long distance...i cheated...long story

[confusedlilgirl]

Well, before my (now ex) boyfriend left for college we had been together for a little under two years. He lives about 5 hours away from me, so I hardly ever get to see him. I guess you could say I am someone who needs constant reassurance in order to believe that someone loves her, so when school started I started to like the attention I was getting from a certain guy at school. I was really confused about my feelings for my boyfriend and I barely got to talk to him about anything because he plays college football so he has a really busy schedule. Anyway, so I thought maybe I wasn't cut out for a long distance relationship, so I asked my boyfriend if we could just date so I could sort out my feelings.

 

When I asked him this he flipped out and he said that I was either going to be with only him or noone at all. I did not know waht to say because I felt that I needed time to think. Well, after he got over his stubborness we agreed to just dating eventually, and when we were dating I kissed the guy that goes to my school. Well...I started to sort my feelings out and I decided that the guy who was giving me attention wasn't worth it, and I really did love my boyfriend.

 

Well, so you think everything would be ok now. A month or so ago I made a really big mistake (and i was also not totally sober) and I kissed another guy. Well, I suppose you could say the other guy kissed me (he was pushy) and after we kissed once I was said, "Um we shouldn't be doing this I'm still with my boyfriend"

 

So because of the promise we made to tell eachother if we cheated I had to tell him because I think it's better to be honest, and I would feel horrible hiding a secret from someone I have been so close to for the past two years. So...he broke up with me. Now we are still broken up...and I really want to get back with my ex boyfriend because I think it took all of the events that have happened in the past couple of months for me to realize that I really do want to be with my ex...and I know it sounds like I am being a stupid manipulative girl, but I guess I just learn things the hard way

 

Now we are still talking (because we are best friends even if we aren't going to be more than friends) and we talk everyday pretty much, but he says that he can't be with me because he doesn't think I can handle a long distance relationship. I understand where he is coming from because it does seem like I can't handle one, but I don't think that I cheated on him because of our relationship. I think I cheated on him because I was turning to drugs and alcohol to get rid of my problems, and now I have stopped because I realize that it is not the way to handle problems.

 

I really think that my ex is the one for me...and he tells me that he thinks we will eventually get together just not now. I know that I should just give it time, but I don't know how to handle being totally in love with someone and not being able to tell them. I know I brought all of this upon myself, it just hurts. And I was wondering if anyone had any advice for what I should do.

 

I know that I have to prove to him that he can trust me once again, and that I can handle a long distance relationship. I really feel that I can show him this because I have stopped the "illegal activities" or whatnot and I do not even talk to the two boys that I talked about earlier. He keeps telling me that I can be with other people if I want to, but I really don't want to....whenever I tell him this he says, "well I guess you should have realized that earlier." I don't know...I seriously believe VERY strongly that I can handle this relationship and I want to know what I can do to prove it to my ex.

 

Thank you for even reading this entire thing...

[Kat]

I am still stuck on the "be with me or no one at all" line. That scares me!

[Carroll]

I don't know how you will just sit and wait for him to be ready and you to be ready.

 

If you love him, tell him. I don't know why you wouldn't at this point. You really have nothing to lose. You don't have him now, and if you don't have him after you tell him, you are no worse off.

 

I know you'll be vulnerable, but again, you have nothing to lose.

[Bizzit]

If you love him you have to let him know it. Dont let your true feelings not be shown to the one you love. You did the right thing by him in asking for him to give you time and space, there is nothing wrong with that. You have to make sure that you want a longdistance relationship and try and work from there. If he indead loves you he will come around his feelings of loss of when you asked him for your time and space. I hope that everything works out for you.

Trust me if you dont let them know then they think that they dont have anything there and they move on. TELL HIM

[opie_wonder]

ok first rule...if its a different area code... it doesnt count as cheating.... if u cheat with two ppl at the same time....they cancel eachother out and its not cheatin..... if u pay good money for them....its not cheating..... and if your too drunk to remember...its not cheating.....

HEY IM SRY I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT TO NOT THINK ANY MORE OF WAT I JUST SAID AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A JOKE...IT ALL DOES COUNT AND IM SRY BUT I HAD TO BE THE GUY.,....

OPIE

[Tolkien]

Ummm....

 

if its a different area code... it doesnt count as cheating

 

I'd like to think that feelings extend past area codes.

 

if u cheat with two ppl at the same time....they cancel eachother out and its not cheatin.....

 

If you cheat with two people at the same time (and still have the person out of town) I would think the two multiplied and made it twice as worse.

 

if u pay good money for them....its not cheating.....

 

What exactally did you "pay good money" for?

 

TO SAY IT TO ... OF WAT I ... A JOKE...

 

Uhhhh.....

 

IM SRY

 

We forgive you.

 

LoL.....

[Bizzit]

lol Is it that easy to be forgivin.. lol

BTW loved that aircode remark!..lol

[HokeyReligions]

Well, based on your post I'm in your ex-bf's corner. It doesn't sound like you can handle it and you have already proved that by cheating, and I consider a kiss cheating. Drugs and alcohol do not excuse or justify it.

 

What can you do to prove you can handle the relationship? Stop cheating, let him know that you love him, but don't smother him and pester him with "see I can do it" statements. Be faithful to him and be patient. That's the only way you can "prove" anything - by doing it, or in your case, NOT doing anything with anyone else.

[mighty bop]

Looks like you really messed up on that relationship huh?

[Bizzit]

I know what I did was wrong and Im not sorry for what I done at all. I my self was set up to meet the man I met from his at the time(wife) She set us up to start talking on line because she was on line all the time and he never did anything. She got us together talking and one thing led to another. It was her way out of their relationship. I did feel bad for he and her being together anymore and the way that everything happend. I never knew that I was going to meet this man and fall in love with him once it started.

You never know how anything starts where it will lead you to. We had what I called a wonderful relationship where one of us truely fell in love:(

[duckie]

I am speaking from experience b-c I am in a LDR and I have to tell you that timing is a big issue. Two people can be right for each other but if it is not the right time for them to be together it will not work out.

 

A Long Distance Relationship needs trust and insecurity gets in the way of that. If I were you I would work on my own insecurities first before I can earn his trust back.

 

Talk to him face to face. Show him that he can trust you, it takes time, and cannot under any circumstances be bought.