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How to become unattracted to someone you shouldn't be attracted to?!


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 9th February 2019, 2:14 PM   #1
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Question How to become unattracted to someone you shouldn't be attracted to?!

Hey guys,

I suppose I'm just looking for a little advice and to see if anyone has been in a similar situation that can help.

I have recently started a new job and have found myself more and more attracted to someone at work. The problem is that he's married and he's my boss. Not only my boss but the director of the company.

Now, nothing is going to happen. Luckily I'm strong-willed and know that it's wrong and could get very messy. But I just can't stop thinking about him(sexually and otherwise) and there is a huge sexual attraction there. Does anyone know any way to distract your mind from someone that you know is not for you?!
It's clear he feels the vibe too but I'm sure he's a good guy and would never cheat. Some of the conversations we've had are a bit too familiar for an employee and director. Not to mention the fact I've only been there for 4 weeks.

Unfortunately his desk is opposite mine so there's no way of avoiding him.
His wife is a solid 10/10 and I'm only pushing a 6 on a good day so I don't get it anyway!
I'm pretty sure this attraction is wanted by neither of us but it is definitely there. The chemistry is unreal.

I suppose what I'm really asking is, how do you get over someone that is a constant distraction?

Any advice welcome
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Old 9th February 2019, 2:23 PM   #2
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Self talk.

Everyday say he's inappropriate for me to date because he's my married boss. He has to be ugly to me.


Now go find somebody else to obsess about.
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Old 9th February 2019, 2:50 PM   #3
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lol I had this problem one time and every time I had to talk to him.... all my words came out wrong...backwards and all mixed up and I would turn bright red in the face. lol... I have no clue if he ever knew or not. Luckily he was not the type of manager to micro manage so I just stayed away from him. I was able to work for him for 2 years.
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Old 9th February 2019, 3:06 PM   #4
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One of these days he's going to climb up your butt about something at work and maybe that will do it.
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Old 9th February 2019, 3:06 PM   #5
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Focus on the work, always. If you get distracted by his deliciousness, just let it run through you like sh*t through a goose. "Ooh - hot!" and then move on.

Also keep in mind that FEELINGS ARE FICKLE and are NOT a good guide to follow in conducting your life. Your feelings toward your boss will change eventually, if you stay on the right path and don't mess with this. They may fade into a nice friendship or professional collaboration with him... or fade into nothing. Just let it be.

It takes a lot of discipline and hard (internal) work and consistency, but once you've mastered it - staying on the right path and not acting on your TEMPORARY feelings - with one guy, it's much easier to maneuver things the next time you run right smack into the next inappropriate hot guy. And trust me - more will be coming along.
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Old 9th February 2019, 3:35 PM   #6
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Is there a way to become unattracted to someone... I don’t think there is, honestly.

That said, attraction is a feeling. And feelings, are fleeting and they don’t require action.

I would need only remind myself the consequences of acting on this feeling, and it would be enough to remind me to put my head down and get my work done. Full stop.
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Old 9th February 2019, 7:22 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missk30 View Post
Unfortunately his desk is opposite mine so there's no way of avoiding him. His wife is a solid 10/10 and I'm only pushing a 6 on a good day so I don't get it anyway!
I don't mean to be crass, but his wife very well may be a 10, but she lacks the ability to morph into someone ELSE and therein lies the thrill for this cad. She may be beautiful, but she's too familiar to him. Sexually, you're brand spanking new to him. A new toy.

Don't be too flattered when a married man is hitting on you. He's not 'in love' with you and he doesn't give a rat's ass what your hopes and dreams are or what's in your heart. He simply wants to get himself a strange piece of ass on the side that's different from what he's already got at home, and for most women, that's hardly the thing dreams are made of.

Be flattered all you want, but don't disrespect yourself by becoming just another workplace notch on Prince Charming's belt. Well SURELY you don't think you're the first one he's worked his charms on, do you? Oh, he'll probably try to TELL you that, but I'm sure he tells all of the naive young ladies he hits on that they're the first ones he's ever hit on.

LOL.

Not.
Even.
Close.
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Old 9th February 2019, 7:35 PM   #8
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In time you will start noticing annoying and unattractive things about him. Focus on those. Don't let yourself daydream about him or build him up to be some romantic ideal. Don't buy yourself a world of hurt and trouble.

Maybe you're bored - as soon as some new attractive guy catches your attention you'll move on.
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Old 11th February 2019, 8:26 AM   #9
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if you try to deny feelings for some it makes it worse.....personally i let myself feel what i feel i just know i cant act on it because its wrong...and i dont.

chocolate cake however....or soft drink...different story..u can have cheat days..or one day at least.....deb
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Old 14th February 2019, 4:34 PM   #10
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The trick is to stop or push down those feelings when they arise. The more you do it the easier it will get. Down the road you with stop and ask yourself.."What the hell did I see in that guy anyway?"
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Old 15th February 2019, 2:48 AM   #11
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Be strong and don't let yourself feel the feelings. Don't fantasize about him, think about him in the way. Focus on work and keep things professional. It's one thing to chat and be friendly but it's another to flirt or exchange looks.

It's a crush and one that cannot go anywhere. Keep telling yourself you're not going to ruin YOUR reputation and professional career over your cute married boss.

Don't contact him outside of work!

Keep busy and get out and date others!
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Old 15th February 2019, 5:10 AM   #12
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when i said i allow myself to feel my feelings and not act on them i am not writing about married men...i mean if i am attracted to a guy who isnt right for me...deb
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Old 15th February 2019, 6:43 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
In time you will start noticing annoying and unattractive things about him. Focus on those. Don't let yourself daydream about him or build him up to be some romantic ideal. Don't buy yourself a world of hurt and trouble.
Yes, I agree.

You still barely know him, OP, which means you haven't yet had much chance to learn about his unappealing characteristics.

For all you know, he could be really into dressing up like My Little Pony on the weekends, or recording himself playing the kazoo to Clay Aitken's greatest hits. Maybe he's a huge jerkwad at Customer Service kiosks and yells for the manager. The point is that what you see at work is only a fraction of who he truly is.

There is bound to be something that you will learn about him that tarnishes the shine you are currently blinded by.
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Old 24th February 2019, 9:00 PM   #14
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Seems this was a drive by.. thread closed until the thread starter returns
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