Liza3741 Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 So I found out my bf cheated on me this Monday. We had a lot of problems throughout our relationship, so many that I lose count. We had an argument last Thursday he was bottling up a lot inside it turned out he didn’t like I was friends with my ex, I didn’t post about him on social media, he didn’t like that I mentioned my ex, that I didn’t initiate sex, etc. He broke down and vented, he left my home, and I had asked him to stay. But he didn’t, that night he called me I didn’t really want to talk so I didn’t pick up and just ended up texting him. That Friday he always picks me up from work but he didn’t want to, he wanted a day to himself. I said okay, when I left work I asked to see him he said no, i kept asking he said no. That weekend we didn’t see each other, I was upset he blew me off. Monday we finally saw each other after I got out of work and he ended up cheating on me that Friday with an escort. I was so hurt and in a state of shock. I was so torn between taking him back and not to, I know what is good for me but yet when it comes to it being me it’s so much harder. I ended up talking to him the next two days I ended up finding out that everything we argued he sought to hook up with someone, he had so many secret accounts of porn stars and strippers, he had a secret snap that while we were together he messaged a girl on three separate occasions. I’m still so hurt, I found out a lot about him, in each relationship he ended up texting other girls like this while with someone. It helped to know that this wasn’t my fault, that he had a lot of issues and it wasn’t just me not giving him enough attention and sex. The pain is still there, since it’s fresh, so many lies and secrets. He always thought I had things going on with my male friends but it ended up being him. I talked to him these two days after Monday and I told him that he needed help, to stop lying to stop the secrets, in the end it boils down to him being insecure. He’s insecure in himself and he feels like the person will leave, cheat, so he wants to have power and seeks attention from other girls. He has a lot of issues and insecurities that he put onto me. I didn’t start off as insecure as jealous but in this relationship I’ve grown to be. This is a long post, sorry, just wanted to rant. I am now trying to help him, deal with all his lies and insecurity by seeking to understand and love himself better so he won’t make the same mistake later on in life. I wish in a way I could take him back because I love him, but I know it’s not good for me. All I’m doing now is helping him overcome his issues as a friend. He saw a therapist today and that makes me so glad that hopefully he’ll be able to grow and mature from all this. He’s going to get tested Incase he received anything from having sex with the escort. I am still so hurt broken but little by little I’m feeling like I am not blaming myself for his actions that there was nothing I could of done, he would’ve eventually done this and had lied in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong I made a lot of mistakes but I never crossed the line of cheating. He said he loves me, but I honesty don’t think he ever did. He wants to change to be a better person for me or without me, and that makes me glad. I want him to get better but I don’t think I could ever put myself in a position to feel hurt again, my love for him is turning into one of friendship. I forgive him because it’s so much more easier than hating him. I guess, I just want to get stronger. I want to break contact but it’s hard when I love him... Link to post Share on other sites
TooBad Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 You don't need to help him. And you trying to help him will most likely not help him. Cut your losses and stop making excuses to stick around. Also, splitting your post into paragraphs might help people read. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 You don't need to help him. And you trying to help him will most likely not help him. Cut your losses and stop making excuses to stick around. Also, splitting your post into paragraphs might help people read. This ^^^^ 1000% Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 I know you are hurt and will struggle a lot to let go, but you can't help him, OP. You do need to start helping yourself, however. He is not who you want him to be. Your values don't line up, regardless of the reasons for it. Maybe he's insecure, or maybe he's just a very selfish man who doesn't want to give up the variety he craves. You have discovered that your and his definition of love is completely different. Your best move would be to step away. I know you said your feelings are turning into friendly ones, but honestly, I think you are still in serious denial and it hasn't entirely hit you yet. Also, please get yourself tested too. I would be very surprised if this was his first time to an escort. It's rare for someone to go from zero-to-prostitute, just like that. You don't really know if he's done this before, or slept with any other women you haven't discovered yet. Do not take the risk of taking his word for it. You need to make sure without a shadow of a doubt that you haven't been exposed to something. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 The text wall strikes again. Hopefully a mod will break this thing up since they like deleting quotes and things. Link to post Share on other sites
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