I just caught my boyfriend at another woman's house.

[Elleinad]

We had an argument, so he told me he was going out.

30 mins later I felt bad, so I called him, no answer. I messaged him and asked him to come home. He told me he was at the park. I tried to call again, no answer. I called again and again and again. No answer. He text me again, saying I'm at the park be home soon.

 

So I went on friend finder. He was not at the park, he was at a random address. So I went there, outside was a girl smoking, I asked her if he was there, she basically made out like she didn't know who he was and told me to move away from her house. I told her I wasn't doing anything wrong by parking in the street. I continued to call my boyfriend. He kept texting me saying I'm at the park, meet me there, I told him to send a picture of the park if he was there. He finally admitted he was inside. I told him to come out to which he replied IM JUST FINISHING MY BEER AND ILL BE OUT. By this point, I am fuming. I have no idea who this girl is, why is she lying for him, what about girl code??? He lied to me numerous times about where he was. He eventually called me and told me he would come and speak to me but not to make a scene. NOT TO MAKE A SCENE!!!! after what he had just done. He carried on talking rubbish, and then proceeded to tell me I was stalking him. Oh my god. We have friend finder because he does a dangerous job, sometimes he cannot come home on time and he's unable to contact me. I was hardly stalking him I just knew something fishy was happening.

 

Eventually I got fed up of him trying to turn it round on me and I left. Ladies I am absolutely fuming. Our original argument was ridiculous, we were both at fault but I was trying to call him to sort it. And now its being made out that I am in the wrong!! I don't even know what to make of this. He told me she is just a friend but what on earth?!

[S2B]

Well, someone who totally loves and respects you doesn’t treat you that way.

 

Why even bother with him anymore?

 

Would you consider ending it with him? No one should be treated that way. He’s just not good boyfriend material... at all.

 

Do you work/support yourself?

[Elleinad]

Well, someone who totally loves and respects you doesn’t treat you that way.

 

Why even bother with him anymore?

 

Would you consider ending it with him? No one should be treated that way. He’s just not good boyfriend material... at all.

 

Do you work/support yourself?

 

Yes, I would consider ending it. I told him last night it was over and we haven't spoken since, he left without saying goodbye this morning. We spoke after he got in, and basically couldn't see why I was angry at all, and was still trying to turn it around on me, bringing up the previous argument telling me if that hadn't of happened he never would have gone. Irrelevant, he cannot use that as an excuse. I just have the difficulty of finding somewhere to live. Right now, his lack of apology/empathy with how he has made me feel mean I do not want to be anywhere near him.

[MINAKO]

I would honestly break up with someone like him. Reading this made me angry, just IMAGINING my love interest doing that. No thank you. How disrespectful. I am glad you are considering ending it. If nothing weird was going on, he would have no reason to have lie to you. Further, after being caught drinking at some random girl's place, talking even more trash to you. And worse, blaming you that it is all because of the previous argument that he is there, drinking, instead of just apologizing and owning up. I do not blame you for your anger. It is ultimately up to you, but I would never wish to be with someone like that. The girl whose house he was in who claimed to not even know him, just pisses me off more. Very random lie, like something weird is going on.

[elaine567]

If she was just a friend she would not have lied to you. She is more than a friend sorry to say.

He has been caught red handed and is trying to worm his way out of it by blaming you.

 

Stay if you want but this guy is not bf/husband/father material and will continues to upset and hurt you, so basically a waste of your time.

[Atwood]

If there was nothing to hide they wouldn’t have lied. Dump him.

[S2B]

Yes, I would consider ending it. I told him last night it was over and we haven't spoken since, he left without saying goodbye this morning. We spoke after he got in, and basically couldn't see why I was angry at all, and was still trying to turn it around on me, bringing up the previous argument telling me if that hadn't of happened he never would have gone. Irrelevant, he cannot use that as an excuse. I just have the difficulty of finding somewhere to live. Right now, his lack of apology/empathy with how he has made me feel mean I do not want to be anywhere near him.

 

So why doesn’t he move?

 

Do you work/ make enough money to support yourself?

[Elleinad]

So why doesn’t he move?

 

Do you work/ make enough money to support yourself?

 

Yes, that is very true. Although since he thinks he has done nothing wrong, I think it will be difficult to get him to leave. Yes I work and make enough to be able to support myself.

[ExpatInItaly]

What’s the backstory here?

 

How long have you been together? What was the argument about? Does he have a history of lying and cheating?

 

I agree she’s more than likely not just a friend. “Girl code” is a farce, too. People tend to be selfish and not give a crap about protecting others, especially when they don’t know you. For all you know, he’s lied to her about you and pretends he’s single. Or that you’re a crazy ex or something. I’d withhold harsh condemnation of her until you find out what the deal is there.

[stillafool]

My gawd, I would never go chasing after some man, confronting some woman if he's in there, and acting like I've lost my mind over him. Is any man worth this???

[Redhead14]

If it were me, I'd text him -- "we are done. Enjoy your beer and find yourself a place to stay until we can work out the rest of the logistics. I will be available on Xday, at Xtime to talk about a plan for moving forward without each other. I'll call you then".

[Elleinad]

My gawd, I would never go chasing after some man, confronting some woman if he's in there, and acting like I've lost my mind over him. Is any man worth this???

 

 

No, clearly he isn't worth it. But if I didn't do it, I would not have found this out? I was outside the house and he was still telling me he wasn't there. I don't think it looked like I'd lost my mind over him, I remained calm and I left before he even came out.

[stillafool]

I was hardly stalking him I just knew something fishy was happening.

 

There was absolutely nothing calm about your behavior. You were stalking him. Yes he was cheating but you handled it the wrong way. You should have done what Redhead 14 said and then you would have the upper hand. Learn to control your emotions and you'll make better decisions.

Edited July 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[elaine567]

But she didn't know he was cheating until she went to the house and saw the woman outside who lied to her.

 

He could have been drinking with some mates, he could have been visiting a relative/friend so she needed to get some "proof", hence why she went steaming over there.

Breaking up with someone is a huge deal, it is not something most want to do on a maybe.

No matter how improbable, there is usually a degree of hope, so clear evidence is usually needed.

[Elleinad]

There was absolutely nothing calm about your behavior. You were stalking him. Yes he was cheating but you handled it the wrong way. You should have done what Redhead 14 said and then you would have the upper hand. Learn to control your emotions and you'll make better decisions.

 

If I hadn't gone there I wouldn't have known what was going on. I suspected something was off. I was right. We've been together a couple of years, I know his close friends, I know where they live as you would in a relationship from visiting previously etc. I knew this place was not any of their houses and it was definitely not the park where he was saying he was. Why would I just sit at home to wait for him to return, to accuse him of something without any hard evidence, that he could potentially wriggle out of, by telling me the location was showing incorrectly and he was never there or something along those lines and me not get another chance to prove.

Edited July 11, 2019 by Elleinad

[Flame Aura]

Wow calling him non stop then finding him on a finder app or whatever it is then going to his location just wow you need some help, you are way too stalkerish.

[elaine567]

... just wow you need some help, you are way too stalkerish.

 

She didn't do this out of the blue, she suspected something was seriously off and she was right, what was she supposed to do?

Ignore it?

Make a lovely dinner for when he came home and cuddle up with him in front of a movie...

 

He was cheating, she got the proof she needed.

[Orokotikki]

Yeah this guy either has been cheating with this tramp or lining it up.

Move forward to a better life without him.

[Flame Aura]

She didn't do this out of the blue, she suspected something was seriously off and she was right, what was she supposed to do?

Ignore it?

Make a lovely dinner for when he came home and cuddle up with him in front of a movie...

 

He was cheating, she got the proof she needed.

Well one thing is clear she certainly doesn't trust him, that is for sure. Where is the proof he is cheating? There is none.

 

 

No trust = no point being in the relationship.

[stillafool]

If I hadn't gone there I wouldn't have known what was going on. I suspected something was off. I was right. We've been together a couple of years, I know his close friends, I know where they live as you would in a relationship from visiting previously etc. I knew this place was not any of their houses and it was definitely not the park where he was saying he was. Why would I just sit at home to wait for him to return, to accuse him of something without any hard evidence, that he could potentially wriggle out of, by telling me the location was showing incorrectly and he was never there or something along those lines and me not get another chance to prove.

 

So after you found out everything you needed to know, which was he is cheating, did you kick him out and break up with him?

[Elleinad]

Wow calling him non stop then finding him on a finder app or whatever it is then going to his location just wow you need some help, you are way too stalkerish.

 

Alright, he told me he was coming home, an hour and a half later at 1am when he still wasn't back from supposedly being at a park 5 mins from our house, I think I have a right to be concerned? The same as any other partner would be about their significant other.

[d0nnivain]

You had a fight which is not good.

 

He went out then lied to you about where he was. Also not good.

 

You called to apologize. He ignored you. That was a signal that he wasn't fully calm yet. Instead of giving him space you chased. I'm not really defending him but in his shoes I can kind of see why he lied; he probably knew you well enough to know that if he told you where he was you would show up or complain about the drinking. He needed more time to assess the situation & have you cool down. That means his problem solving is not the greatest & your communication as a couple is off but if he lied because he wanted some peace after a fight, I can understand that.

 

The minute you got in your car & chased after him when he wasn't picking up you turned into a psycho GF. I get why you did it but it was an over the top thing to do.

 

At this point since you have been together for a few years & you now know he lied to you, what are you trying to save? A relationship with a man undeserving of trust because he's proven he is a liar?

 

I don't necessarily know he was cheating. He was inside drinking a beer. The only woman you saw was outside smoking. For all you know the house belonged to a work buddy & the chick on the porch was some roommate or GF who had no idea who your BF was. She was faced with an irate woman (you) & probably didn't want to deal with you. Hiding from you is not cheating.

 

Still perhaps your relationship has run its course.

[SophieG]

I agree that there was some irrational behavior here. You call, he texted he was at the park. The you call again, again and again... that here is too much IMO. Then you went on the app to locate him? That’s a bit extreme. I understand the desire to make sure he’s okay, but at some point, I think you went too far.

He was another’s female house... okay, does it mean he cheat? Is it suspicious? Yes. But I do agree with others, it feels like your relationship has run its course.

[preraph]

He's gaslighting you. if you aren't already familiar with it read about it so you can counter his arguments if you argue anymore, but this is egregious and I would leave. Lies, lies.

[Redhead14]

If you aren't trusting someone to the point where you feel compelled to go out and find them, don't waste the energy or time to do that. Just end it. Tell them you don't trust them and, perhaps, without reason. Nevertheless, it's in the best interest of both parties to walk away PERIOD.

 

 

Yes, technically, you stalked him. The only way to "recover" from that is to end it on the spot and not entertain anymore drama over the situation. Because, if you stay together for whatever odd reason you can come up with under these circumstances, this will be a thorn in the side of the relationship going forward. You do not trust this man. That's a hard thing to get past. However, this guy showed you he doesn't deserve your trust. Whether he is cheating with her or not, he lied to you about his whereabouts. Don't think for one minute, that he wouldn't be up your ass if he suspected you of something, especially if he were looking for a way out. I suspect you were looking for a way out as well. You just didn't realize it at the time . . .