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long distance. is it.worth.it?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

 
 
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Old 2nd July 2012, 6:35 PM   #1
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long distance. is it.worth.it?

I already posted about my gf of 2 years leaving me. Ive been told by people on here, her friends, and anyone else that she was stupid for leaving me. Now that she has she still thinks we could get back together later on. Well now I'm trying to get her off my mind. Well ive found this girl and we've started to get close. Her best friend and I get along real well and we talk a lot. One night this girl told me she likes me. Obviously I told her I liked her as well. Then I was talking to her best friend about it and apparently shes liked me for lil over a month now. The problem being, she lives about an hour away from me. And I cant just get up and go whenever to see her either. My problem is because I cant see her that often should I date her? My last gf lived 30 min away but we had a town between us that was like 10-15 min for both of us. Now with this new girl there's no towns in between. I don't want to nit be able to make her happy because I cant see her very much. But I also really like her. I don't know what I should do. Ive been told by friends the usual hit it and quit it, but also just give it a shot and see what happens. Id like to try it but I don't want to end up hurting her because of not being able to see her and be with her. Any ideas??
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Old 2nd July 2012, 6:52 PM   #2
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She knows the circumstances as well as you do, so you are both taking the same risk. If it doesn't work because of the distance and she feels hurt by that, that's for her to resolve. Any time we enter into a relationship there's the chance it won't work as well as we hoped for (but also that it turns out to be much better than we dared to dream).

Much as I like your politeness in framing this as being about not wanting to hurt her, I believe you (just the same as everyone else) are concerned about your own feelings and being hurt by this. And that's a good thing: we have to be able to care for ourselves before we can care for others. So, rather than reading what you said as you are "scared of hurting her feelings" I have read it as you are "concerned about disappointed or upset" yourself.

Such doubts are only human. I can't tell you what will work best for you: it's your life and only you can know what's the best course to take at any one time. I'd recommend you pay attention to your feelings as things progress and take a little time to weigh things up as you go along. You may find you don't get enough from the relationship to put up with the distance, or you may find yourself ready to move town to be with her, or you may even enjoy the status quo of being an hour apart.

One thing that can increase your chances of getting satisfaction out of an LDR (and any relationship for that matter) is having other interests, passions, or hobbies with which to fill you time. Other than that suggestion, and to remind you that every decision is 50% chance so don't sweat it too much whatever you decide, the rest is up to you.

Good luck and take care.
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Old 2nd July 2012, 6:52 PM   #3
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Skype, telephone, text, email, snail mail.

One hour away is not an unsurmountable distance. My SO and I are not even on the same continent.

Having said that, since you mention your ex and that you're trying to, "get my mind off her," I suggest that you don't get into a romantic situation with this new girl until you're more emotionally available. Please do not use another person to self-medicate. Never mind the physical distance, get your heart and mind clear first.
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