Panic Attacks

[EMBeee]

Does or has anyone else been through this before? Panic Attacks... especially when you don't hear from your LD bf or gf in a while?? My LD bf and I usually talk everynight, so when I don't hear from him (like last night) I begin to panic and fear the worst! It's a horrible feeling, especially since you can't be there -- since we're miles apart!

 

That nasty nervous, anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach... I HATE it!

 

Anybody else go through this??

[northstar1]

Does or has anyone else been through this before? Panic Attacks... especially when you don't hear from your LD bf or gf in a while?? My LD bf and I usually talk everynight, so when I don't hear from him (like last night) I begin to panic and fear the worst! It's a horrible feeling, especially since you can't be there -- since we're miles apart!

 

That nasty nervous, anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach... I HATE it!

 

Anybody else go through this??

 

It's understandable. The imagination can be a terrible thing to navigate at times. Various things go through your mind , not withstanding - are they okay? are they distancing themselves? are they with someone else?

 

It's natural to go through. However, I would say that if it's just one night, and he's normally good about it, not to worry

 

Maybe he was delayed doing something, or couldn't use his phone etc.

 

I wouldn't sweat it too much, Im sure you'll hear from him today.

[Sweetie2007]

I know what it feels like, to be thinking "OMG! Where are they?? what happened????" and everything else. when i was in a ldr, which was primarily online, if he wasn't home from work ON TIME, i'd flip out. it annoyed him, he said he felt like i was sitting on top of him. i was worse than his mom. I learned to back off, give him some space. but i still asked him to tell me if he were gonna be gone for a long time.

one time, he disappeared for three days! not online, no phone calls, nothing. i was ready to call his mother by day four. but he got back online. his internet had messed up...and his mom wouldn't let him call international .

 

 

so, i guess what i'm trying to tell you Northstar, is that you're not alone...ask him nicely, when you talk to him again, what happened. chances are, he has a valid reason.

[EMBeee]

Well this week has been a rough one for some reason. I came back home after seeing him in April and since then we've been on the phone EVERYDAY!! But starting just this last saturday, we have hit a rough patch. We haven't been talking as much as we used to. So, last night when I was finally able to talk to him... I said, "well let me call you back in about 10 - 20 mins" so I could get the girls ready for bed... I called him back and there was no answer... I kid you not... I called him back in 20 mins flat and there was NO answer! What could've possibly happened in 20 mins that he decided not to talk to me on the phone???

 

This morning (after 10 attempts throughout the night and morning of trying to get ahold of him to make sure he didn't choke on a pillow or that he didn't have to bring his mother to the ER or that he wasn't lying in a bed with another woman) he finally called me and told me he fell asleep!!! In that 20 mins?!? Really?!? Made me feel dumb but then also opened up the door to the possibility of if he's lying or not!

 

This is why I don't like LDR's... and DO NOT advice in gettin into one. I love my man, but the long distance is gonna give me a heart attack... I HATE not having any control over anything and not being able to get tucked into bed with him every night and not knowing where he is at all hours of the night. I love him dearly, but I think my blood pressure is gonna do me in one of these days... I'm only 27 and my face is starting to look shrunk in because of all the worrying I do. I do trust him mind you, but it's the "what if's" that really get my mind going... mostly because I am praying to God that he made it home safe from work and that nothing bad has happened to him and his family.

[TMichaels]

This morning (after 10 attempts throughout the night and morning of trying to get ahold of him to make sure he didn't choke on a pillow or that he didn't have to bring his mother to the ER or that he wasn't lying in a bed with another woman) he finally called me and told me he fell asleep!!! In that 20 mins?!? Really?!? Made me feel dumb but then also opened up the door to the possibility of if he's lying or not!

 

EMBee, had the exact same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago... I was in a mildy "pissy" mood on the phone. Thought about what was bothering me, and called him back 10 minutes later. No answer. Called 20 times during the next hour. No answer. Mind you, it was 2:30 a.m. his time, so it's not like he went down to the pub or a friend's at that hour, BUT WHY DIDN'T HE PICK UP THE PHONE????

 

We have this agreement about "never going to bed angry." I sent him an IM mentioning this and that I had called repeatedly after our earlier conversation yet he would not answer the phone. The next day when he got my IM he was in a bit of a panic of his own -- 'cause he knew by what the IM had said and it's tone, there was a problem. So, he called me straight away and we got it sorted.

 

Yeah, you guessed it, he fell asleep as soon as we had hung up the first time. And, TBH, when he's sleeping the house could fall down around him and he wouldn't even twitch. So I don't doubt that's what happened. BUT STILL!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

 

So, yes... I know where you're coming from and how "unpleasant" it is to be sitting there with 101 bad thoughts running through your mind. But, I have to say that almost without exception when this has happened in the past, the reason for the missed/no contact was legitimate, and a couple of times (including one when he had been laid up in the hospital for a week w/o a cell phone and no way to let me know) was a real "learning experience."

 

So, I guess what I am saying is, if you love your guy and he loves you, part of what will make your relationship, or break it, is how much you both are ready, willing and able to trust. I'm not suggesting you should cut someone slack that's being untruthful or deceptive, but in a LDR I think you do need to learn to "count to 10" a bit more often before jumping to conclusions. Not entirely a bad lesson to learn, but some days! -- Arrrggghhh!!!!

 

Regardless, glad to hear you two finally did make contact. And, don't worry, you are certainly not alone...

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Maggs]

Oh yes from time to time, I have to say I've had this happen to me before to. Usually it's just an annoyance because we were due to chat and he fell asleep or was stuck in traffic and didn't get home so by the time we do speak, I'm just a bit aggravated to say the least!

 

Probably the time that sticks out for me was after he was here for a visit. 2 days after he left he got a bad flu/cold. He went to bed on Saturday night saying he had been vomiting, nauseous, dizzy, had a high fever and then I never heard from him again till Monday morning. So needless to say I was worried sick on Sunday. We NEVER go a day without talking! And I wasn't the only one. I guess his Dad and best friend were there pounding on his door too worried about him. That was probably the only time I've been actually 'panicky', the other times were just aggravation and frustration. My moments of worry are all re: his health and safety though. He flies a lot for his job--so always worrying about him travelling, flying, being alone in a strange country, etc.

[EMBeee]

I've tolds him that I can go one day the most not hearing from him, because it's happened before... but 2 days!!! Wow... i think i would have to fy over there to make sure he was ok... I am just a real worrier... and he doesn't EVER have to worry about me... because I ALWAYS make sure I let him know, even if it's just a text -- that I am ALWAYS thinking of him... I just don't understand why sometimes they can't take the small 2 mins (if even that) it takes to send a text message?!? Just to let us know they are ok, alive, well, thinking of us as well

[TMichaels]

LOL @ EMBee... I know where you're coming from, but if you flip out about two days, you should go a week or more!

 

That's happened to me a couple of times. Once with the emergency hospital admittance and another time when he had work problems. I was besides myself with worry -- finally was able to get a hold of a friend of his and asked him to please check on him to make sure he was okay.

 

He was, just trying to get everything sorted on his end. I felt kind of stupid and embarassed to have asked a friend to get involved, but what else could I do? I always will send him a quick or IM if I'm not going to be around when we usually connect. I can deal with not making contact every day -- stuff happens, and sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day. But like you, EMBee, all I ask is that he just let me know!

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Habibti]

Are things really this bad? It sounds like you're not ready for a relationship. Being in a close-distance relationship he might fall asleep in 20 minutes, or have had something terrible happen or be lying next to another woman and what control do you have over it then? Honestly? You sound really insecure with yourself and you shouldn't feel that way. You love him, he loves you right? You sound like you don't really believe all that. This is not simple worrying wether or not he's okay- our close distance sig others go out into the world, drive around, have a night out on the town etc etc anything can happen, you going to have high blood pressure and a shrunken face from the worry non stop?

 

I really would say this looks more like an issue of being insecure in your relationship VS. just worrying about his health and safety. Is there some reason he's given you to not feel secure in the relationship or this all in your head?

 

 

 

 

Well this week has been a rough one for some reason. I came back home after seeing him in April and since then we've been on the phone EVERYDAY!! But starting just this last saturday, we have hit a rough patch. We haven't been talking as much as we used to. So, last night when I was finally able to talk to him... I said, "well let me call you back in about 10 - 20 mins" so I could get the girls ready for bed... I called him back and there was no answer... I kid you not... I called him back in 20 mins flat and there was NO answer! What could've possibly happened in 20 mins that he decided not to talk to me on the phone???

 

This morning (after 10 attempts throughout the night and morning of trying to get ahold of him to make sure he didn't choke on a pillow or that he didn't have to bring his mother to the ER or that he wasn't lying in a bed with another woman) he finally called me and told me he fell asleep!!! In that 20 mins?!? Really?!? Made me feel dumb but then also opened up the door to the possibility of if he's lying or not!

 

This is why I don't like LDR's... and DO NOT advice in gettin into one. I love my man, but the long distance is gonna give me a heart attack... I HATE not having any control over anything and not being able to get tucked into bed with him every night and not knowing where he is at all hours of the night. I love him dearly, but I think my blood pressure is gonna do me in one of these days... I'm only 27 and my face is starting to look shrunk in because of all the worrying I do. I do trust him mind you, but it's the "what if's" that really get my mind going... mostly because I am praying to God that he made it home safe from work and that nothing bad has happened to him and his family.

[arma8ia]

I can totally relate to that feeling... !

I am still experiencing it 10 yrs on... and it's driving me crazy at times...

The only advice I can offer is keep yourself busy, men don't seem to appreciate neediness, and furthermore, this feeling does nothing but wear you out, and eventually leads to resentment. If it only happens occasionally, perhaps you have to figure out where this insecurity stems from. What is it that you fear? Infidelity? Avoidance? People do fall asleep, run out of battery, etc... stuff happens... Simply deny to put yourself in that hurtful position, PLEASE refrain from phoning again and again, all you will achieve is a reflex reaction triggering anxiety every time he doesn't pick up! It's a vicious cycle that can easily get out of hand. One call is more than enough. If he didn't pick up the first time, chances are he won't if you call in a few seconds.

 

If, on the other hand, this is a recurring incident, nip it to the bud before it becomes an acceptable behavioural pattern. Choose a time to discuss the matter carefully. Impatience is inherent in long-term relationships, I do understand. But let it go for a while... fearing your reaction will only postpone his getting in touch sooner. When he has your full attention (usually when he initiates the phone call) and you are both in a relaxed loving mood, bring it up. Explain how you feel, and assertively request that he makes an effort to inform you if he is likely to be unavailable on the phone.

 

Hope this helps a tiny bit. Don't let him take your concern for granted. And more importantly, don't let yourself take this horrible feeling for granted... always make your mental health your top priority ;-)

[EMBeee]

Well, it seems that ever since he has been back to talking to his step-mother (who is also his mother-in-law, they had been in a fight over his ex's current bf - she is also his step-sister... in know, very bad situation), it seems that he's always pre-occupied. Before, when they were fighting, he ALWAYS had time for me... now that they are NOT fighting, it seems that he's always there with them and then he has no time for me.

 

Ok, so this is the situation... his father remarried to a woman who has a daughter that my now ld bf was married to.

 

So, I guess my insecurity is that we are 1000 miles apart... LDR's are new to me. I feel that now he is not on bad terms with his father and the step-mother/ex-mother in law... he's able to hang out with his ex wife more since she lives there with them.

 

I am NOT insecure that they will do something together, however I AM insecure that his feelings with her will be re-kindled since he still loves her to begin with and I had NO problem with that since he and I have been friends for a while and I know his history with her and I don't judge him.

 

I AM insecure also that he will no longer want to continue a relationship with me since I only hear from him less and less. I am NOT insecure that I will NOT find anyone else because I have had many offers... it's just that he is the one for me and I feel like I could lose a good thing and never find that again... he and I have SO many things in common we are like one in the same. With him I truly feel like I have found my soul-mate... I don't know that he has found that in me though.

 

Another insecurity of mine is that I feel he is maybe not ready for another relationship... at least a deep one... because he still holds a major grudge against the ex's current bf... which I feel after one year, he should "let go" of that grudge in order for him to be happy with his future and move on with his life.

 

Also, last night I did mention to him that I feel we never talk anymore... he said that between work and his kids that he feels he doesn't have time for anything else. I know he didn't "mean" it the way one would think but it kinda makes me feel like I'm being led on and if he doesn't want to continue a "deep" relationship with me then he needs to tell me because I AM ready for love since all I've had was negativity for the last 10 years from my ex abuser. I never had that loving feeling and with my ld bf I feel I have true genuine love with him that I have NEVER felt with anyone else since we connect on more levels than one. I know that if things don't work out for us... we will continue to be friends like we always have been.. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.

[EMBeee]

I don't know if it's my imagination or intuition (I don't know if I trust intuition in this situation because we're so far apart)... or if it's the tarot readings that one of my friends and I keep doing but I just have the "feeling" that he doesn't want me anymore

 

He and I have been through this type of rough spot before... before I saw him last... and it passed and things were great. The thing is, is that I am going to see him 2 more times within the next 3 times. One week a piece. One with my kids and the other without the kids. So I guess we'll see what happens after that. I've already made my mind up that after August... he's gonna have to come see me until I can save money to see him again.