zetkin Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I met someone but he lives in another country. He liked me very much because I seemed so much different from what he sees at home every day. We communicated though the internet, we planned on meetings, trips together (well, better to say he planned). It’s not impossible, you know. But the problem is I was not sure about it – I think I liked him but there were a few things I also didn’t like about him. Appearance, first of all, and also his English is not so perfect; there are moments sometimes when I can’t understand him. And because of this I got the idea that it’s not worth trying. So in about a month when I started feeling I grew too attached to him I decided to break this – when he said he loved me I answered that I like him but not love. Next time I said him that he shouldn’t get the idea he means anything to me because he doesn’t. Well, I was not too harsh of course – I explained him all my doubts. He was shocked and offended and didn’t write me anything for a week. And I felt so miserable. I did have some feelings for him. I wrote him this, he seemed happy and behaved like everything’s normal – but of course it was not, and I felt it. We communicated just like friends. Several days ago he told me he met someone else at home and thinks he might be in love with her. Hmm… that’s just what I wanted – then why am I crushed? I told him about my feelings, and he said “Ok, why didn’t you tell me earlier? How long do you think I could wait for you?” He wants to continue communicating like friends. But I don’t. I wrote him a huge letter explaining that I don’t want to have any contact and I am happy for him. But I feel so depressed. Why am I spoiling everything good? Why is it so hard to just try, take a risk? And it is not because of distance - but because of my fears... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I don't think the issue here is really your fears, exactly. You said 'I think I like him'. That isn't really a good base for a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I agree with Elswyth, you can't just like someone and have a relationship, let alone a LDR. Like them alot at the beginning, yes, but even you said you didn't really like him all that much. Seems like you're suffering from a case of "always wanting what you can't have". He's moved on and that's why you feel so crushed and want him back now, he bruised your ego. Believe me if he came crawling back you'd go back to feeling unsure of how you felt about him, so you did the right thing in letting him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zetkin Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 (edited) Seems like you're suffering from a case of "always wanting what you can't have". Oh, you are probably right. I do want what I don't have (just not sure what it is) and never like what I already have. I want perfect, but I've never met anyone perfect and I don't think I will. I will always find faults in anybody and then I'll be not sure - again and again and then again, and they will all just move on. What do I have to do now - will I stay alone forever? Is this the only opportunity I have left? And the problem is not this specific situation, but me. I am always so unsure that starting a new relationship is like taking a huge risk - what if I understand he's not the right person for me, but what if I grew too used to, what if i can't distinguish where is love where is just habit and many others "what if" rush though my mind... And because of that I am so afraid. I know no one can help me except I myself. I just wanted to share... Edited April 11, 2010 by zetkin adding more information Link to post Share on other sites
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