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Should i trust him?

Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 12th February 2019, 4:04 PM   #1
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Should i trust him?

My husband is constantly texting a female coworker. Weíve been married 8 years and heís given me reasons in the past not to trust him. His company recently has been searching to fill a vacant spot and he constantly talked about the search until one day he just went quiet. Come to find out they had hired a lady to fill the position and thatís who heís been texting at night and on weekends. We have a 3 year old and 4 month old and he will make them wait to text her. He also goes on overnight business trips with her which heís on this entire week and has led to a huge fight because he didnít tell me she was going, only his boss and another coworker but sheís there. Heís very jumpy if i ever touch his phone and is erasing messages because he says they are just friends but if heís texting any girl at all i will get mad even though thereís nothing going on. When i say anything he becomes defensive and says i donít trust him and Iím pushing him away. No matter how many times i tell him itís not right he somehow spins it back as being my fault for not trusting him and that he doesnít have a problem with me texting guy friends. I donít know what else to do or say but Iím at a breaking point! Help!
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Old 12th February 2019, 4:13 PM   #2
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Keep your suspicions to yourself and get enough evidence to satisfy yourself.
secure your finances and consult a professional to understand your future legal options.

Obvious EA which is always likely enough to be a PA - especially if they work together.

They're always "just friends" unless irrefutable proof.

Sorry you're here - best of luck to you
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Old 12th February 2019, 4:56 PM   #3
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It all looks very suspicious. Review the cell phone bills. Keyloggers & private detectives are your friends.
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Old 12th February 2019, 6:28 PM   #4
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none of what you have described is ok, at least it wouldn't be for me. he will only listen when you show him what you mean and end it with him- just stop listening to his BS and do a 180, he knows what he's doing is wrong.

sorry, divorce is not easy, but living with this behavior is a worse nightmare.
This above all: To thine own self be true
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Old 12th February 2019, 6:30 PM   #5
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No you shouldn't trust him. With the way he's behaving I don't blame you for your suspicions and worries. It is quite odd that he's texting her outside work hours.. and even on weekends? He puts his kids second and her first.. what does that tell you?

Don't trust this guy. Prepare for the worst. Think about what you're going to do if the marriage ends. Confront him if you find solid evidence. Or confront his earlier. He's your husband, your partner, your kid's father. If he loves you, he'll prove to you he's trust worthy. If he gets angry, then yeah.. it's quite unfortunate for you.
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Old 12th February 2019, 6:50 PM   #6
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I can definitely say donít trust him. I am guilty of doing the same thing to some extent. I said we were just friends too and was probably in some form an EA. I did the whole delete text thing too. If itís somethkng youíre wife canít see you probably shouldnít have sent it.
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Old 13th February 2019, 2:18 PM   #7
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Not saying anything new, but, yeah, he's not trustworthy.
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Old 13th February 2019, 7:48 PM   #8
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Emotional affair at best.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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Old 15th February 2019, 7:59 PM   #9
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Time to hide a VAR in WH's car. You will get your evidence.
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Old 19th March 2019, 1:09 PM   #10
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I've read in several places that being open about having a crush with your SO is a better approach than trying to hide it/deny it. YMMV. There was a post on reddit about how to handle crushes for people in long term committed relationships fwiw.
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Old 19th March 2019, 2:04 PM   #11
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Make a surprise appearance at work looking your best with babies in tow and make your presence known. This could backfire on you. But what could also happen is this: She sees him deferring to you and ignoring her while you're there and doesn't like that a bit because she thought he'd leave you for her. Which is probably false. They want to keep both as a rule. Bring him a food treat as an excuse, but if he privately asks you, tell him you wanted to make sure she knows the guy whose time she's taking up texting has a family to raise.

Had a family photo taken lately? Bring that to him and put it on his desk. You're the wife and mother of his kids. You have a right to mark your territory. If it pushes him over the brink, then he was already over the brink anyway.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 24th March 2019, 4:41 PM   #12
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Always follow the money. Right now, instead of falling apart, you need to become laser focused on getting your financial ducks in a row for you and your babies. That means figure out where the money is and what it's being spent on. Get to your bank's web page and go through your accounts.

Pay attention to inconsistencies--he's going to attempt to play you to the left while he thinks he's being slick pulling one over on you.

Unfortunately, he's going to deny, lie and gaslight you until his actions are forced into the light by the truth... and it will happen because the nature of truth is that it cannot stayed buried.

Are you prepared to act upon the truth when it shows up?
What are you expecting to do once it's confirmed?
Do you have a plan?
Are you getting anything in order should this become your reality quickly?

Do not approach her or try to contact her. You will only be revealing your desperation. The severe consequences you apply has to only do with what he will lose behind the shame of being judged a typical, stupid cheater who can't keep it in his pants.

Instead, embrace your indignation at having your intelligence insulted by his lameness to you, your family and the esteem of your marriage and do what you need to do to protect your babies.
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
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