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prettygirly

my long distance boyfriend told me he is tired of having phone and cam sex with me. not only that, but he doesnt like seeing me on cam anymore, either. should i be hurt by this and is there a hidden meaning to this, like he is no longer attracted to me??

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It's his eloquent way of saying he wants you to have real sex with him, catch a plane :cool:

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Dyer could be right...if indeed this guy still wants to persue the relationship with you.

 

The DRAW BACK to a LDR including phone and cam sex is that you can easily be replaced IF the relationship didn't have a firm foundation before this type of interaction started.

 

The only way to know which way this relationship will go will depend on his response as time goes by.

 

Are you guys still emailing or talking on the phone or anything ELSE which you were doing besides the sexual aspect of your relationship online????

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prettygirly

yes, we have a strong relationship as far as emotionally and mentally. we used to see each other about 4 days a month (he lives in california, i live in florida) and had cam sex at least 3 times a week in the beginning of our relationship. but now he is going to school to get 2 more licenses for his job and i just got a new job and not yet able to take time off. so i havent seen him in about 2 months. during the past 2 months, we have only done it once. i feel pretty pathetic putting emphasis on phone and cam sex, but its a long distance relationship and its all he and i can have. i will not sleep with anybody else just for the sexual satisfaction and i know he wont either. we have been together 16 months. is it just old at this point?? we are planning on moving in together by the end of this year. but i am scared that maybe his feelings, sexual feelings, are not as strong. it is important to me that attraction and lust will always be a part of a relationship, it keeps it exciting, i believe. for me, i love seeing him, his face, his smile. even if its on a computer screen. of course nothing beats being together in person, but when we are apart, i will take seeing him on cam over not seeing him at all. i am just a little hurt that he would rather not see me or have any form of intimacy, no matter how little, at all when we are not together. what could it be that he no longer wants to partake in this??

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average guy

I must really be old-fashioned, but I didn't know that people in an intimate relationship actually had phone/cam sex as you mentioned. Have you ever tried alternatoive ways of expressing your love? I used to love writing, and cherish receiving love letters ... and once I even painted a small painting for my love to put by her bedside table.

 

Anyway, it's just a thought that maybe you are just "in a rut" with this instantly gratfiying tecnical phone/cam sex stuff, and need to have a little old-fashioned anticpation and paitence (the best parts of a new realationship) by sending and receing old-fashioned letters (maybe even with a few erotic illsutarions :)

 

Hopes this helps... (and did I mention the words "old-fashioned" enough? :)

 

A.G.

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prettygirly

first of all, average guy, you seem like such a sweetheart. i am a hopeless romantic (might be hard to believe after all this phone/cam sex talk) but i really do love making love. i cherish the moments when we can do that. but obviously when we arent together physically, thats impossible to do. the phone/ cam sex thing is just to hold us over till we can have the real thing. of course when in a long distance relationship, youre left to masturbate a lot, and to me theres nothing better to masturbate to than my boyfriend. we do send each other cards for no reason at all besides the few holidays we cant be together. we have journals in which we write to each other almost on a daily basis, and give to each other right before we have to part once again. we talk for at least 2 hours on weekdays and more on weekends. there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me, i am just a little insecure that maybe hes not as attracted to me as he once used to be. i know that when youve been in a relationship after a while, those lustful feelings tend to fade. i am just scared that one day its going to get to that point that the sight of me naked wont turn him on anymore. id like to ask everyone, how important is lust to you guys in a relationship? how many people have lost attraction towards their partners over time (not because of weight gain, hair change, etc. but just because the feelings faded), and how did it affect the relationship? can you be in an awesome relationship without being attracted to your partner?

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If he isn't breaking off the relationship, only the cyber portion of it, maybe he is finding it to me too physically frustrating. It really isn't the SAME AS.......

 

Why don't you spend some time together with cams on doing different things. You can visit other sites, watch the same movie at the same time, play some games, etc.

 

If you've been talking about moving in together, maybe wants to get to know how it feels hanging out with you without it being all about sex. Cyber sex CAN feel sleazy and cheap. Perhaps he cares enough about you not to want to engage in it anymore.

 

If I were you, I would ASK him and offer some alternative ways you can spend time together online.

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average guy

Thanks prettygirly, I am a hopeless romantic as well :)

 

Yes, the “lust” part of a relationship does diminish over time (I’ve heard 18 months on average) but you replace it with other things – friendship, intimacy, support, etc. that are just as important in a long-term relationship. I suggest you start exploring those now while you are forced to find other areas of your relationship beside sex. One crazy idea I just had would be for you to write a book together where you write one chapter and send it to him to write the next chapter, and then back to you, and so on. Or help each other with work/school. I also like the idea Arabess had of watching a movie and chatting at the same time, or maybe even go to a crowded chat room and simulate going to a party together…who knows what’s possible these days with computers :)

 

Best of luck,

 

Cheers

 

A.G.

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