madjac74 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 First off I think our current status is single and she even said once a few weeks ago that "I'm free to do what I want". On that note, we continue to have amazing communication and we even took our kids to see the smurfs "together separately" as she put it. It was fun yet frustrating. She was in my back pocket all weekend and although it isn't being "together"....we were. We even slipped back into the cute name calling and flirting and discussing future plans. But...Monday was my deadline to decide whether I would keep my new position at work (Which has no bearing on why we cant be together) and she started questioning me during my lunch hour about moving out there like she didn't know why I couldn't anytime soon. Realizing my lunch hour is when she is nearing bedtime and she gets short and slightly mean, I sent a few simple responses and went back to work. I worked late that night and the kids were starting school the next morning and I was slightly irritated with her so I didn't contact her all day. Very rare. My next day was just as busy but I knowingly did not contact her again. Nothing from her either. I started to think maybe she didn't care but I knew that wasn't likely even though she acts that way a lot. I started to think maybe I should just continue the no contact to put an end to our obvious frustration of not being together. It's torture but like anything in life you endure the pain and you move on. I'm pretty romantic and loving compared to the typical male stereotype but I also have a bit of an edge from past hurt where I really could give two ****s about 99.9% of people. This girl is different. I think I literally need her. She makes me a better person and I am striving to be a successful writer/artist because she motivates me. She is that catch that is the one but maybe I can't ever have...like "Moby Dick" or "The old man and the sea"! Neither of them got their great fish and it killed them. Ok that was slightly corny Anyway thanks for listening. I just needed to vent and hope someone out there can grant me a wish Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Aw Is there zero chance of either of you ever being able to close the distance, even if it takes 5 years or more? At the moment, in my situation, with no end in sight now, I'm feeling I want to make the best of what we've got, but we are able to meet every other month, I don't know how often you were meeting? I couldn't do it if it was meeting every few months, it wouldn't make me happy. It's sh*t, trying to work out if you'd be better off apart or better off making the most of what you have together even if it's not ideal at all. I'd feel worse without him, but that could change if it becomes too unbearable. I don't know what to suggest, you've obviously tried to find ways to make it more bearable and meet up more often, but it's not possible at all? Not easy with kids, and not easy financially, also not easy to take time off when you want it cos of work. Do you feel in your heart the only way is NC? I wish for things to get easier for you... First off I think our current status is single and she even said once a few weeks ago that "I'm free to do what I want". On that note, we continue to have amazing communication and we even took our kids to see the smurfs "together separately" as she put it. It was fun yet frustrating. She was in my back pocket all weekend and although it isn't being "together"....we were. We even slipped back into the cute name calling and flirting and discussing future plans. But...Monday was my deadline to decide whether I would keep my new position at work (Which has no bearing on why we cant be together) and she started questioning me during my lunch hour about moving out there like she didn't know why I couldn't anytime soon. Realizing my lunch hour is when she is nearing bedtime and she gets short and slightly mean, I sent a few simple responses and went back to work. I worked late that night and the kids were starting school the next morning and I was slightly irritated with her so I didn't contact her all day. Very rare. My next day was just as busy but I knowingly did not contact her again. Nothing from her either. I started to think maybe she didn't care but I knew that wasn't likely even though she acts that way a lot. I started to think maybe I should just continue the no contact to put an end to our obvious frustration of not being together. It's torture but like anything in life you endure the pain and you move on. I'm pretty romantic and loving compared to the typical male stereotype but I also have a bit of an edge from past hurt where I really could give two ****s about 99.9% of people. This girl is different. I think I literally need her. She makes me a better person and I am striving to be a successful writer/artist because she motivates me. She is that catch that is the one but maybe I can't ever have...like "Moby Dick" or "The old man and the sea"! Neither of them got their great fish and it killed them. Ok that was slightly corny Anyway thanks for listening. I just needed to vent and hope someone out there can grant me a wish Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Do you feel in your heart the only way is NC? I wish for things to get easier for you... I already broke NC. I had to tell her something my son said on the way home from school. I thought of her the moment he said it and I knew she would appreciate it and get a laugh out of it. Thats how important to me she is. I didnt think of his mom or any friends or family... I needed to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sounds like you'd both be much more unhappy without each other than what you have now? Unless you just stay close friends? But then you'd be free to see others and can you cope with that? I know you've said you've dated a bit, I doubt your heart was in it though? I already broke NC. I had to tell her something my son said on the way home from school. I thought of her the moment he said it and I knew she would appreciate it and get a laugh out of it. Thats how important to me she is. I didnt think of his mom or any friends or family... I needed to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sounds like you'd both be much more unhappy without each other than what you have now? I'm miserable without talking to her and my friends can tell my mood changes when we arent talking. They say that I am addicted to her. It sounds bad when they put it that way and maybe it is given our current situation. Unless you just stay close friends? But then you'd be free to see others and can you cope with that? I couldn't handle the thought of her being with someone else. I've been friends with past exes (best friends in fact) but those relationships ended in more traditional ways not because we just couldnt close the distance. Not that I'm an immature person in the sense that "if I cant have her no one should" but we really are perfect together and I SHOULD HAVE HER. I know you've said you've dated a bit, I doubt your heart was in it though? It certainly wasn't. They were definitely not for me anyway but I get the feeling that no one will be. I'm not sure it's fair of me to get someone else's hopes up when my heart is somewhere else. The dates really liked me and wanted to continue the date but I couldn't get home fast enough Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 If you are a writer and artist you should be able to live anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I doubt it's that simple or he'd have done it by now, and he has kids, it's not easy to uproot them. If you are a writer and artist you should be able to live anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 If you are a writer and artist you should be able to live anywhere. Ummm being a writer/artist is like being a musician or actor....you have to work a real job until you get a break. I'm trying to accomplish that while balancing a full time job and kids and that is part of the reason our relationship is suffering. And as HOH said it has nothing to do with finances because she makes so much that I could live there and not work. But thank you for the worthless, unhelpful and unrealistic post Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 Sorry fitchick! I was mean there. I'm stressed and frustrated beyond belief and I shouldnt have taken it out on you. I really wish it were as simple as you stated Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Hey Madjac, hope you're feeling a bit better today. It must be really frustrating for you, and hard when you are still saying you're both 'single' yet acting as partners in all communication. That alone would make it harder to move on when there is still hope of much more. Anyway, ((hugs)) to you, and try and keep your chin up:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 Thank you very much crazylove! I appreciate the encouragement. In fact we have been texting each other all day and I feel really good. We discussed some things that have caused us some distress and then we just had some fun talk but the true test will be that it's saturday night and we will both go about our nightlife activities...separately. I've never felt like I needed someone before but I need this girl! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Glad to hear you're feeling good today Thank you very much crazylove! I appreciate the encouragement. In fact we have been texting each other all day and I feel really good. We discussed some things that have caused us some distress and then we just had some fun talk but the true test will be that it's saturday night and we will both go about our nightlife activities...separately. I've never felt like I needed someone before but I need this girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Glad to hear you're feeling good today Thank you HoH! I know that you have a similar situation to mine and I often look forward to hearing from you! I have decided to stop trying to play the NC game because the simple fact is I just love talking to her. I don't know if she is dating or anything and i really dont want to know. But the amount of time we communicate I cant imagine she has time to date and if so it must be a really bad date Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I guess just do what feels right day by day and not look too far ahead. I feel upset as my partner seems to be a bit distant since he found out his job transfer fell through, I asked if he was ok and did he just want to be friends and he said he's just not sure what to think about the job/moving situation and that he's a bit worried it will mess up our r/ship. I've not been happy lately as I've felt we've just been friends rather than partners. I've a strong feeling he's going to break up with me today, I wanted to at least give us a try, it's like the job falling through has defeated him. We're supposed to be meeting in 3 weeks, which we decided after the bad news about the job. I don't know if he worries I can't cope with us having no end in sight or whether he can't handle it himself. I feel pretty sh*t. Thank you HoH! I know that you have a similar situation to mine and I often look forward to hearing from you! I have decided to stop trying to play the NC game because the simple fact is I just love talking to her. I don't know if she is dating or anything and i really dont want to know. But the amount of time we communicate I cant imagine she has time to date and if so it must be a really bad date Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I was wrong, he doesn't want out He's just feeling sad/disappointed after his job transfer fell through. Sorry to thread jack How are you feeling now? I guess just do what feels right day by day and not look too far ahead. I feel upset as my partner seems to be a bit distant since he found out his job transfer fell through, I asked if he was ok and did he just want to be friends and he said he's just not sure what to think about the job/moving situation and that he's a bit worried it will mess up our r/ship. I've not been happy lately as I've felt we've just been friends rather than partners. I've a strong feeling he's going to break up with me today, I wanted to at least give us a try, it's like the job falling through has defeated him. We're supposed to be meeting in 3 weeks, which we decided after the bad news about the job. I don't know if he worries I can't cope with us having no end in sight or whether he can't handle it himself. I feel pretty sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Hope you're both feeling better now Madjac and HOH!! haha! I know how you feel Madjac, i'm in a similar situation. Not an official relationship, but don't want to break off what we have cos i love talking to him. We too talk for hours a day every day. It's so hard to know what to do. I think it's the fact that you still have hope that makes it hard to break away. Where there's hope, you want to try . . . just in case they are the one! I'm hopefully moving closer to my 'friend' in a few weeks time, so we'll see how it goes from there i guess. It's hard to know at what point to continue. . . or to try and let go. I guess until it becomes clear, you just carry on as normal! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author madjac74 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Share Posted August 22, 2011 I'm very happy for you HoH! :) <----See two smileys worth! I'm doing great actually! We talked the entire weekend. I know it was mostly texting and some people think that isn't a very sincere form of communication. I might agree normally but with her its different. We were literally insync all day and our texts werent more than a few minutes apart the entire day. I don't think she would devote her day like that to me if she didn't still love me a lot. Before she went to bed she said she wished I was really there with her. It made me very happy but frustrated at the same time. I still have no idea what the future holds for us but I'm just going to enjoy having her in my life at all for as long as I can. I'm really lucky to have ever met her so I really shouldn't complain too much that things aren't perfect Link to post Share on other sites
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