to sustain but if you're strong it'll work out. Don't give up; I live in regret every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Since your hesitancy seems to be due to the situation with your teenage son....maybe you should begin thinking of some way that a compromise could be reached with your ex. I can understand him not wanting his son to move across the world.....but teens also have a say so in what they want. It would be a great learning experience. If he didn't want to attend his high school years elsewhere, perhaps he could come to visit during Christmas break and summers. (That one would be hard for me too though....I would have a hard time leaving mine!!!) Why don't you check online on one of the legal forums and post it as a question. You may have to file it in court, but I can't see why a judge wouldn't allow y ou to live elsewhere. Your son is old enough to fly back and forth and still spend a lot of time with his own Dad. I have a pre-teen and teen and it does curb what choices I make. However, they will be gone with their own lives one day and you deserve happiness in yours. If you love this man, and it sounds like you do, he should also be a priority in your life. Waiting 4 years to be together seems mean and cruel! I really hope you can work this out!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 why don't you get him to move to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helemai Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 I have thought a lot about going and trying to come up with a compromise with my son. My one fear is that he will think that I chose this new man over him. I do love my guy and I don't want to keep him waiting. But as I said before, he also told me I should put my son first. I know my son will be gone soon, off to university and his own life and I don't want to miss out on a wonderful relationship because I waited. But it just brings me back to possibly hurting my son. I have checked with my lawyer about custody and she said it wouldn't be good for me. The court would not rule in my favour most likely. So I sit between a rock and a hard place, worrying about what to do, while trying to find the perfect solution...which I know does not exist. As for my guy moving here. We talked about that as well and the issue there is that he would not find a job in my small town so we would have to move to the city, which means new jobs for both of us which would be risky in our current economy. In addition, I'd still have to worry about moving away from my son. Thanks for all your comments. I like hearing others thoughts and opinions...maybe someone has a solution I haven't thought of yet Link to post Share on other sites
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