3000 miles away and 10 years apart

[nomadx]

well i figured i may as well tell my story. its one of incredible love, passion, loyalty, and betrayal.

 

it started totally by accident, met this girl in an online game and we started chatting more and more. i figured out how to do voice chat and things really hit off quick. before i knew it we were doing voice chat every day, talking over text, and exchanging pics. found out she's only 18, but was very mature for her age. she was still living with parents, and the whole thing had to be done in secret. her computer was right next to her dad's, she had to watch what she said cuz he was always in the room etc. she comes from a strict, religious family.

as i learned more about her we discovered we were like exact opposites yet meshed with each other perfectly in a complement. i asked her if she could wait for me, for when she is done with school and this became a pact between us. we talked over text, skype, voice chat every day. before i knew it the word love and forever was being thrown around. in may i started planning a visit.

it had been only a month so far and she was promising everything to me. i'm the best she's ever found, etc. maybe because she is so young, but i had never found someone so compatible either. fights were fairly regular, about once a week. it would be over stupid things usually, but the big ones were over looking at other girls, looking at porn, and religion. she's fundamentalist jehovah's witness and i'm atheist. there was all kinds of romance daily. i sent her 20 page long texts of romantic poetry, swearing my loyalty and love, and she would send me texts about how perfect we were, how wonderful it was. i stayed up till 3am every night in the dark texting in bed until she got too tired to text in her -3 hour time zone.

 

as the day of the visit approached we became more and more excited, counting the days. it was 2 weeks, then 1 weeks.... seemed to take forever. finally though it came and i began to execute my complicated plan to get from tampa to a small town in central oregon. i drove my car to the super walmart by the airport, having hired a cab the night before to pick me up at 6am. i stayed up all night to make sure i would catch it. we drove to the airport and the guy gave me back too much change on purpose, and said good luck. i got there and had to wait a few hours. i went in and out of sleep, then over time it seemed to be time as people were suddely showing up in the waiting area taking seats. the plan arrived and hooked up to the tunnel thing at the end, and about an hour later they finally let everyone on. i took that plane for hours and hours, finally landing in arizona which was a bizzarre, dusty moonscape to my floridian eyes. almost immediately another plane was ready for transfer and i got in. we took off, and i talked with an old lady the whole time while taking pictures of the grand canyon as we flew over it. the landscape gradually changed to forests and hills, then finally i was in portland OR. i got off and each time i texted her saying i was ok and on my way. i had to figure out where to take the train out, and then i got on and rode that for another hour. at last i arrived in downtown portland, and walked 2 miles to the rental car place carrying all my heavy bags in my arms. i strained and i grunted but nothing could stop me from completing this mission.

when i got there they turned down my debit card, citing a $400 deposit needed. i specifically asked them about that over the phone and they said nothing about that. i hauled all my bags all the way back downtown, transferred money from my other account, then trudged all the way back. finally i put my bags in a blue car, got out my gps. exhausted, i began the third and final leg of this epic journey.

it is a 3 1/2 hour drive from portland into oregon's interior, and thank god it was summer because i had to drive over mount hood. people die on that road in the winter. about halfway there my gps said its battery was low. wtf? i had it plugged in. turned out the charger for the cigarette lighter did not work, backup plan, i stopped at a gas station and charged it with my wall charger on an outside outlet. as i sat there against a brick wall, trucks stopped in front of me leaving their exhaust fumes down my throat. finally the gps was charged. i went inside the gas station and bought some coffee, and it started to rain. i looked down and copied the route the gps was saying to follow--its the same road for the next 220 miles. i drove over endless hills and curves. past millions of trees, cows, and sage brush. at one point a truck ahead of me was driving at only 20mph on the highway and i barely stopped in time in the rain.

as i approached and got closer, i texted her my location. she couldn't answer, she was in a class. finally after hours of driving in the gloomy rain i was almost there. it was now dark, and i used the gps to guide me through the maze-like roads. i drove around all over the town looking for her. she kept moving around. i got out of the car, walking around looking. then got back in and drove some more. finally found her standing in a parking lot in the dark. she ran up to my rental car and we were talking immediately. by the time we were driving away we were holding hands in the car and i just couldn't believe it. this was the meaning of life.

we got back to my hotel. i picked out the extra fancy expensive one. i unloaded my things and we laid in bed together. finally, after countless nights of talking about doing that. it was incredible. it was like i sighed out a hundred lungs filled with air, the culmination of every night i spent holding my breath waiting. we watched the notebook, the story of the intense relationship that fades and comes back. in the end it would be the perfect story to describe us.

that night we made love. and we cuddled up as close as we could, trying to make our bodies as one. i put my face right up to hers, my eyes right into hers, and said swear to me you will never leave me. we swore to always be together no matter how hard this long distance gets.

the next day when we were together and talking about the promises and vows we made, i took out a ring and showed her. i said when this is over, and you are ready to be on your own, will you marry me. she said yes. its crazy right? after only 1 month. but thats how serious it was and i really felt like i had found the one.

 

the rest of the visit was incredible. we hiked to the top of a mountain and she became sad as she surveyed all the little houses, saying soon her friends will move away. i said i will always be there for you. we sat together eating lunch, and it started to get freezing and then it rained. we drove all over the place, we did everything together. and then on the last day when i had to drive her back i kissed her one last time. that would be the last time for a very, very long time.

 

well as soon as i was driving back it was like i was crying. so was she. she begged me to take her with me back to my life. i just couldn't. we both knew she had to stay. as the weeks went on after the visit we promised to live together every day. i talked about how we will live in apartment, save up money and buy some land, build our own house and have a farm way out in the country. she talked about the horses she would take care of and how beautiful life would be. then about 2 or 3 weeks ago i realized how i had neglected other parts of my life because for the past 3 months my life had revolved around this girl. we were texting constantly all day long every day. i think in june it was about 4000 texts in one month that showed up on the bill. i had unlimited text messaging before all that though.

 

i had neglected my friends. i hadn't seen them in months and had no idea where they were. i neglected my studies. many times i missed class or an important assignment because talking to this girl came first. even though i said many times school had to come first, we were both clingy as hell and she would become anxious if i turned the phone off to study. i was unhappy with where my life was. classes were over for the summer and i had nothing to do all day. i thought i'd see my friends at school but they were all awol. i started getting depressed and it affected my mood. i started saying disrespectful hurtful things to her by accident. we'd have a big fight, then make up. then it went to crap when i stopped responding to her texts. i came back and said i needed to take a break to analyze my own life. she was really upset and when we got to talk on skype next time she really chewed me out. the next day i said i needed a break again, then 4 hours later texted her saying all i needed was her. i was being erratic. turns out this hurt her very badly. the next day she said she needed a break too to think about things.

well the next day came and no text. so finally i text her saying i loved her, and please don't break my hurt. she texted back saying we are done.

 

over the next few days we texted and argued and talked over phone as i was frantically trying to find out what went wrong. she had realized the ldr was taking away from her friends and incompatible with her life. she was too young for such a serious commitment. yet she said its not completely over, just at least until she's on her feet in college. paradoxically there is absolutely no garuntee she will take me back when that happens.... 2 years from now. i tried to work out a compromise, but it seemed NC (No Contact) was the only way. the final talk, i called her up 3 times no answer around 9am her time. i texted her sayign please answer your phone. an hour later she called me. i asked her do you still love me. "yes." do you still want to be with me? "yes." why did you lie about swearing to be with me always? "because i didn't know i was lying."

in the end i decided to do NC for the 2 years. we are broken up and able to see other people. it is so hard. i have to let go of everything. and then revive it all.

 

and the more i think about it, the more i think about how it was all empty promises and fake love in the first place. i have observed relationships and marriages fail. i proposed to her because it is the strongest verbal contract you can do. until then i was not satisfied with the sworn oaths we had exchanged. well it doesn't matter what people say. they can always break it off.

 

now i wonder if i should even go back there, 2 years from now to reclaim her. i know i'm the right man for her. but would she even take me back, or would she prefer to live her own life. i don't know. when the time comes, i will go solemnly, not expecting anything. by then i won't feel this love, loyalty, and betray i feel in my heart.

[Lovelymisa]

Your story really touched my heart Nomadx, I understand exactly how you feel. I am in a LDR with my boyfriend as well, and we are doing exactly what you were doing with your girl. We made promises of a life together forever and the only thing that is in the way of starting our life is the distance. He is in Spain and I am in the states. In 6 months I will make my move over to his country and basically give up everything i've ever had or known for my new life with him. I'm not scared at all, I put all of my love, heart and trust into him so all i can do is pray and hope that he will not break me in the end. Thank you for sharing your story.