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When do'ya know it's right?


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Hi Guys,

 

I have heard the 'ya just know' answer to the question but is that all you can tell me? I have had this long (long) distance internet thing going for a bout 5 months and finally met my cyber guy. We did slip into that nice comfortable, open, already know ya, feeling and it was... nice. No surprises, no little voices saying something not good here, but trying to decide if we want to go on or call it a day, there's no 'zing' no electricity, no head spinning breathtaking sense of urgency, my question is, we only spent a week together (he's flown off home and we're back in cyber hell...), should we give it more time or is the lack of zing straight off the bat, a sign? Does chemistry always 'sizzle' or can you say you've got chemistry when the mix feels right? Do I want 'movie love' or is this how two sensible (aghhh) people cautiously approach matters of the heart? How many your stable relationships/marriages started with this kind of friendship, good communication easiness and grew. I'm 37 he's 41 and divorced and although we're willing to give it time we don't want to waste time or cause pain going down a dead end street, especially if it's a LD one. He can come back in a few months for longer, we'd both move the earth for the right person but how do you know when it's right? If you have to ask is the answer 'no'?

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The chemistry seems to zing a little less as you get older but it can still be there if that's a requirement.

 

From a practical standpoint, I think it's ridiculous to have someone come to visit and think that things are going to just explode right there. Online chemistry is created in your own imagination...real life stuff is a whole different matter. "Online relationships" is the biggest oxymoron to date.

 

At your age, you should court someone in person for a period of time and let the love, if it's there, grow. With brief visits now and then, you will never, ever know.

 

I really don't want to poo poo this for you and it may be a very great thing but without a time for real life courtship you simply can't be sure of anything. And while that chemistry thing works a bit differently as we get older, our requirements become a little more inflexible and we seem to become less tolerant of little things we would have overlooked at a younger age. I might also add that chemistry can definitely develop as one learns more good things and grows in love with a partner.

 

A lot of great marriages started from nothing...square one...and the love grew. This online stuff is relatively new in our world so the grand scheme of statistics is not yet in. However, I feel very strongly that your relationship is definitely worth pursuing but if you intend on something permanent, one of you is going to have to move to where the other is and have a normal courting period. Putting yourself under the kind of pressure you feel to make some sort of decision now is crazy!!!

 

Of course, you may be a gambling woman in which case I'd say think hard about it and just take a stab. The worst thing that can happen is a broken heart and losing some of your bank account. The best thing that could happen is you could end up with the love of your life.

 

You stand a lot better chance of determining whether or not someone is Mr. RIGHT if that person is RIGHT there with you in person for a period of time.

 

So, do you want a 50/50, phone a friend, or would you like to ask the audience???

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Guess I am a gambling woman coz I think you're right Tony - I don't see any reason not to keep moving forward, so will keep putting one foot in front of the other and we'll keep making plans to close the distance (yes, original plan was for me to spend at least a couple of months with him this summer), who knows lightening might strike and I'll burn my bridges and stay...

 

Thanks for the insight, much appreciated...

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