Are LONG long distance relationships easier than SHORT LDRs???

[j_hunt_12]

I've started to notice that most younger college students and young workers get into these 200-300 mile away LDR and they rarely work. Especially if they last over a year, BUT i've started to notice among much of my international friends that their relationships actually do work often. I myself am in an international LDR, but will not comment because I've only been in it 3 months... no problems so far.

 

But I know many people that are together maybe 2-3 times a year and actually last until marriage. ALL the "weekend couples" within the U.S. that I know have broken up.

 

You see this too? Why is it? I think it might be better because you REALLY have to prepare for an international LDR and usually you plan ahead aboyt who will move, what time frames there are, what the "plan" for the relationship is etc. etc.

 

Couples closer by often underestimate the difficulties I think, and they don't prepare. Closer LDRs also seem like they take more of a toll on people, because you have to meet often and you are expected to. It seems like a huge drain. In very very LDRs you are at least free to go on with your life more or less normal.....

[TMichaels]

I've started to notice that most younger college students and young workers get into these 200-300 mile away LDR and they rarely work. Especially if they last over a year, BUT i've started to notice among much of my international friends that their relationships actually do work often. I myself am in an international LDR, but will not comment because I've only been in it 3 months... no problems so far.

 

But I know many people that are together maybe 2-3 times a year and actually last until marriage. ALL the "weekend couples" within the U.S. that I know have broken up.

 

You see this too? Why is it? I think it might be better because you REALLY have to prepare for an international LDR and usually you plan ahead aboyt who will move, what time frames there are, what the "plan" for the relationship is etc. etc.

 

Couples closer by often underestimate the difficulties I think, and they don't prepare. Closer LDRs also seem like they take more of a toll on people, because you have to meet often and you are expected to. It seems like a huge drain. In very very LDRs you are at least free to go on with your life more or less normal.....

 

Interesting observation, j_hunt_12. Will be interesting as well to see what others think!

 

P.S. Love your signature! Do you (or the author) have any thoughts on if that's why most people are so unhappy, what they can do to change that?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[blind_otter]

I had a trans-atlantic LDR for a while. It was fine while it was LDR, but the whole part about me being free to do my own thing sorta backfired....I cheated with someone who lived in my area who was much more available to me.

 

IN the end he did move here, but it didn't work out and he had to move back to the UK after about 2 months of living with me.

 

I ended up staying with the man I cheated on my LDR with...we've been together almost 3 years and are expecting our first child now.

[kt009]

I feel that being in a LDR where we only see each other a few times a year that it does allow for me to have a normal life and not been seen as having that "other half" and being independent. Since I am in college I am busy with school work and such that it is easier to be in an LDR then a regular relationship where I would see them everyday. I always hear people complain about their relationships because they only get to see each other on weekends or a couple times a month I understand why they are upset but it seems like people in LDR's are stronger than those in shorter LDR relationships. I gues I've just gotten use to the whole LDR thing and I don't know anything too different seeing that I have been doing it for 3 years now.

[bones1]

Blind otter, did you tell him you cheated and he still came to visit?

 

And I agree with the OP.

 

I think when you meet someone overseas, they are not as easily replaceable, as you like something about them that is more unique, like their look, their attitude, their accent, etc.

 

When you meet someone that lives 2 or 3 hours away, the drive becomes a hassle, and more often than not, this person is quite similar to men or women that live right down the street from you.

 

And often times when something is very difficult, such as seeing someone from another country, more thought is involved into ways to make them feel special, things to do when you do see them etc, as each time might be the last.

[j_hunt_12]

P.S. Love your signature! Do you (or the author) have any thoughts on if that's why most people are so unhappy, what they can do to change that?

 

I'm not sure what Pagnol had to say about it. I just like that quote because it keeps you in perspective. Just keeping the quote in mind keeps me upbeat and less stressed out because it really is true when I think about it... so stay in perspective I guess is all I can say. That has gotten me out of some crap.

 

Yeah I like my observation too.. lol

 

When you meet someone that lives 2 or 3 hours away, the drive becomes a hassle, and more often than not, this person is quite similar to men or women that live right down the street from you.

Yeah I think that is another part of it too...

[dancinggal]

I think its more to do with the sort of people who end up in those respective relationships.

 

Short distance seems managable, so people in those relationships probably enter them thinking they can manage seeing their boy/girl once a week or every few weeks, when the reality is they are quite tough anyway, regardless of the distance. Plus, they are at college, and its probably time for them to have a good time.

 

On the other hand, people who do the LOOOOOOOONG distance thing (like me and my boy. Australia and Canada, does it get much further than that???) are pretty aware that its going to be hard, so they probably have more preparation, and think more carefully about whether or not its right for them and if this relationship is worth it.

 

But I would never suggest its easier, because it most definately is not!

 

Just my two cents!!!

[j_hunt_12]

Yeah not easier on the coupple usually, but I'm just talking about how often they end up working out. LONG ldrs really suck...

[Eilonwy]

I think its more to do with the sort of people who end up in those respective relationships.

 

Short distance seems managable, so people in those relationships probably enter them thinking they can manage seeing their boy/girl once a week or every few weeks, when the reality is they are quite tough anyway, regardless of the distance. Plus, they are at college, and its probably time for them to have a good time.

 

On the other hand, people who do the LOOOOOOOONG distance thing (like me and my boy. Australia and Canada, does it get much further than that???) are pretty aware that its going to be hard, so they probably have more preparation, and think more carefully about whether or not its right for them and if this relationship is worth it.

I agree with you; I think the short LDRs are just more easily started. And the really long ones aren't, unless it's really serious. So often they won't start at all, when a short one with the same feelings would be started. But that doesn't make them easier... I really wish mine was shorter.

 

But compared to you, I'm lucky! (Canada - Switzerland here.)

[audrey_1]

Yes, keen observation. I have been stressing over an LDR that is only 100 miles; it just isn't working; we aren't building intimacy at all and seem to be looking for reasons to end it -- or maybe that's just me who's looking for reasons to end it. Anyway, I dated someone when I was in high school whose family was from Australia; his parents separated and the entire family moved back for a while. When they all moved back to the states, he's the only one that stayed behind. So - we had a looooong distance relationship for ten years, and you're right, we went on about our lives as usual, but when we got together the four or five times during that ten year period, it was like we'd never been apart. Very strange indeed.

[j_hunt_12]

Wow ten years? That is the longest LDR I've ever heard of. I think you just gave me a lot of hope if yours lasted that long. I think even me and my girl have put a five year cap on ours, but we can definitely get together permanently before then, so we haven't even talked about it going further than that. And I thought 3 years was a lot.....