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Break No Contact be ignored or leave it alone?


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MidnightinMadrid

Hi LS'ers!

 

I really need help and as much advice on this one,figured this would be the right place to post my LDR dissapointment

 

I have been basically really good friends with a guy whom i've been corresponding with from Argentina for three years. basically an LDR.

One summer I visited his hometown and we got to spend a week together say two years ago,it was great. i fell truly in love and have been hooked since then.

Although I always had a bit reservations about his history; broke up with ex,had the hots and pursued his female coworker. I still went forward

 

Shortly after our meeting met someone locally. From then on things went south basically changed into a totally different person and grew to somehow treat me with less respect. I understand he's with someone i accepted that and only respond contact when he intiated it. I also accepted his offer of friendhsip because he said he didnt want to lose me and still cared about staying in touch.

his actions said otherwise, he has repeateldy cut me off,ignored my e-mails or IM's even after I responded to his. Ignore me whenever he saw me online,which before he always said hi at least.

Once he blurted that he had a F**fest with his girl knowing that i still cared about him just bc I casually asked what has he been up to and I havent heard from him.

to.

This was two years ago and I remember that callous comment to this day. He can ask me whats going on with me,but cant ask him,oh well.

He conducts this whole relationship in his term,even ignoring me when i told him about my graduation.

 

So ongoing I've been getting dangled carrots by this guy when finally he threw me a whole carrot with bread when we once flirted earlier last year. He had a bad day, he got laid off and leaned on me emptionally.,

I was always a sounding board whenever he needs me,even when I was out with friends. He says he cant talk to his girl. So i accepted the role of therapist,crumbs wherever i can get it. Anything to keep him recapture the chemistry i thought I had with him .

The flirt which was my dream since he hasnt done that an ages of course since he's with someone else turned out to be the end of our 3 year correspondence.

He told me his girl found out so thats why he cut me off,even ignoring me on my Birthday when I foolishly IM'd him telling him thatits my Bday whats up?

 

My Opinion

Sure some may say well he cant keep contacting you he has someone,but know one really knows how mjuch this guy is so independent.

He was raised by his uncle,bpth his parents dies when he was young. he had a long term relationship with his ex,whom he claimed wouldnt dare tell him what to do,and his friends mean alot to him no matter what.

Okay this time its different,he's serious about this girl one may say,if thats the case,why does he confide how much he still wants to do his female coworker?

I'm sure if these two flirted,if she ever gave him the time of day he wouldnt cut her off.

I then agree it was wrong for us to flirt,being that I have someone in my life also,whom he does know about. However this person and I have more of a companion rarelty sexual relationship,which he knows that.

i just agree that just as he has to respect his girls feeling,I have to do the same with the person i'm with.

Why does he get to parade his relationship in my face to the point he made that unwarranted comment,and I have to pretend that I have no one myself. I believe there lies the problem,when a guy thinks you have no one else he can take you for granted/

 

Then he proceeded to tell me how much i lied to him my real relationship with my friend,how much I am a liar and a cheater.

This is from a guy who cheated on his ex repeatedly and I reminded him that. Ok Maybe I shouldnt have,it just seems like he can dish it always and insult me soon as I stand up for myself,he cuts me off again.

sometimes he would do it for no reason. I know he doesnt treat his friends this way and he prouds himself of having longtime friends all over the world.

 

I was already mad that instead of telling me hey look we need to cool down my girl found out we were flirting he ignores me completely.

Even though he contacted me he said he doesnt want us to stop being friends and we were alway right there supporting one another.

 

So because i reminded him of his old cheating wild ways,just because he doesnt do it anymore,(how would I know he's in Argentina) he tells me he doesnt want to speak to me anymore and i havent heard from him since October of last year.

I kick myself repeatedly for reminding him about himself,however I didnt appreciate him calling me dishonest and cheater..especialy when he crams how much he loves his SO in my throat when he doesnt want me to expect anything.

So Here I am,New Year,relocated somewhere he would never guess,I want to contact him or at least extend the olive branch,which i have done before after he finds a way to shut me out. This wasnt the first time he's done this,however my last three throughout attempts were ignored .

 

Need Advice This is driving me nuts I still miss and care for him at least to say Happy belated new Year but all my friends,even my therapist,(yes i've been in therapy ever since I've been dealing with him says to Not contact him.

 

Any help,or support or true insights would be great right now

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This guy obviously doesn't care for you, why are you putting yourself through so much pain? What do you like so much about him? Forget about him, if you have to see a therapist about it, then things are seriously wrong, allow yourself to meet other people and you'll see that you have wasted a lot of your time and energy, you'll meet someone that really deserves you, you owe it to yourself to forget about this guy !

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I wouldn’t bother contacting him at all. This guy doesn’t sound like a positive influence in your life as a friend let alone more, so I fail to see the point. I understand you may still care for him based on the person you saw when you spent that first week together, but you have to ask yourself why you would allow him to continually treat you the way he has. He’s moved on with his life and only talked to you when it was convenient for him, an emotional crutch if you will. I would suggest you do the same because even being civil with this guy seems like an unhealthy situation for you to be in considering the strong feelings you still harbor. It’s a New Year, start this one out by taking care of yourself, you deserve it.

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MidnightinMadrid

Thanks for responding! I figured if i hadnt stood up for myself in that last e-mail or done it differntly we would still be communicating

Which sounds unfair,i didnt insult or put him down,if i did i immediately, apologized,whereas last year he sent a really nasty,insulting email to me and never apologized.

 

I just felt the last blowup was my fault,but then i would be walking on eggshells,again which isnt right.

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I'm sorry, but he's just not that into you and this 'friendship' you have with him is unhealthy. You need to cut off all contact with him. You deserve better in a friend and in more than someone like him.

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The guy sounds like a selfish idiot, he has no respect or consideration for you, you deserve MUCH more than this. It seems like your lack of self esteem means you find it hard to see exactly how badly he has treated you. If your first post in this thread was written by someone else what would your advice to them be?

Please listen to your therapist and stop all contact, it is only way for you to let go on and move on, don't allow yourself to be dragged down like this by someone who clearly doesn't care about you. And please stop blaming yourself.

Cut all contact, don't allow him to disrespect you anymore and please start respecting yourself. I don't mean to sound harsh, it's just you don't deserve the treatment you got from him :mad:

You need a new start without someone causing you to feel bad about yourself, don't allow him to do it anymore.

You can do it! :)

 

Thanks for responding! I figured if i hadnt stood up for myself in that last e-mail or done it differntly we would still be communicating

Which sounds unfair,i didnt insult or put him down,if i did i immediately, apologized,whereas last year he sent a really nasty,insulting email to me and never apologized.

 

I just felt the last blowup was my fault,but then i would be walking on eggshells,again which isnt right.

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MidnightinMadrid
The guy sounds like a selfish idiot, he has no respect or consideration for you, you deserve MUCH more than this. It seems like your lack of self esteem means you find it hard to see exactly how badly he has treated you. If your first post in this thread was written by someone else what would your advice to them be?

Please listen to your therapist and stop all contact, it is only way for you to let go on and move on, don't allow yourself to be dragged down like this by someone who clearly doesn't care about you. And please stop blaming yourself.

Cut all contact, don't allow him to disrespect you anymore and please start respecting yourself. I don't mean to sound harsh, it's just you don't deserve the treatment you got from him :mad:

You need a new start without someone causing you to feel bad about yourself, don't allow him to do it anymore.

You can do it! :)

 

 

Thanks so much! here i am beating myself up thinking this is all my fault,and mine alone. I really never saw it that way,I always thought,what did i do to lose this guy's respect. all i wanted to do was stay in touch,no matter what,believing him wanting to stay friends was sincere.

Now I see what i did wrong was continually allow him to slam the door in my face and continue this very unequal relationship.

he seems like a popularguy who has good anounts of friends from what he tells me.

I as once a good friend but yes I have strong feelings for him thats what went downhill your right,shouldnt blame myself

 

Hey Heartshape,yes i know he's not that into me,read the book and saw the movie umpteenth time. My goal is not to be into him anymore now that Heaven and Hell,and all of you gave good advice,i definately wont contact him,this helps.

 

Any More support advice is surely welcome

Edited by MidnightinMadrid
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