Paranoid and upset :(

[0nyx577]

okay so I've been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months. My boyfriend lives 6 hours away, in a different state. we've never met yet but we do video chat. lately, i feel very paranoid and worried. im upset a lot and its caused us to fight more than ever before and i don't know what to do. i feel like im the only one feeling this way. i know i can be very insecure at times, so that's probably part of it. but i don't know. he tells me he's 100% sure im the one. that he knows he's found the one and he's so happy he found me when he did. he even bought me a promise ring for christmas. he knows how serious that is to me, and it's serious for him as well. he's extremely serious about marriage. he'll never marry someone unless he knows thats the girl he's going to spend his life with, and he said he wants to marry me and the promise ring is just a stand in until we're older and he can afford an engagement ring. he always reassures me about these kinds of things. he's promised me things like, hell never break up with me, and hell never let the distance bother him no matter how hard it gets and that hell always work everything out, no matter what it is. we both decided that were going to move in together after high school. he promised that too. so we both know that this distance is only temporary. he's got another year to go, and it really worries me. he's the only guy I've ever believed and trusted. I've never felt this way about anyone and i know he's the one i want to spend my life with, without a doubt. for the past 7 months, I've completely trusted him. he's done nothing to make me not trust him. but recently, this whole month I've just being worrying a lot because im scared he's going to change his mind. i know he's gonna change in the next year and a half, whether it be good or bad. he's going to change. im just so paranoid that one day he's going to break up with me and all those promises will be broken and i won't be able to handle it. idk, im just worried. so does anyone have any advice or kind words or anything to help m,e get through this? thanks

Edited January 2, 2011 by 0nyx577

[eidolon]

I understand that 8 months is a relatively long time, but you should really evaluate this situation differently. Worry more that he is saying any of this without having met you.

You're both in high school- I understand that you don't want to hear me talk about how you're too young to be talking about marriage and moving in and all of that, but think about it. You haven't met him. Video really is different from seeing someone in person.

 

A lot of people act differently in real life, whether they love you or not.

 

You should try not to worry about this and whether or not he is going to change. Stop thinking of this as the zenith of your relationship. Seeing as you haven't met, it is far from it. See each other a few times (even though you're in high school, it's possible. it just takes creativity), and THEN start making these decisions.

 

Don't worry about whether or not he's going to change and break up with you. Think more about making the relationship you have right now a more rational one. Excuse my wording on that. I'm terribly bad at getting my meaning across.

 

If, after meeting, you two are more comfortable with the relationship, and understand each other more, focus on helping that continue to grow instead of worrying about it falling apart. It will only make things worse if you're constantly freaking out at him about this insecurity.

 

That was my advice.

 

As for kind words, I know how you feel entirely. I've been on the bad end of a situation like yours, but the issue was different. I'm sure that once you talk to him about it, you'll relax and be able to accept and fully appreciate his love without worrying. You just need to communicate this to him, and visit him!

If you trusted him for 8 months, continue to trust him now. Don't doubt his love, or his future love. You'll make it.

[folieadeux]

^^ This exactly.

 

Six hours isn't that far away; I think you two should definitely focus on meeting in real life before stressing about all of this.

[creighton0123]

Really. Listen to the others. Meet him first in person. Six hours isn't a killer distance. Who knows. You both might be very interested in the idea of a relationship with one another, but until you can guarantee physical computability (the level of attraction you experience through touch) it's all just... stagnant.