Chrysanthemum Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Ok, so heres the story. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 yrs. already and we met when we were seniors in high school. We lived nearby each other so we were able to connect very easily and we started our relationship. However, things were going smoothly until he got an acceptance letter ( 6 mos. into the relationship) from his dream school that is 2 hrs. away. So naturally, I was deveastated and cried ALOT over this until he decided that he loved me too much to see me hurt so he decided to give up his dream school for me and go somewhere closer. So, he went to a school thats 45-1 hr. by train. In the beginning it was really hard because I had to adjust to him not always being there and to make matters worse, he was really unhappy at his school b/c it wasnt the one he wanted to go to. SO throughout that year our relationship changed and it was good but we kinda grew cold towards one another and not so lovey-dovey. Mainly because he was choosing his friends over me and not communicating alot. However, he came home for the weekends so I was happy about that but it was a hassle for him. Over the summer we kinda grew closer. But now, the problem is is that he told me that he's been wanting out of the relationship for awhile and feels that he's not in love with me as a girlfriend, but as a best friend. He says that he hates going home because he doesnt feel like he has the college experience he wanted and keeps on blaming me that he didnt go to his dream school. He says he wants to see me but he's lost that spark he once had for me. Communication is ok..but its mostly me calling with him calling only about 1-2x a day plus texts for about 15 mins. or less. I love him very much and I would be deveastated if he broke up with me but he's tried only once before but said he wants to give it a second chance. Now, I told him that he can stay at school every two weeks/weekends but then on the third weekend I can see him so that way he can stay at school just like he wants but......what can I do to help save my relationship? He doesn't have that need for me and kind of closed his heart towards me and doesn't let me in because he can't let go over the fact that he's not where he wants to be. In his school, he has alot of friends and parties and everything but he's still mad/annoyed idk....what can I do to gelp him fall in love with me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I hate to say it, and I know that others are going to disagree with me on it, but since I've been in the exact same situation before only reversed, ill say it anyway. The damage may be already done. When you almost literally forced him to give up his dream school to go somewhere closer that right there started your problems. If you can't support him and love him no matter where he is, then the problem lies within yourself, and not with him. If the situation were reversed and it was YOU that had your heart and soul set on a school that you loved, you would resent him if he cried and threw a fit about it. Just because he moved an hour away from you doesn't means he loves you any less, but it does mean that you need to be more understanding about things and not push him so hard. You aren't helping your relationship one bit by acting like you are about the whole thing. You CAN make this relationship better, but you need to stop blaming him so much for everything and realize that you've hurt the relationship too. If you both realize what's gone wrong and then actually try and fix it, things can and will be saved. But if one or the both of you decides that its not going to work, then you've gotta accept that. A relationship ending won't kill you, it'll just hurt a lot for a while. But don't put your heart and soul into a guy that says he's been wanting to get out for a while. Depend less on him and more on yourself. And just to prove my point, ill tell you the point of view from someone who's been in your boyfriends shoes. I was with my ex for 4 years, and engaged for 2 of them. We were inseperable during high school, we did everything together. When it come time to choose colleges I had my heart set on going to JSC in vermont, which is 1000 miles away from my home(KY). Well, he cried and made me feel terrible about wanting something more than what he wanted. So eventually I gave in, and went to the same college as him. But when we got there he wanted every second of my time. He literally lived directly above me. Well, I had to come home because my mom got breast cancer and I wanted to be with her, and what happened? He followed me, of course. I'm not the phone type usually, and he called or texted me all the time. If I wanted to go out with my friends, he gave me grief over it. Earlier this year I was ready to go back transfer back from the community college to university and when I once again tried to go to the college I wanted, he threw another fit. Only this time, I had had enough. I realized that I had been resenting him and how he never wanted me to do what I wanted to do, just what he wanted to do. I had wanted out for a while, and had just never realized it. Nothing he could say helped any. The damage was done. And so was I. If he had figured out sooner that he was hurting us, then maybe it could have possibly been repaired. But this went on for almost 3 years. And he kept pushing and pushing to the point to where I wanted nothing to do with the situation. So like I said, if you're serious about this and him, please please please realize now that you're causing just as much problems as he is. If you truly don't want to lose him, then you won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrysanthemum Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Hey, thanks for the reply ...I just wanted to say that I do realize that I am part of the problem..and we've talked about our feelings and our thoughts about the situation for awhile..we know that we're both at fault. I know that I have to give him space and let him enjoy his own time but, I don't want that feeling of being neglected, you know what I mean? I want him to feel as strongly about me as I do for him, like he used to be towards me. It's just I'm trying to make him happy and trying to make him see that its just a rough patch but we can make it. I'm just hoping it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Giving him space and being the happy, cheerful, active girl that he fell in love with two years ago is probably the only thing you can do. No one will want to fall back in love with someone who is whiny and demanding or who calls every few hours. I don't see a lot of positives going on here, sorry to say. Good luck with the trial run, though! Link to post Share on other sites
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