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Is this abusive behaviour?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 19th February 2019, 5:04 PM   #1
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Is this abusive behaviour?

Hi Everyone,

I’ve never posted on here before, but I am wanted to share my story and get some opinions.

A few months ago I met a guy on Tinder. Got talking to him, he seemed nice and was a bit of a charmer but whenever I suggested meeting, he always had an excuse. Alarm bells went off but stupidly I ignored them.

A few weeks down later and after some snooping online, I found out that he was in a relationship.
I told him that I knew and that I wanted nothing more to do with him.
All went quiet.

Until a few weeks ago, I got a message off him out of the blue saying he needed to talk to me. Cause I’m a bit soft, I decided to hear him out. He was crying down the phone that he missed me and needed me in his life and all this rubbish.
I let him go on and didn’t say anything. A few days later I got another text off him telling me he was going to kill himself. I couldn’t ignore it and got in touch with him. I told him that obviously I didn’t want him to do that, but that I didn’t want to hear off him anymore as he was a liar aand a cheater and to leave me alone.

I would then get rambling long voicemails left by him, crying and saying he needs me in his life as he has no friends blah blah blah.

I sent him one last message asking him to not message me again and I blocked his number

That was 3 months ago.

A few weeks ago I started getting witheld calls about 10 times a day and I also got a WhatsApp message off someone saying that they knew the guy I had met on tinder and his girlfriend and that I was a fat, ugly, I need to get a wash etc all these vile things.

I screenshot the message and unblocked the guy and sent it him and said that if I got anymore messages or calls I would be going to the police (not that I think they would even do anything). I then re blocked him.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a call off a mobile number I didn’t recognise. I answered and it was him. He said “I need to f***ing talk
to you!!!!” So I said “I’m in work I cannot talk” “well you better find somewhere you can f***ing talk then!!!”.
So I left my office and went into the corridor.
I asked him why he was ringing me off someone else’s phone and he went BALISTIC!!! When I say balistic, it was worse than that but I cannot find any other words to describe the outburst.

From what I could gather, his girlfriend has had some nasty messages from someone and has broken up with him. He’s put 2+2 together and come up with 5.

I have never had anything to do with his girlfriend and once I found out he was in a relationship, I cut ties (or tried to). I don’t know anything about her or even have a number for her.

He was SCREAMING down the phone “YOU F***KING B***H!! YOUVE RUIEND MY LIFE!!!!!!”.

I don’t know how, but I stayed calm and responded in a normal and polite manner.
I stated that I hadn’t done anything wrong and I don’t know who has messaged his girlfriend but it certainly wasn’t me.
I was then put on loudspeaker, where I could hear his mum mouthing off in the background calling me all sorts.

So I again, staying calm, I asked him why I too was getting messages sent me and witheld calls. He didn’t like that. He went off the scale. I’ve never been shouted at like that in my life. I let him carry on and he just lost the plot. I’m a b***h, i’ve Ruined his life etc etc. Then before I could say anything else he just started screaming “BYYYE BYYEE GO ON f**k off!! BYE” and his mum was shouting in the background “BYE YOU STUPID COW!!”. And I just hung up.

I felt bullied. I was shaking and on the brink of tears, and had to go back into my office and carry on my work.

I’m just shook up by it all. That phone call will haunt me forever. I’ve never heard someone lose it like that.

I was defenceless, minding my own business at work and got all that for no reason whatsoever. And I think the thing that turns my stomach the most is that his own mum was there chipping in, obviously only knowing what he’s told her, and he had his kids there aswell, shouting at a woman down the phone like that in the company of his children.

And saying I’ve ruined his life? I haven’t done anything! If anything I’ve done too much, listening to him going on about killing himself when it was probably only said for attention. A few people I know would have told him to get on with it! But I’m soft and have a conscience and he clearly needed someone to speak to.

But anyway Ive now changed my number.

I know I’ve had a lucky escape but I’m still shaken up by that call and the sheer aggression shown.


Could really do with a cuddle off someone right now!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 20th February 2019 at 7:35 AM..
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Old 19th February 2019, 8:43 PM   #2
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Lucky escape!! If you hear from him again get a non association/tresspass order out on him. My ex also threatened to kill himself one day while I was at work, I called the police and got them to do a welfare check on him, that gave him a wake-up call.
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Old 20th February 2019, 1:06 AM   #3
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Oh gosh, this guy is off his rocker...

Definitely keep him blocked and follow through with your threat to call the police and get a protection order if he contacts you again. I wouldn’t call it abuse, but I would call it harassment. He has been very threatening to you. That’s not ok.

I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is nothing you did. Unfortunately, this guy sounds rather unstable and he wouldn’t know how to respect a healthy boundary if he tried...
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Old 20th February 2019, 8:01 AM   #4
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Thanks for the replies guys. Itís good to have other people tell me I havenít done anything wrong, cause I stupidly think itís all my fault.
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:10 AM   #5
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Just echoing - but extricate yourself immediately - this sounds very abusive and such abuse can escalate quickly. Do not hesitate to involve law enforcement.
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Old 20th February 2019, 2:29 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyxDust View Post
Thanks for the replies guys. Itís good to have other people tell me I havenít done anything wrong, cause I stupidly think itís all my fault.
The good news is, you recognized these red flags and did not encourage/get yourself involved with this man. Others would not be so smart...
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Old 20th February 2019, 2:36 PM   #7
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Abusive??!! He's a candidate for the "macadamia ranch"
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Old 20th February 2019, 3:16 PM   #8
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Thanks for the replies. Iím still quite upset by it all. I thought he thought a bit more of me than to scream at me down the phone like that. It was horrible.
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Old 20th February 2019, 4:20 PM   #9
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Next time when things seem a little off or you find out they have been bs-ing you about things....block delete, and never look back. Be wise to do some background checking from now on.
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Old 20th February 2019, 6:13 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by FairyxDust View Post
I thought he thought a bit more of me than to scream at me down the phone like that.
You are quite determined to make is your fault, aren’t you.

This guy is clearly unbalanced. It has nothing to do with what he thought about you. His behavior is a reflection of him, not you.

Why exactly does the opinion of an unbalanced, abusive man that you hardly know matter to you...

Last edited by BaileyB; 20th February 2019 at 6:18 PM..
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