Is there a chance that I could convince him back? :(

[amame]

I live in Dubai, UAE. I have met my bf on Feb 2011. He is Canadian and came to Middle East for 6 months traveling and spent last 2 months in Dubai with his uncle and aunt who live here. I met him during the last week of Feb through friends and we kicked it out immediately. We spent the whole week together and then he had to leave as per schedule and visa due. We had great chemistry and very much attracted to each other. He promised to keep in touch and would come back after 6 months to find a job here and live with me.

 

When he went back to Canada, we stay in touch. We skyped 2-3 times a weeks and we had a brief chat on daily basis. Slowly we fall madly in love and agreed to be in the relationship. His family knows me and mine knows him. We planned his return in October 2011 and will spend 3 months looking for job and if he could not get a job then we would work on making me move there instead. We had a lot of plan about things to do during 3 months that he will be here. Tickets were bought, hotels were booked.

 

He does not have a university degree. As soon as he returned to Canada back in March, he has got a job in the computer store as a sales person. He was very happy with the job as he said it was a first times he has to wear nice clothes to work and not has to do labor work. Times to times he would like to leave due to the money but I encourage him to stay as to collect experience.

 

Things seem to be very promising. Then in beginning of August, I got a new job offer and I was stressed out about how things are gonna work out. And slowly he came online less and less. I complained that he spent lots of time with his friends and cancelling our skype date. He said it is hard with him trying to cope with the work and his social life. And he was too tired to come online. My intuition told me something was not right.

 

In the last week of August, after 6 months of me waiting patiently, he broke up with me. He told me that when the dead line approached, he realized that this is not gonna work. All his friends questioned him about leaving his country to see a girl he only met for a week. He afraid he would never find a job in UAE cos he did not have a degree and now his current job is picking up very well and it would be a step backward if he left. He afraid he will had to go back to do the labor work again. 6 months on the road left him broke and he was not ready to travel now. And he could not ask me to wait any longer. He is still faithful to me, but he doesn’t know until how long. He apologized for leading me on. He really thought this would work out and that he would be that man who could wait for me but he is selfish and he changed without me. In the end he said that he really love me and he wish thing could have happen differently.

 

After that day, we did not talk. He sent me two msg telling me how sorry he is and hoping I would be alright. I sent back to him that I forgave him for everything. But in fact, I am so not alright. It has been 2 weeks and I don’t get any sleep at all. I lose 6 kg and I lose my soul. Everything he said during the break up was true and I cannot hate him for that.

 

I don’t know what to do. I have spoken to lots of people here and I am sure that university degree is not a must have in this country. Somebody must have told him the otherwise when he was here. I believe he could do something bigger than selling a computer and it hurts me knowing that I believe in him more than he believes in himself. Should I write him an email and explain to him about the job situation here in UAE? I could not tell him any of these before cos during the last month he hardly spoke and I was busy crying when we broke up.

 

We broke up on the 31st August. Do you think this is a good time now to talk to him? Or should I wait longer? I know I should just let him go and move on but I just cannot...

Edited September 14, 2011 by amame

[creighton0123]

There are a number of things: You both had moved VERY quickly. You met in Feb 2011 and you're thinking about him moving to EAU in September 2011? That is very, very quick.

 

Second, and I'm not sure whether or not this is a problem for him: There's something about the Middle East, even a place as 'liberal' as the EAU, that can make westerners very intimidated. Whether it's the restrictions on alcohol consumption, the outspoken social attitude against PDA, or the complete culture shock of moving from a primarily agnostic/secular country to a country deeply steeped in religious tradition can be extremely unsettling.

 

The two of you broke up only two weeks ago. Having only dated for six months, 5 and 3/4 of which were long distance, you should really move on. Too much potential change too quickly drove him away at a time in his life when he was starting to really settle into his own groove.

 

I know it hurts. It sucks. It really does. When you meet someone that you fit well with, things will always be much, much easier.

[luvflower]

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup and how it transpired. Please try not to get too down or depressed.

 

Have you spoken to him at all recently, via skype or text?

 

You will get better in time. This happens more often than you think in LDRs. Someone decides they can't or don't want to do the work or deal with the love pains of missing someone you sometimes can't even speak to the day you'd like to.

 

But perhaps send a short email , but try not to get too heavy. Feel him out to see if he hsd any concern for making things work. If not you must move on. Some other guy will appear before you know it.

 

Best wishes!

[amame]

No, we did not talk. On the day we broke up, I asked him if we can talk one more times and he said yes, but after that he never come online and I did not want to annoy him more by the call. But one day I posted on my facebook about hesitating buying a new computer between Dell and Toshiba, he then send me a msg with the link to the website that shown Toshiba did not make good product lately and said he cheered for Acer or Lenovo.

 

He is still very caring and super sweet. I don't want to push and lose him as a friend but I don't want to be just friend too...