Have I gone mad? LDR BLUES

[alondra78]

I KNOW THIS IS LONG. BUT PLEASEE....

 

So my long distance girlfriend fof one year and a half recently got into a discussion about our past. She goes to Maryland, I am in New Jersey for college. We started dated right before school started last year. I dont know what to do. What I found out recently was that...

 

The bad: in the beggining of our relationship she wasnt sure whether i was being loyal (i was, extremely) , so she was kind of flirty. I also found out that at some points in the past, she was not totally into our relationship, and questioning whether we will be together for a long time. During this time, she said she did very minimal flirting. She mentioned the name of one person who she was particularly flirty with because he reminded her of me slightly. I also found out that she would go out to bars, drink, grind, which she claims was 100% not sexual for her, just liked to dance, and all of her friends go there so there is nothing else to do. (which i dont necesarily believe)

 

The good: Throughout our relationship, we have always communicated daily for alteast an hour or 2 a day. We have always been very passionate. I always found myself being more passionate, but we both were very.

I know this sounds cliche, but we were always really into eachother. Its not a typical relationship, we are one of those couple that people think are going to get married. Always crying before leaving on breaks, etc.

 

Basically what I am asking is now that I found out all of this information from the past, which hurts very much while I was being totally loyal, I dont know what to do. The question of whether she cheated on me rose. I asked her, and she called me crazy and said no way. She said she always loved me very much, and was sad that soemtimes she didnt see us together long because of our clashing personalities. She says things are totally changed, and we talk about how we are going to make it through college etc.

 

My problem is I dont know what to do. I dont know whether to think she was very flirty, touching, etc, i dont know whether to think while she was grinding she was horny, sexual, etc, i dont know whether to think anything.

Ive gone crazy.

 

I lost all perspective and am turning for advice. I have thought about breaking up with her, as I am really hurt that while i was very loyal, she wasnt, and she knew it and took me for her to tell me. I know alot of her sounds bad, but really, she is a mature, genuine girl, and i do know she would be heartbroken if we were not together.

 

If anyone can give me there two cents that would be great. Ive been thinking about this nonstop for months and have gone crazy lol.

Thank you so much.

[o0oscar0o]

ok, my wife and i met online and she was in another country and we only saw each other about 3 days a month but we made it and have been married for over 6 years so i have some sympathy for the LDR aspect. i also have a wife who is VERY flirtatious. thats just her nature. it took some getting used to, but it doesnt bother me at all. the main thing you need to tell yourself over and over and actually believe fully is that she loves you. your heart is hers and hers is yours right? is flirting w. some guy or even grinding at a club making her heart less than yours? does she love the guy? of course not. perhaps she needs more attention that you do. perhaps she feels it harmless.. which is it btw. compared to what you have with her, it IS harmless. what you need to do is have faith in what is between you two. that bond is strong and unique, right? she was never disloyal to you. what makes you two special isnt the physical attraction which she might be feeling but the emotional attraction. everyone feels that physical attraction to more than just their partner.. and if they say otherwise they arent being honest to themselves or us. relax.. breath deep.. chant your mantra and have faith in her.

 

 

the only issue i do see that you might have is that you need to communicate better (and i dont mean more as in longer) and have more trust.. and perhaps a little more respect for each other. she needs to understand that you arent comfortable with certain things, but you also need to respect her boundaries too which are obviously more open than yours. try to meet somewhere in the middle.