Long Distance Friendship turned Long Distance Relationship! Read more...

[Confused_Chiquita]

So I've been online friends with this guy since early 2009. He is 27, tall, good looking, fit and he has a very nice personality. I am 24, educated and above average (look-wise). We talk everyday, chat everyday and see each other on Skype everyday. We live 10,000 miles away. He lives in California USA while I live in South East Asia. This might come across as weird but even though we never met each other in person yet, we both feel how much we care for each other. When either of us is having a rough day, both are affected. When he cries, I cry, when he laughs, I laugh. If he is happy, I am happy, If I am sad, he is sad.

 

We started calling each other "Love" after 9 months of talking but that's just for an endearment, no malice. He's had a girlfriend and I've had a boyfriend in the middle of our friendship but we were both okay with that. We never stopped talking and chatting and sometimes calling thru our phone even if it did cost us a lot. He always cared to give me advices about my relationship with my boyfriend and I did my best to comfort him those times that he was dealing with his crappy girlfriend.

 

Fast forward to June 2010, I broke up with my boyfriend because our relationship seemed to not going anywhere. We fought about complicated issues and we both had to move on. I was broken hearted at the time and only my online friend was there to ease the pain. He was hurt too when I was hurting. I felt it. He's been really nice to me. He even sent me stuff and packages from the US.

 

In November 2010, his relationship with his girlfriend ended and for some reason, I felt like I went through another break up again, I was deeply saddened about it. I want him to be happy and I can't really stand seeing him down. We both endured the pain... but after a few months, he went back to life again, and so did I. We started smiling again, making each other happy again and everything seems to be really doing so great. Neither of us has had a relationship after that. And we're sure about that because we're so open to each other.

 

In August 2011, 9 months after his bad break up... we were chatting when we just joked about us being girlfriend-boyfriend and we talked about what could have had been if we had a relationship etc etc. I could hardly remember who started or who brought that topic up but whoever it was, it's all good. Everything just changed, and we became more attached, more passionate and more protective for each other even if we're not physically together. Then in November 2011, we decide to be ON. We became facebook official and we started being more and more deeply attached and connected.

 

I work night shift whilst he works day shift, so the 12 hour difference has never been a problem to us. We text when we wake up, we text when we are out with friends and we call each other every night to say goodnight. I know our relationship has been quite EXPENSIVE. We chat thru Skype, (cam is open for 24 hours), we watch each other cooking, cleaning, gardening, sleeping, waking up, taking a bath, shower, getting dressed, everything! We eat, we drink, we dance, we sing together in front of each other cameras (we're weird like that). We iMessage, we e-mail each other everyday and we send each other presents in special occasions such as Birthdays, Christmas, etc. So it's never like we're really apart. We both feel like we are together no matter what. And we hardly ever fought. Well there were a few moments where we argued about how I forgot to message him as soon as I get home from work, how I forgot to text or how I was so stubborn for not bringing umbrella that I got wet by the rain so I got sick, just silly stuff like that, nothing really biggie.

 

Here's the thing though, just yesterday he was very excited when he told me that we will finally see each other next month FOR REALS! By the way, he's in the military (USMC) I forgot to mention earlier. And they will have a physical training in the US camp base here in my country. For a while I was also excited but now it finally sank in my mind, I feel confused. I dunno why but I feel like I want to back off. Like I want to do something bad so that he won't try to visit me when he is in the country. Last night I was hesitant to answer his call. And today before he went to work, I made up an excuse and told him I couldn't open my camera for the whole day (first time in over a year of our relationship) because I don't want him to catch me sitting, thinking deeply, looking confused. He has made so many plans already for when he arrives. And I feel guilty about it. Can someone tell me what it is that I am feeling right now? Any input will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

[justwhoiam]

Is it because you're afraid something will go wrong if you meet him in person? I guess most people in a LDR have felt like that before meeting each other. After all, you're not taking any risk as long as things go on like they've always been so far. But if you meet him, you're going to take that risk. That things might feel awkward between the two of you, or he might not really like you... I guess it's human. Think about if you're wanting to back off for that reason.

 

You're going through a mix of emotions and it's quite normal you're hesitant. Don't do it behind his back though. I don't think he deserves that. Be honest with him and just tell him you feel weird since when he told you.

[Confused_Chiquita]

Yes, what if I'm just going to disappoint him? What if he won't find me attractive at all in person although he's complimented me a lot while talking on cam. What if after the meet up, he'll just realize that all that we shared online was a mistake? Though we've seen each other's everything already, I feel unsure now that our meeting is already set up and planned. I'm the most confused, me thinks. And I hate it.

[liverpool fc]

you may feel you have just lost interest all of a sudden, maybe you cant see where you could possibly be in a few years the way it is still going. what you could do is talk about it with him in person when you do see him and just be honest ask him what he truly thinks of you. its not good to put yourself down just be confident about who YOU are!

[justwhoiam]

No one has the answers.

 

Do you think that if you're not going to see him for 4/6 months or more, you won't think "Gosh, he might not like me"? You probably will all the same. Even if it's not the first time.

 

Try not to think about it. Stay positive. For any chance he won't like you, there's always a chance he will.

[umirano]

Yes, what if I'm just going to disappoint him? What if he won't find me attractive at all in person although he's complimented me a lot while talking on cam. What if after the meet up, he'll just realize that all that we shared online was a mistake? Though we've seen each other's everything already,

 

I doubt that your fears have any base. Be a bit positive. You lived in each others lives practically. And you know each other really well, given the contact you have (also visual!). So... I don't really see your point. You being critical is good. But give him - and yourself, most of all - a chance to let this relationship devirtualize. You might enjoy it. And frankly, the way you describe him, makes him sound like a very decent person. I don't think that he will be rude or overly picky when you meet physically. I don't think he likes you just for your looks, because if he were such a physical person your relationship wouldn't have worked up until now. I think he likes your personality too and thus you fearing the physical meeting does not make sense to me.

 

I too met my GF online, and we only met quite a long time after this for the first time, and I was very excited It's fun, you should do just because it is really interesting. You will also gain a lot of confidence in your judgment, if he turns out to be who you expect. And if not, you at least don't have to worry anymore. In any case you will gain information, and that's always good.

 

Have fun!