bunners101 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Hey my boyfriend will be going to college in less than a year...he'll be going far too. I am a year younger, so i'll have to stay behind for a year...here is my situation/question....I REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS WORK...i need help or suggestions on how to keep this going/make it last. I will do anything for him. Yes, it does make me a little nervous about the fact that i won't be there when he is doing ****, but i trust him completely, and i know it makes him a little nervous that i will be here on my own...but we both plan to keep our relationship going, and i know he is a trustworthy guy and will NEVER cheat on me (yea, i know that girls and guys reading this are thinking BULL**** he won't, but i know for a fact that he won't...A) he's been cheated on before and he knows how it goes and B) his dad had an affair, and he knows first hand how it tears people/families apart) so yea, i trust him completely there, but i just need help for as to how we should deal with it, i know i shouldn't like call him everyday 10 times a day, or write him a letter everyday, cause that isn't special....but please give me some advice or suggestions, i would really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Riles Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Well I think the main thing you need you have, and that is "Trust". Long distance relationships are no fun, but if you think they will work in the outcome, then they are well worth it. I can tell you that from personal expeirence. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Hey There.... LDR's are no fun !!! But, I so understand how you wanna make this work out cos you love him so damn much !!! I'm now in an LDR with my girl which is REALLY far away... Like 6000 miles... The second thing important after trust, is to TALK. As much as you can. Write him letters, even 3 a day, call him when he can (He would not find it annoying since you're his girl and he loves talking with you.. espacially when you're that far apart...) and IM when you can... If he will find it too much for him, he will teLl you.. If he'll be busy most of the day and couldn't talk, I'm kinda sure he'll tell you that he just can't talk so much or something or you'd here it in his voice if you are so close. If something big is goin' on, call him. He doesn't answer ? write to him an E-Mail or a letter. Schedule beforehand when you're gonna meet (in-person) so you'll have something to wait for. Make a certain time of the day to talk (if it's possible) so you'll know that if you really wanna say something, you could do it in 4-5 hours or whatever it'll be.... You should talk as much as possible. This is what is gonna keep the closeness, which is for my opinion, would perfectly stay if you woiuld be able to talk with him and share your thoughts and feelings... If you love him so much and so is he, you'd certainly should make it... Hope some of the stuff I suggested here were helpful... Don't worry, time passes by if you want it or not and evantually, you'll be together... maybe even for ever and ever... Link to post Share on other sites
maine Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Hi. Long distance relationships are really tough, but as cliche as this may sound, they're gonna work out just fine if both partners are willing to MAKE IT WORK. Here's what my boyfriend and I do since the South China Sea is between us: 1) we send e-mails a couple of times a day -- never mind if nothing special's happening. It's just our way of keeping abreast of what's happening with the other. 2) we have regular weekly calls -- each week, we take turns calling each other (i.e., he calls this week and I do next week). We spend about 1 hour each call and we talk. Of course, if we find that we miss each other or if there's something that's absolutely necessary for one of us to share with the other during the week, we also call. But that once a week one-hour call is something that is non-negotiable. It's our time to talk about us. 3) plan regular visits -- like the weekly calls, arrange to take turns visiting each other. You can visit him this month, for instance (if it's not very expensive), and he can visit you next month. I hope it works out for you. All the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Yeah, Maine brought here lots of good stuff which will help you make it easier... Link to post Share on other sites
junipergirl Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I would agree with Maine: Don't talk on the phone too much or the phone calls will just get boring and predictable and you'll end up with nothing to say to each other. I know every situation is different, but for me, it works better when I speak to him once or twice a week, and thats all. When we do speak, we have really great conversations that arent just about me & him, but are about lots of other stuff too. I don't think you should make the phonecalls set in stone though (Like, I'll call you at this time on this day etc) but make it flexible and surprise him every once in a while. Otherwise things become too predictable. if you make the phonecalls special then he will look forward to them. Finally, as others have said, trust is the most important thing, as is a sense that somehwere down the line its going to work out long-term and you have a future together. Otherwise , its just not worth it. Good luck to you! My LDR has been going strong now for 18 months and even though its hard being without him, every moment I get to spend with him is worth all the time that I don't. If you both want it to work then you'll find a way. JG Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Well, even though I looked very carefully, I didn't seem to find Maine talking about "not talking too much on the phone"... I would guess the reason they talk like that is because it's expensive, but that's just an assumption... Anyway, I think talking is really important ! I don't know 'bout you, but I can talk hours and hours with my girl and not get board nor getting to a situation where we have nothing to say to each other... I'm soooo looking forward to talk with her always, even if I don't have something special to say... Just shqre my thoughts and hear her voice and all... Anyway, there's always something to talk about! That's me and my girl though, maybe it's different with other people.... About the "schedule days and times", I think it's good. I also think surprising is good ! It's so fun, outta nowhere just to call her and say "Good Morning..." or wake her up in the middle of the night to say I miss her or something... These stuff are really fun for both of us... Schedualing regular times to talk gives you so many things ! 1. You always have something to wait for. If you really wanna say something, you know that in a certain time you will. 2. You can be prepared for it. a. If someone is talking on the phone, tell him 30 minutes before you need the phone so you won't end up just not talking cos the line is busy or whatever. b. If you got H.W, papers to do or tests to study for, you will consider that and arrange your time properly. I never get bored from talking to her, and never get board from the routine of "We talk everyday at her 6:30 am which is mine 11:30 pm, and mine 4pm which is her 11pm...." there is a 7-hour difference in our times and it makes it even harder ! and so even if you don't have this time-problems, you better schedule these talking-time rather than get upset you talk less cos his mom is on the phone or he has this really big test tomorrow... think about it... Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Well, I did some more reading in other threads and "junipergirl" said something very important.... These all our good advices and all but you should do what ever works for you.. it is so different in other relationships... My girl and I fell to this pattern and it suites for us... Actually, we even planned we will talk 2-3 times a week and end up talkin everyday (I work hard just to pay these calls.....)... Me and my girl we're together for a year before going on LDR, and that is so different from starting a relationship at this way, in my opinion, it's harder.. since you got used to see this person everyday and suddenly it all changes... Anyway, do whatever works for you.. whatever you feel is right.. all these advices here are good and all but you should do just whatever works for you... Link to post Share on other sites
junipergirl Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 DJ-TK is right. You need to do whatever works for you. Every LDR is different, and for me it works talking once or twice a week for half and hour or so; for other people its better to talk once or twice day. I think maybe thats cos we met 'long distance' (we are both from totally different countries) and have been doing the LD thing since the start of our relationship?? I feel at the moment that I have the best of both worlds: we are both getting on with our individual lives, yet we have the feeling of security that being in a relationship brings. We both know we'll be together (after we have both finished our studies) in the same country eventually, and this is the main thing that is keeping us going. A sense that the relationship is going somewhere is the most important thing, and that you are putting effort into the relationship for a reason. As I mentioned, if you both want it to work then all will somehow fall into place. In this respect, I don't think that LDRs are that much different than regular relationships. In all relationships you take a risk and its just that with LDRs you are taking a bigger leap of faith than usual. Good luck, and I really hope things work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunners101 Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 Hey thanks everyone for the wonderful replies, they really gave me a sense on how i should deal with certain things when this long-distance comes into perspective...DJ-TK, thanks for the wonderful advice, you are absolutely right...i love talking to him and he loves talking to me, even if it's three times a day and two of the three times are just to say "hi, and i miss you"...we do have set times when we call each other, it didn't start like that, it just ended up that way....we don't go to the same school, but we talk to each other when i get out of school and he is on his way to practice, just to say hi and ask how the day went, and we talk in the morning before we go to school, just to say a quick good morning, and we see each other for a minute after his practice, and after we are done with all of our h.w., we talk for a little before bed...sounds like too much, i know, but it works great for us, and we don't necessarily see it as a "routine" more like the right opportunities to talk..and you and junipergirl are absolutely right, relationships are all different, and you just need to find your way, and stick with it....but thank you so much, this next year will be extremely hard, but i am confident that we will get through it, and juniper girl is right, LDR aren't that much different...you may not see them as hard, but you are putting the same if not a little more effort into them as you do when they are here...but thanks guys for the advice, it really helped and re-assured my confidence and lowered my stress about this....if you guys or anyone else has ANY other ADVICE, PLEASE PLEASE post something, i will GREATLY appreciate this! thanks guys! BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I'm glad I could help you... Me and my girl talks as much as we can on the phone and it's great... We also don't see it as a routines (Although it's the same times of the day for the last year and half), but the right opportunities to talk... When you love someone you would do anything for him, and a distance shouldn't keep you from being with each other... Hope you'll have an easy year... I would come to understand that it is harder to make up after fights while in LDR, and so we try harder to understand each other so we don't get to these situations from the first place... Best of luck and hope you'll get thorugh it fast... I saw somewhere in this forum a quote which I liked that kinda helps me in a way to see things in a more optimistic kinda view... "...Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone, in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It is for those who knows a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..." Link to post Share on other sites
JJ328 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 ok i really need some advice..i went out with this girl for 3 years...and we are very close to each other..and about 3 months ago we agreed to take a break..and through these past couple months we've had a lot of DRAMA going on..like she promised and swore up and down that this guy she was talking to was nothing more thana friend and she lied to me about it for 2 months straight to my face..because they were a little more than friends...but the weird thing is i know thats not how she truly is about lying to em like that..and she said she hid it from me so she wouldnt hurt me..but she said her feelings for him are nothing now..and through the whole process she still had feelings for me and she still does..but now she doesnt know what she wants..she tells me she loves me and sees herself marrying someone like me in the future..but shes at this point to where..she thinks well how do i know for sure if i dont go out there and see whats out there...she also doesnt want to get back in when she feels shes not ready and i meen its hard...very hard for me too here that because i feel well..if she has feelins for me and still loves me shes not really caring about my feelings if shes seein other people and like shes playin me..but i know she doesnt meen that...im really just stuck on how to react and take this situation...i really love this girl..she meens a lot to me..i meen we've been threw everything together...and i just really want it to work out..i would really appreciate any advice.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunners101 Posted June 29, 2004 Author Share Posted June 29, 2004 JJ328, we should really talk online, if you have a screen name, because i've been going through something similiar...my boyfriend of a year and half just broke up with me because he's going away to college, and i still have a year left of high school...it's been VERY hard...and he tells me the same stuff your girlfriend has told you...and he just started dating a girl (whom i know) and it's been really ****ty...we have been through this BIG drama, and i don't know what to do about it either...everyone tells me to move on, but obviously, i can't...i've been trying too....but anyways, i can't move on yet either because he keeps telling me things, despite his new girlfriend, AND to make things worse, she won't let him see me, and i'm terrified that i won't see him before he leaves...here's my thing to you...i have no advice as to help you in your situation, i wish i did, believe me, because i want answers too...but here's the thing, for two months now, i've been asking EVERYONE for advice, trying to seek some answers, but there are none, and they can't give me answers either....follow what YOU think, and i HATE to tell you this, but, you will unfortunately have to figure this out on your own...cause i have to as well, and let me tell you, it SUCKS ASS, and i REALLY wish i could help and i could tell you some profound, but i can't, but i can tell you i'm going through the same ****, and here's the thing, if you love her, don't give up, i mean everyone has told me i have to give up, but here's the thing, i don't want to, only give up if YOU want to...if she loves you, it will work out, and i can't tell you if she loves you or not, but you'll find out someday, it may not be soon, it depends on how long you want to put up with not knowing....i'm STILL waiting...and i might be waiting for something that won't happen, but try and get out there like she is, i've been trying that. you still think of her, but you get your mind off **** for a little...be patient and follow what you think you should do, instead of what others thing you should do (i guess that's my advice)....good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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