Am I overreacting?

[melissa90]

My long distance boyfriend and I recently got back together after a 4-month breakup. We've been together two years and have been long distance for one year this month. During our breakup, I was the one to visit him more, though he did help financially.

 

What complicates things even more now is that he's on a long business trip. When getting back together, we both agreed that we wouldn't be able to see each other as frequently as we used to (about every two weeks--I know, we were spoiled) but this coming weekend he has a layover in my town on the way home on Thursday. I asked if he would consider skipping the plane home and he said he would love to, but he would like to check on his apartment (it's been empty for a month) and pick up reimbursement checks for travel (it's quite a large sum of money and he may or may not need them to make it through until he goes home again).

 

He then looked into renting a car and driving back to me to catch his flight back to work on Sunday morning. It's going to be relatively expensive ($100), but he said he would have paid more for me to take a standby flight to visit him this weekend had we known that he would have had some time off for labor day.

 

My question is: it doesn't seem to be the financials and it has only been a week today since we've seen each other--am I justified in being upset that he won't rent a car and drive back to see me? My guy friends say if a guy wants to see you, he will do anything to make it happen and I tend to agree. But we did agree that we probably wouldn't see each other every two weeks or at least until his business trip ends at the end of September. It just seems like too easy of an opportunity to pass up and I know that I personally would skip the plane, have a friend check on my apartment, ask my company to mail the checks elsewhere, etc to make it work. Any suggestions appreciated!

[PepperPotts]

Yes. You're overreacting.

 

You just got back together, so you're still (understandably) a little emotionally raw. You say you both know you can't see each other as often, and that it's only been a week. It would be different if it had been a month.

 

I understand, and I would do anything to see my boyfriend. But I also know that I considered changing a flight so I could stay longer during my last visit, and it was going to cost more than I could really afford. I had to be responsible and go home, even though we both ended up with an extra day off.

 

If you're going to make this work, you have to stay kind of logical. Yes, $100 seems worth it, but he has to go home and pick up his paycheck and he can't spend $100 every time it seems like a good idea. And while $100 might absolutely be worth it, you're restarting your relationship with the understanding that you can't see each other as often. Dropping an extra $100 and changing plans now after one week sets a really bad precedent if you two really intend to stick to that plan.

 

Cherish the time you have together and come up with a travel plan so there's less wondering. You *just* saw him-- a great compromise would have been for you to meet him at the airport and get lunch together. Take what you can get, but let him (and you!) do what you need to to live your everyday lives.

[justwhoiam]

When you have a big disconnect, and then you decide to get back together, things might not be as they were before the disconnect. It's something you need to consider. Or it might take a while for it to be back to what it was.

 

If you want it to work this time, see what you can accept and what you can't. Don't lie to yourself just *to be with him*. You need to be comfortable in a relationship for it to work in the long run. It didn't work in the past and probably for a reason.