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My boyfriend has a female best friend


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 24th February 2019, 12:52 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph
I'd dig deeper about the sex part in the past though. I find it hard to believe it never happened.
Ok so let's say they had sex in the past. So what? You are not police of your partners past. I have more than a few close female friends that I have had sex with in the past and I dont sleep with them anymore or have any kind of romantic attraction anymore. I stopped sleeping with them for a reason. Yet they are important part of my life, they would help me get to work if my car died, help me in a financial emergency, bail me out of jail, the same as my male friends would do.. and I'd do the same for them.

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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You are being crazy. This is not a new relationship. They have a life time of memories together. After 3 decades if they wanted to be together, they'd be together & you never would have met him. Pre-existing friends, -- people who have been part of your new SO's life for years before you entered the picture -- are part of the package.<snip>
This. Pre-existing friends are part of the package. Your mistrust of this situation is a byproduct of your own insecurities, he has done nothing wrong, either has she.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 1:01 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote and fix spacing
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:05 PM   #17
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I have been single and friends with a couple. I dressed v un-sexily mostly but forgot one time (had a loose V-neck top on) so my friend calmly asked me to put my boobs away, which I did. We are all still friends.


Is she sexy, flouncing around - or - just an earnest well-wisher friend of your boyf?



I am reluctant to blame the OP for being insecure/jealous because we do not know if the friend is persistently sexy at her boyf or happy to look for a boyf elsewhere.



Ask her! Nicely, but ask... no law against it.

Last edited by darkmoon; 24th February 2019 at 1:13 PM..
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:13 PM   #18
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It smells fishy.
He had a crush on her, but yet somehow supposedly rejected HER sexual advances?? This sounds off... like he's blowing smoke up your... you know what.

Who knows what really happened. They may well have been together or hooked up. Do you think he's going to tell you? He's telling you there was sexual tension between them, and they were both attracted to each other. Hard to believe 'nothing happened.'

Besides, if your instincts are ringing, listen. You don't trust her. If you don't trust her you don't trust him by default, since there's nothing she can do to harm your relationship unless he goes for it. So the relationship is already on shaky ground.

Men and women can't be 'just friends', especially when young, and I'd be looking askance at any female who was hanging around my boyfriend no matter what they say. Unfortunately, since he's essentially choosing her over you, because let's face it, he'd likely dump you than lose his 'friend' you either have to put up with it or walk, because those are the only two options he's given you.

I wouldn't like my boyfriend calling another woman his 'best friend', either. You ought to be that.

Last edited by Fair; 24th February 2019 at 1:16 PM..
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:22 PM   #19
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I think the more threatening aspect of this friendship is the instability of the other woman's life. It's her constant moving in and out of living with him that invites the sexual advances and lack of appropriate boundaries. She has a sense of entitlement toward your BF that you are going to find very difficult to confront because he also does not appear to have good boundaries where this "friend" is concerned.

I think you're going to find her more like a spare tire (third wheel) in this relationship than a real friend.
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:24 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by crispytoast View Post
Ok so let's say they had sex in the past. So what? You are not police of your partners past.
She's not part of his past if she's still in his life. Any normal human being would be uncomfortable with this.


Modern dating is BS. Look at any successful relationship and you won't see any of this crap happening. Look at say, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw... best friends and a 100% completely united front, no exes hanging around, none of this b.s happening. If you want a good relationship you need to educate yourself on how it's done. People nowadays will tell you to put up with almost anything when asking for relationship advice but that's just Wrong. People need to give their heads a shake.

If you're uncomfortable with this situation OP, your boyfriend should at least CARE. He doesn't.
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:29 PM   #21
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I think you're going to find her more like a spare tire (third wheel) in this relationship than a real friend.
It sounds to me like the OP herself is the third wheel in this triad.
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:41 PM   #22
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She might not be in the past but my point is, the sex would be. I used to see things how you see them so I get it, but I simply don't agree.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are also very conservative and that's a conservative way to look at relationship. It works for some people, and if it works for you, great! I am not threatened by my partners' past sexual partners because I know my partner is with me. I know that I provide quality of life that past partners did not provide, I know that I provide pleasure that they cannot provide.


Ok so for OP, I have question for you to ask yourself. When was last time you ****ed your man, I mean like thoroughly ****ed him? Set aside a night and build up to it, then blow his mind and if he's worth it he will blow yours back, and believe me you are the one he is thinking about at night.

Last edited by crispytoast; 24th February 2019 at 1:46 PM..
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:54 PM   #23
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She might not be in the past but my point is, the sex would be. I used to see things how you see them so I get it, but I simply don't agree.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are also very conservative and that's a conservative way to look at relationship.
She doesn't know for sure the sex is in the past. It doesn't sound much like it really is.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are doing things right, that's why their relationship works. Any body with an ounce of common sense wouldn't be inviting other men/women (Ex's) to hang around and eff up a relationship they valued.


As I said OP, people today will tell you to put up with almost ANYTHING. Don't buy into it. You owe it to yourself to be happy.
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Old 24th February 2019, 2:19 PM   #24
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We really don't have enough information to know. We can assume either way or we can slow down for a second and not assume things at all. You clearly have an idea in your head of what you think is, and you are going to read into OPs post how you think because she is posting from a point of suspicion herself. I think it's fair for her to be suspicious but not to make assumption, and if she assumes something is that isn't and acts on those assumption, she could very well sabotage what otherwise could've been a fulfilling relationship.


And by the way, you know there's many kinds more of relationship that work than that of a pair of conservative Christian country stars, right? And how their relationship might be is not necessary to be the only desired relationship archetype of everyone? Obviously you have admiration for them and I respect that in you but it is wrong to assume everyone wants that or that it is the only way that works. Just like I am nonmonogamous and I don't assume that it is the only way that works or that many others want the same thing. However, her man seems at least to believe that he should be allowed to have platonic friendships with members of the opposite gender (which does not equate to nonmonogamy I add), and if OP is threatened by that without proof of any actual wrongdoing, perhaps he is not the right man for her. And by this I don't mean she should put up with it, much more that if it doesn't work for her, she should not put up with it and leave, because imo it would be selfish to either put up with it and resent the friendship or to request that he end a friendship with 30 years of history over a suspicion either.

Last edited by crispytoast; 24th February 2019 at 2:21 PM..
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