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What are signs of a guy losing interest in LDR?


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So basically I'm really worried he's losing interest in me. We talk for 5 months now, and he changed in a last month. He still replays to me but he goes off and online quite often. We don't talk for that long anymore and he doesn't compliment me or say anything what he used to say anymore. Few days ago he asked me to Skype with him and he said he really missed me. On Skype he was complimenting me all the time and was showing lots of interest, but he went back to what he used to be after a day. I said to him that I feel like he doesn't want to talk to anymore but he said that he does he's just really tired (There is 6 hours difference) So if I have given him a chance to tell me that he doesn't want anything to do with me would he take it or would he still lie? Is it that he's just getting comfortable with me and just doesn't feel the need of doing all the stuff he did? If he would lose interest would he even still bother replaying to me? And also, should I tell him how much he means to me and that I feel like I'm bothering him all the time?

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Time differences can be extremely difficult to deal with. If he is on the East of you, that means it will be close to midnight when you return from school / work. Talking for a great length of time is extremely demanding under such circumstances.

 

If he is on the West of you (it is six hours earlier for him than it is for you), things definitely would not look good. Because it would be still early in the day when he would be communicating with you, and then he really does not appear to be too interested.

 

That being said, the danger of online romances is that one forms an ideal image of a person in one's head, rather than a more realistic image - you don't have real life interactions to go by, and online chatting is a highly artificial way of communicating. Until you meet, you are nothing more than a "fantasy" to each other. That is why it is so important to meet up as soon as you can - preferably within 2 months.

 

It seems he is limiting his emotional investment in this relationship. How is his communication with you otherwise? Emails, phone calls and the such? Non-existent or still reasonably high?

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He is on the east of me, and I'm usually online in the afternoon, so it's really late at night where he is. But that wasn't that much of a problem before.

We don't use phones because we live in different countries. We use Skype and facebook. He isn't online as much any more, although when he is he's always replaying to me. He often goes off and online without saying anything. When we talk he is still nice to me, but just different from what he used to be.

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Depending on how busy he is in real life (work, school, family commitments), he would find the time for you, if he was really into you. Unless of course final examinations are coming up, but then he would not be online that much to begin with. And he would send you thoughtful emails. They don't have to be lengthy, but he would make it clear he is actually making an effort, and letting you know that you are important to him. At the moment, I don't get the impression he does that.

 

"Being nice" is just not good enough, if you want to turn this into a real relationship. A lot of people can be nice, it is not a quality that makes him stand out.

 

It seems fair to say that he is losing interest, while you are still having high interest, and possibly think of him in idealized terms. I hate to say it, but I think you are better off ending things.

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He's really confusing me how he is acting different when we webcam and different when we chat. Sometimes when we chat he still sends me little little hints he might like me. Should I maybe talk to him about it? Tell him what he means to me? I really want to, just to know what I'm standing on but I don't want to seem desperate or needy at the same time

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It really seems your and his expectations and feelings do not match at the moment. That is very difficult to negotiate.

 

He might be more into you when you use the webcam, but that may also be the nature of the "conversation" you are having then. If he struggles to express himself in words, that suggests that the two of you may have some serious compatibility issues (whether that is communicative skills or lack of shared interests).

 

From what you describe, I think you'd be better off by simply ending things. But you can only have that conversation if you are convinced you can stick to your position, and at the moment it does not seem like you are ready to give up.

 

Rather than stating your own feelings and expectations, ask him about his. If he does not come across as strongly wanting to make things happen, you are better off going your separate ways. Once you know what you mean to him (are you more than a distraction?), it may be easier to take things forward or end this relationship completely.

The danger is, that if you state first what he means to you, that he feels forced to reciprocate, when he is not really on the same page as you are. Which probably would make for a rather miserable LDR, especially if neither of you is in a position to move on short notice.

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That being said' date=' the danger of online romances is that one forms an ideal image of a person in one's head, rather than a more realistic image - you don't have real life interactions to go by, and online chatting is a highly artificial way of communicating. Until you meet, you are nothing more than a "fantasy" to each other. That is why it is so important to meet up as soon as you can - preferably within 2 months.[/quote']

 

This. Quoted for truth.

 

Also, you said about 5 months, right? He's probably just now getting down from the "honeymoon high". The first few months is always pink and butterflies but once real life kicks in and you start weighing in how realistic the courtship is as a "relationship" it starts turning colors to different things.

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So basically I'm really worried he's losing interest in me. We talk for 5 months now, and he changed in a last month. He still replays to me but he goes off and online quite often. We don't talk for that long anymore and he doesn't compliment me or say anything what he used to say anymore. Few days ago he asked me to Skype with him and he said he really missed me. On Skype he was complimenting me all the time and was showing lots of interest, but he went back to what he used to be after a day. I said to him that I feel like he doesn't want to talk to anymore but he said that he does he's just really tired (There is 6 hours difference) So if I have given him a chance to tell me that he doesn't want anything to do with me would he take it or would he still lie? Is it that he's just getting comfortable with me and just doesn't feel the need of doing all the stuff he did? If he would lose interest would he even still bother replaying to me? And also, should I tell him how much he means to me and that I feel like I'm bothering him all the time?

 

Why don't you put the shoe on the other foot for a change and maybe it'll get better. This guy shouldn't have to keep complimenting you all the time to validate the relationship. That gets tired in a hurry.

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