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2nd2therite

I'm no novice to relationships, have been married and spouse was killed in accident and I've longed to find someone to love for so long and had all but, given up when I met someone through a friend who lintroduced us to each other over the phone. After many phone conversations, texts and IM's, I realized my friend was right, we are totally compatible, what some call soulmates, something I've hoped to find my entire life and my friend wasn't surprised by this, telling me she'd always known we'd be perfect together.

 

While this has been entirely long distance (few hundred miles) and we've only begun the relationship a few months ago; we have everything in common and our goals and desires are the same. All was well until I announced that I was making a trip to visit next week after much begging and prodding from my 'soulmate' to make the journey to meet in person.

 

After that announcement, which was two days ago, I have heard nothing, no phone call, no text, no IM, nothing and I receive no reply when I send texts and phone calls go to voicemail. I'm not stupid, I'm absolutely being ignored. Problem is, I haven't a clue as to why.

 

Has anyone else experienced this sudden change in behavior with someone who's been begging to meet their ldr or maybe have an opinion as to why I've been suddenly shut out? I should add that I am not going to continue trying to make contact as I feel it would be a useless endeavor.

 

I feel like such a fool.:confused:

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Ugh, that sucks. Don't feel like a fool, though. **** happens.

 

Maybe he was a little put-off by you "announcing" that you're coming to visit, instead of trying to make plans with him and asking when would be a good time for him. Maybe it freaked him out a little. It's easy to fantasize about what-ifs (like you visiting him) but when it becomes a reality sometimes it's hard to embrace it, you know?

 

But really, if that bothered him, it would have been such an easy thing to clear up if he had just said, "Sorry, this weekend won't work for me, but let me check my schedule and we can work something out." Or even, "Wow, this caught me a little off guard. Give me a little bit of time to let it sink in."

 

How did he react when you told him?

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2nd2therite

CC12, thanks. He told me I could come whenever I wanted, an open invitation and that he couldn't wait for us to meet. His schedule is wide open since he owns his own business; not wanting to impose, I'd inquired about this extensively regarding what would be convenient for him so, maybe 'announcement' wasn't the right word for me to use in my post. 'Notification' might have been a better word.

 

I should add that I could easily relocate to his area since finding employment in my field is easy for me. This is what he said he wanted, for us to meet and establish a relationship and ultimately a life together.

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CC12, thanks. He told me I could come whenever I wanted, an open invitation and that he couldn't wait for us to meet. His schedule is wide open since he owns his own business; not wanting to impose, I'd inquired about this extensively regarding what would be convenient for him so, maybe 'announcement' wasn't the right word for me to use in my post. 'Notification' might have been a better word.

 

Ah, okay. Thanks for clarifying.

 

But yeah, that was my only guess as to what happened. Unless he calls you pretty soon with an explanation, you'll also be left with nothing but guesses. And really, how productive is it to spend a lot of time speculating? Not productive at all. Maybe this thread can serve as a bit of closure for you so you can move on to someone else.

 

Sorry that happened to you.

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2nd2therite

I won't be actively seeking any relationship in the near future...heart has had enough grief in recent years. Maybe being single isn't so bad.

 

I really appreciate your replying to my post, thank you.

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Since a mutual friend introduced you, can you get any incite from that person?

 

I'm sorry this happened and you shouldn't feel like a fool. I think he just got scared, not an excuse but that may be what happened. I'm assuming since your friend knows him he's not married or otherwise attached.

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2nd2therite
Since a mutual friend introduced you, can you get any incite from that person?

 

That's an idea but, I learned years ago that while people may often want to introduce a friend to a friend, they're sometimes reluctant to do so because if a relationship does develope and then sours, the person who was responsible for the initial intro often feels guilty or complicit in causing their friend misery. I'll keep this to myself unless my friend asks and then I'll simply say it didn't work out but, I'm sure my lip will be bloody after biting it so hard.

 

To be honest I have to say this has diminished my opinion of this person who I thought was considerate of others feelings so, beware forming opinions of anyone you haven't actually met in person.

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2nd2therite

aisle_seat,

 

That's an idea but, I learned years ago that while people may often want to introduce a friend to a friend, they're sometimes reluctant to do so because if a relationship does develope and then sours, the person who was responsible for the initial intro often feels guilty or complicit in causing their friend misery. I'll keep this to myself unless my friend asks and then I'll simply say it didn't work out but, I'm sure my lip will be bloody after biting it so hard.

 

To be honest I have to say this has diminished my opinion of this person who I thought was considerate of others feelings so, beware forming opinions of anyone you haven't actually met in person.

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HeavenOrHell

So sorry this happened, you're right to beware of not being sure of anything until you've actually met a person face to face, something I've always been wary of, and always will be.

I hope you will find someone in time who truly makes you happy, sounds like you've had a rough past :(

 

 

Since a mutual friend introduced you, can you get any incite from that person?

 

That's an idea but, I learned years ago that while people may often want to introduce a friend to a friend, they're sometimes reluctant to do so because if a relationship does develope and then sours, the person who was responsible for the initial intro often feels guilty or complicit in causing their friend misery. I'll keep this to myself unless my friend asks and then I'll simply say it didn't work out but, I'm sure my lip will be bloody after biting it so hard.

 

To be honest I have to say this has diminished my opinion of this person who I thought was considerate of others feelings so, beware forming opinions of anyone you haven't actually met in person.

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2nd2therite

Heaven or Hell, your quote is the absolute truth. If I should learn anything about this mystery, I'll update with a post, maybe it'll help others who've had this happens to them; I'm sure I'm not the only one.

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HeavenOrHell

I know it's hard but try not to feel foolish, you've done nothing wrong, if there was a problem and he said nothing then he's the fool.

 

I think LDR's can be a fantasy thing for some people, not saying that is the case with him, but some people want out when it becomes reality, or the distance is too much and it can all seem too difficult and suddenly serious.

 

Could also be he's nervous that you wouldn't click as well face to face, which does happen, maybe he's trying to avoid the disappointment? How enthusiastic was he about meeting, until you actually said you were going to visit?

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I think LDR's can be a fantasy thing for some people... some people want out when it becomes reality, or the distance is too much and it can all seem too difficult and suddenly serious.

This is so true. I just wish there was a way to find out if someone feels that way without having to waste time with them. Frustrating!

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HeavenOrHell

I think if someone is really keen to meet up after you've been talking frequently/daily, and makes plans to actually do it (ie buys travel tickets) then it's hopeful, I wouldn't leave too many months before meeting for the first time though.

 

 

This is so true. I just wish there was a way to find out if someone feels that way without having to waste time with them. Frustrating!
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2nd2therite

He did express concern several times that I'd be disappointed with him, I figured it was just normal since I had the same fear, (doesn't everyone?) He's the one who pressed for a meeting though, I didn't want to appear to be rushing him.

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