Baggins101 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) So a couple months ago i heard from my best friend that another guy we both know has been saying he had sex with my girlfriend, while we were together, the name rings a bell and i remember that my gf had been out with him drinking once when i was away for the weekend, at the time i had no problems with that, she should be able to do what she likes. they had met at a party a few weeks earlier, that i took her to, when they met she said he was very interested in her and she thought he was going to try to kiss her, she then accepted his friend request on social media and started talking to him quite a lot, so much that she was talking to me less, and she admitted to forming a deep connection with him talking about thing to him that we hadn't talked about and being interested in him. This communications went on for a few weeks unknown to me, then one weekend she was not coming to visit me because of something her mother needed her for, that same weekend this guy she had been talking to was going to be near her, she sent me a message and casually mentioned that she was going out with a few people and him, i asked who is he? and she said oh just a friend. then a couple weeks later the rumors start circulating, this guy is saying he has had sex with her and that they are in a relationship, it gets back to me. so i ask her about it. while i was confronting her she blocked him on social media, then deleted all the messages between them, i asked her if she had deleted the messages and she said she didn't, that they must have been removed when she blocked him, later i asked her again and she admitted to deleting them. The tricky part and the part that is doing my head in is that she denies ever having had sex with this guy, so he says that they went out drinking, went back to her place and had sex, he's very apologetic and tells me that she had told him we were over before they had sex. She says that they never had sex, they went out drinking, went back to hers and he just slept beside her in the bed, and that nothing happened, i asked her why she let him sleep in her bed and she said it would be awkward for him to sleep on the couch. i asked her why she didn't tell me that she had had him over and slept in her bed and she said she didn't want me to be upset with her. we have been together for a bit over a year and she has cheated on all her past boyfriends, but she told me that i was different and that she wanted to marry me, so i had believed that, but the fact that she lied to me about deleting the messages and had kept this 'friendship' hidden from me has really destroyed my trust, just looking for advice or people with similar experiences of that level of broken trust and what you might do. Cheers Edited March 18, 2019 by Baggins101 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 They definitely had sex. The only question here would be if it was consensual or not. Maybe she truly does not remember it because she was passed out drunk. But I doubt it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Yup They pounded ! Her story has so many holes, you can play golf. I can’t believe you are even wondering 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baggins101 Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 i know, when i lay the facts out my logical brain is like wtf, i guess that what love does, makes you a little blind 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Bud, "we're just friends" is the biggest lie told. You don't bring a guy back to your place after a lond deep and secretive contact to just sleep beside him. If you're smart you'll dump her. She's not relationship material. She thought you wouldn't find out and believes if she. Lies long enough it'll go away. It won't. There's nothing worse than having a gf you can't/don't trust. The capability is there so it may repeat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 they had met at a party a few weeks earlier, that i took her to, when they met she said he was very interested in her and she thought he was going to try to kiss her, she then accepted his friend request on social media and started talking to him quite a lot, so much that she was talking to me less, and she admitted to forming a deep connection with him talking about thing to him that we hadn't talked about and being interested in him. This communications went on for a few weeks unknown to me, then one weekend she was not coming to visit me because of something her mother needed her for, that same weekend this guy she had been talking to was going to be near her, she sent me a message and casually mentioned that she was going out with a few people and him, i asked who is he? and she said oh just a friend. He and she established an emotional connection because they were attracted to each other. She arranged for the meet up. It was planned. You weren't supposed to find out. About the worse thing you can do now is let your heart override your brain. If you don't let her go you'll regret it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Easier to just dump her. Best now then down the road when finances and children are involved. Even if she didn't have sex her behavior is still horrible. Just something to chew on, if they hadn't had sex wouldn't that be clear from thier conversations? She wiped them out so I guessing it made it clear they were more then friends. She doesn't need to confess for you to realize she isnt worth the effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 we have been together for a bit over a year and she has cheated on all her past boyfriends, but she told me that i was different and that she wanted to marry me, so i had believed that, but the fact that she lied to me about deleting the messages and had kept this 'friendship' hidden from me has really destroyed my trust, just looking for advice or people with similar experiences of that level of broken trust and what you might do. The best predictor of the future is past history. That zebra hasn't changed her stripes. You'll get this again if you stay with her 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 She is the perfect example of “once a cheater always a cheater”. Sorry dude but they had sex. That whole weekend not coming up to see you was because she had already planned on sleeping with the OM. Ditch her and find someone new, unless you like your girl screwing others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 I'm sorry, OP. I think it's very likely that she slept with him. She's cheated on all her other boyfriends. She'd been getting close to him before this particular weekend. She subsequently deleted messages and lied to you about that. The writing is on the wall here. Even in the unlikely event that she didn't have full intercourse with him, her behaviour is not conducive to a committed and monogamous relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 She's quite the liar, isn't she? Neeeexxxxxxxxxxt!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) She cheated. Note: even on the small chance they didn't have sex, she was still having an emotional affair. She stepped out of your relationship the night they met. Come on dude. You accepted her going out for drinks with a guy that tried to kiss her? Damn that's foolish. Oh well on the bright side this guy did you a favor...flushed her out, now she is exposed. She's a cheat and a liar. Edited March 18, 2019 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 You are actually never going to know for sure. However, given the circumstantial evidence & the fact that she has cheated on past BFs I can see why your level of trust is in the toilet. You have some hard choices to make. But if you no longer trust her, there is no reason to stick around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 She doesn't respect boundaries. She invited a guy to her place, and let him sleep in her bed. She's an adult, not 12. Sleep overs are for kids. You must be gutted. I hope you make the right decision here. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 DUMP AND MOVE ON!!! Your gf has no integrity!! I do not understand why you are on an internet forum asking how you can find out if she cheated. Pretty plain to see she is an avid liar/cheater and is an awful liar on top of it. Do what is best for yourself and move on quickly and swiftly. Dump her now!!! Go find a woman with integrity, you will be much happier and next time someone tells you that they have cheated on all their boyfriends do not make them your girlfriend, just be fwb with them. This will save a lot of problems for you. I wish you the best 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yololin Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Yup. A cheater. She has habits and is not aware of them. She meeds to reflect on her priorities and decide what she wants, who she needs to be and what needs to change to get her there. A record of cheating Indicates poor moral character and a lack of restraint. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Let's take her story as the gospel truth. She still has very bad boundaries even if all she did is let some drunk guy sleep in her bed. Are you two supposed to be exclusive? Have you had that talk and both agreed not to see other people? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 i know, when i lay the facts out my logical brain is like wtf, i guess that what love does, makes you a little blind So not only did she bang him - she started inappropriately communicating with him - and she’s lied to you on numerous occasions. Get rid of her! You deserve way better. She doesn’t know how to be commuted and faithful. She has a LOT of growing up to do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Considering that you guys were together for a little over a year and she came with a history of cheating on all her previous partners I would strongly advise you to get tested for STD's. Who knows what she gave you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 No woman who respects her boyfriend or the relationship she is in would let another man share a bed with her even if you take her at her word that that is all that happened. I don't believe her. Two adults, after a night of drinking, in bed together, yeah, they had sex. She cheated on you and she planned it. She deleted all the messages because had you seen them, it would have been a slam dunk case. She's not a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 You'll never be sure. What you can be sure of is you don't/can't trust her. Not worth the hassle. There are women in the world that aren't like that (have very low 'boundaries'). Find one. She definitely isn't it. If you stay with her you are 100% guaranteed to have trust issues with her again. Run. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 They definitely had sex. The only question here would be if it was consensual or not. Maybe she truly does not remember it because she was passed out drunk. But I doubt it. Definitely had sex. How do you know that she cheated on all of her past BF's? Do you know that past behavior is a good indication, predictor, of future behavior? You gut knows the truth that they had sex. Deleting all the evidence indicates that. Those that having nothing to hide, hide nothing. Time to get a polygraph test. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 OP, adding to the essentially unanimous advice above, please please do yourself a HUGE favor and do not marry this woman! Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Op, if you believe her I have some dog shyt I'd like to sell you. Interested? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 (edited) How do i find out if she cheated? Trust your gut. What is it telling you? If you can't trust your own judgment, then you can't trust anyone else's. But if you really want to know--get them both in the same room and put the story out on the table, sit back and observe the hellstorm of them denying/insisting it's true. And get it on video. (you could call that "cheaters" program and have them set the whole thing up. It's rather entertaining when the cheater gets caught) Edited March 29, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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