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Don't wanna be possessive


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 10th March 2019, 10:54 PM   #1
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Don't wanna be possessive

So recently I got into an unofficial relationship w my female bestfriend. She's attractive & fun girl, the bouncy types. And yesterday she asked me if I mind her going out with another guy for a movie.I said no. And tbh I really don't have any problem with her going out with him. So I just told her that it should be one-off thing and it shouldn't escalate. And I also said that I don't mind it, we aren't even dating. The thing that bugs me is, from where we come from. Dating in teenage years isn't really accepted overall. So the prob is, when we had made a plan to go to a movie, she said she couldn't come bc she doesn't know what her mom will say. I was cool. And the next time we planned, she watched the movie w her guy bestfriend stating the missed the movie which they planned so they watched this instead. So I asked her yesterday if you're gng w this guy today, what will you say to your mom? She said an excuse. I asked her why couldn't you come up w one when we were supposed to go. We eventually had a long fight. She says she's ready to make plans w me, but the last time she thought I wasn't making a serious plan. I don't wanna come off as possessive but it really does mess with my head about how she can go w the other guy. I'm not stopping her but perhaps she should do this less often once we are in a relationship since she's doing things she should do w a boyfriend w others.
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Old 11th March 2019, 10:37 AM   #2
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Having a unofficial relationship is not something you can handle. You can't help the way you feel so A) make it official with her or B) dump her. If she says no, she's gonna keep seeing guys anyways, and she has no intention of ever dating you. That's the reality.
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:10 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kylian8675 View Post
I'm not stopping her but perhaps she should do this less often once we are in a relationship since she's doing things she should do w a boyfriend w others.
Sorry bud, I don't see that happening.

It was a **** test and you failed.

Thats OK though, **** tests are bull**** and childish, start looking for someone real.
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:16 AM   #4
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What the heck is an "unofficial relationship"?

I hate to burst your bubble man, but this girl is not looking to actually make you her boyfriend. Her options are being kept open for another guy to take that role.
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Old 6th April 2019, 7:35 PM   #5
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There's no such thing as "unofficial relationship". Sorry son but this is not goinv to end well for your mental health.
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Old 22nd April 2019, 8:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
this girl is not looking to actually make you her boyfriend
I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, but I'm wondering why she asked him if he minded her going out with another guy, if she doesn't want him to be her BF. I think it's possible that Orokotikki was right, about it being a **** test. She might have been hoping he would tell her he does mind, and that he wants to be her BF. It's hard to know, though.
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Old 22nd April 2019, 8:47 PM   #7
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You said yourself you're not ever dating. So you're not dating her. So she's dating this other guy apparently. How old are you guys?

You can't even be exclusive if you're not even dating. So if you want a girlfriend, you have to date her and she has to be able to date. You have no claim over her if you haven't dated her and kissed her and she kissed back, too. So date her, and then if that goes well and you're kissing and stuff, then you eventually ask if she'll be exclusive. Until then, she can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants and so can you.

If you are just hanging around but not kissing or anything, you are an orbiter, not a boyfriend.
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Old 23rd April 2019, 3:17 PM   #8
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I'm gonna say you are friend zoned. She doesn't have the heart to tell you she is interested in being with other guy. That's why she will give you excuses and blow you off, while this guy gets special treatment. It's pretty damn obvious what's going on here.
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Old 30th April 2019, 11:50 AM   #9
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"unofficial relationship" = "I hover"
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Old 30th April 2019, 1:36 PM   #10
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Here's your wrong move and it was simple to fix.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kylian8675 View Post
And yesterday she asked me if I mind her going out with another guy for a movie. I said no. And tbh I really don't have any problem with her going out with him.
She asked you ... So the real answer--the answer could have said is "yes, I do have a problem with you going out with this guy. I want to go out with you. I don't want you hanging along with another guy."

You didn't tell her the truth.

And number, two ... the "tbe, I don't have a problem with her going out with him." That's not being honest with yourself.

Possessiveness and protectiveness is part of dating. You care. What you want to avoid is pathological possessiveness and obsessive, controlling possessiveness. But speaking your mind is absolutely required.

The way to go is to talk to her again ... and this time, don't accuse her ... instead, tell her that honestly you didn't feel comfortable with her going out. See what she says.

Dude, she came to you and asked the question. That's a sign of some respect and concern for her relationship with you. You just gave her a phony answer. And then got angry because of the result of your phony answer.

Sounds like you want to be exclusive ... so say so!
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