Bf Accepted Job And Wants Ldr

[sbremer8098]

Okay.

My boyfrienf and i have been together a little bit over a year. We are not a perfect couple we have little tid bits here and ther, but we seem to cool off and hang relax around eachother like we both missed eachother.He is about to turn 30 I am 27. We have hung out on our own and done our own things and we hang out either with his firends or mine.. I like his friends more than mine.

 

One downfall of our relationship is I don't open up and talk to him as he seem sto want me too. the reason is not because I don't want to it's that I have really been in bad situtaions whn I wa younger and from those expereinces they have fridhtened me fromactually saying what i feel and expresing myself. He knows what I am refering too when I say I have beeen through bad things. An from my side. I wish he was more romantic more spontanous, unpredictable surprised me once n a while.

 

 

He has attempted to give us a break a couple of other previous times and one way or another i feel that we both talked and we resolved things. I admit. I get stressed out and may appear edgier meaning less tolerant of attitudes at more times than others.

But see in Sept it was our year anniversary. I was excited. I had nevermade it to a year anniversary before. I have been with lets just say runof thie mill types that just arent a match. And yes, I am a bit old fashioned I thugh he would have done soemthing or even of asked me . I mean we had brought up our future type talks so I thouhgt he'd at least say okay so when are we going to move in together. But i have had job problems and school exams. stolen identity just to name a bit of what I hav ebeen involved with.

I think my bf sees me as coming across as ..... he says if i don't get my way i have an attitude.To me I do not act like that. I have asked my family, freinds and no one agrees with im.

But back to the pont of my request of advice.

 

He just accepted a job in a neighboring state.It is honestly a great oppurtunity for him. Piad car, paid rent, line of work he'd enjoy.Thing is .....he told me after he made his decision. Not discussing this with me. Ogf course I would have wanted him to make the decision he made, but leaving me out so we could discuss this since we are in a rlationship , that just makes me feel left out.We both cried when he told me ten news. He said do you want to break up or have a ldr? I said I have only been in one and that was with a soldier and obviously that didn't work out and he was across the world.Then he reminded me that he is going to make a better opportunity for his life possibly urs and he was not going to replace me or anything like that.

 

I am really weary of a ldr. I thought things were going great with us as a relationship. I mean yes, Andrew says all we need is to believe in one another.He makes it sound so easy. I want to believe that nothing will change. But what can I say to him without being pressuring orgiving him an ultimatium about making sure we are both on the same page fro our relationship?

 

HE has mentioned that since my family lives in the city where he is moving too, that would make it somewhat easier.I want to believe it , yet this is ll so unexpected and to me heartbreaking. Suggestions please. He will be leaving after Thanksgiving. He is taking me out to a restaurant fri to a place we both enjoyed going too when we could afford to do so.

 

So what shoudl I do . What should say I just accepted a job that is great for me here. I have my own house. He sys he will repair his credit an possibly buy a house for us. I want to believe him bt at the same tim. I am afraid he is tellingme this and when he gets to his new residence he will sray or break up with me.

[Aussie65]

I am going through the same thing and it's been two weeks since mmy guy left to work in another State.We too have had rocky times but have got through them,although he says it's not,I do believe he has left also to put distance between us.

It's hard and involves a lot of trust...I am really stressing right now and feeling like hes left me in the lurch and run from being inlove with him to feeling alone and bitter...this weekend he is suppose to come up,now he is saying he has a cold and may not be able to,I told him I would drive down and he said he didnt want me to do that....I don't know,I am so insecure and honestly hope you can deal with it,I just dont trust other women,my mans cute and if one comes onto him I am worried being there and lonely and missing company.....he may cheat.Sorry,just the things we have to think about.I am stuck here because I have a daughter going to school here so it looks like a year until I can move to him....that's if we survive it.

[sbremer8098]

so any suggestions?

[oppath]

Don't throw away your relationship because of this. Be open to it. I've seen it work out! What I would discuss is "how can we make this work?" Don't put a time limit on it, but discuss what the future holds. After a year, for example, what are the chances of you two being in the same city? Is there a chance you could relocate EVENTUALLY.

 

I have witnessed LDR's last. They can work out. Is it tough? yes. but I'd exhaust my efforts first before ending the relationship.

[Aussie65]

I can understand your fears as I am currently going through this and hate it.Yes they can work out but with me,I am so insecure right now and am finding myself saying things to push him away which is not what you want to do.

It's going to take a lot of trust and when you see him the departure is going to be hard but work on making the times together very special ones like I did last weekend.....we went out for dinner,spent a beautiful weekend together but I do have to admit come time for him to say goodbye it was hard.You have to focus on your work and try not to think about it,if you start thinking too much about the "what ifs" it's going to drive you crazy....if you love and trust this man and I am sure it's going to be hard on him to then try and make it work the best you can through phone calls,lots of pics!computer,web cam and sending him nice little surprise packages with special things in them.Your weekends will be like a honeymoon,that's how mine felt....but sad to see them go.

Make sure you have a good support network of friends you can go see when your feeling down about things,that helps as well but most of all communication.I am right at the beginning of this so will let you know over time how mine goes....right now I want to pack up and go to him.

Best of luck with it all!