Long distance relationship. She says she has fallen out of love with me. Help!

[RiversCuomo]

Hi, everyone. I've been lurking for some time and I'd love to hear some suggestions on my current situation. I am finishing my last semester at college while my girlfriend(who graduated last year) lives 1000 miles away on the coast. We see each other about once a month. She has been there for 6 months(we've been together for 14 months). Things went very well at first, for a long distance relationship anyways, but over the last few months we've really fizzled out. She says she thinks she has fallen out of love with me. The source of our conflict is quite apparent in hindsight. When she moved out there, she knew no one and was very dependent on me emotionally, calling several times a day. As she has gotten adjusted, she is less dependent. I, until very recently, misinterpreted this as reduced feelings for me. This spawned feelings of paranoia and fear within me. As she became less needy, I became more needy. My subsequent hostility and paranoia pushes her further away, completing a never ending cycle that has ruined our relationship as we once knew it. We have tried to spend this last month on break but neither one of us can go very long without talking to each other. She says she wants to see other people. I do not. Our current plan is to spend New Year's together and then to take a one month break during which we can each see other people. Her feelings have really see-sawed as of late and I do believe she is generally confused, but I am quite frightened by the prospect of her seeing someone else. She also says that if I were physically there we wouldn't have a real problem. Every time I try to make changes to appease her it seems to push her away further. The only success I've had is when I've lost control and talked as if the relationship were actually over.

 

Therefore, I've come to believe that reverse psychology is my best bet. Since she is feeling that I am overly dependent, I think if I just go along with the one month break and agree with her than she will miss me too much and come back at the end of the break. This, however, is a tremendous gamble, but I fail to see any other options. I've told her precisely how I feel. And we are in heaven we are actually physically together, but the strain of non-stop fighting has soured the big picture of our relationship. Since we spend more time apart then together, she generally remembers the times when are fighting more.

 

So here are my concerns:

 

1) Should I attempt reverse Psychology and act as if I really want to take a break and see other people in the hopes of her coming back after the break? I don't see any other viable options.

 

2) By agreeing to see other people, I am deathly afraid that the initial excitement of being single again will drown out any hope of a reunion after our months apart. I believe she may know someone she wishes to date. Is all hope lost already? Thoughts?

 

3) I truly believe we are soulmates and that the love is there, it just has faded under the strains of a long distance relationship. She has not cheated on me(this is important because she has cheated in every other relationship). And I know what you are thinking, how naive can you be? But I've had a PI on her tail to make sure that she has remained faithful(which still gives me hope). So I basically have two days to give her the best possible impression to remember in the month we will spend on break. I'd love some suggestions on how to make a deep, romantic, impression before our break.

 

4) Since she says we would be okay if we were physically together, how can I persuade her to stick out 6 more months of a long distance relationship(We have[had?] plans for me to move out there after graduation). I need some way to make her understand that it is a short term sacrifice for a long term gain(granted it's a tough sacrifice at 22).

 

I'd deeply appreciate any advice anyone could offer. Thanks

[lowkeychic]

im sorry about ur situation.. im in an LDR too.. he is very far too atleast an 8 hr flight away..man its hard.. challenging

so here's my take... if she's being flakey with u to the point u have to suggest breaking up, give her that break..if she's really worth ur time she'll realize that loved ones shouldnt be taken for granted.. n if ur great together in person, 6 months isnt a long wait at all.. i wish 6 months is all i had to wait to permanently be with my bf.

just my opinion.. hope things work out for the best..