JohnGoober Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Just found out that my partner of 5 years has been cheating on me regularly from the past 3 years. I did 3 years of online relationship and visited her a few times before deciding to move here. We spent 2 years dating in person, she was horrible and abusive in the beginning but gradually changed. She asked me to clean her apartment and organize things (which I love doing). I ended up finding her old phone, my gut feeling told me to check whats inside so I checked. She has been regularly having unprotected sex. She never wanted to do that with me which is fine. She never introduced me to her friends, I almost broke up twice but she assured me she will introduce soon. I am devastated, I don't know what to do.. I have been having anxiety attacks since yesterday. She shared her apartment keys with me, she said she loved me but I don't understand. I don't know if they still meet up for sex but I found out he's married.. I am wondering if I should contact him to get some closure. She even asks me when I would propose to her. I was saving up for a ring to propose after she introduced me to friends and family. I will be meeting her tomorrow to return her keys, tell her my goodbye but I want closure, what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Closure? You've got all the closure you need. Give her the keys back and leave permantley. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnGoober Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Closure? You've got all the closure you need. Give her the keys back and leave permantley. Yes, I am meeting her tomorrow to return her keys, the things she gave me and leave forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Don't meet with her... she will just try and convince you you are crazy. Drop the key in her mailbox or have someone else drop it off. Find out who the married guy is and informhis wife - she deserves to know who she's married to and that she's been exposed to diseases. If possible - tell the wife in person so he can't intercept the info she needs to know. Don't tell the gal you're dating you are going to expose the affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnGoober Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Don't meet with her... she will just try and convince you you are crazy. Drop the key in her mailbox or have someone else drop it off. Find out who the married guy is and informhis wife - she deserves to know who she's married to and that she's been exposed to diseases. If possible - tell the wife in person so he can't intercept the info she needs to know. Don't tell the gal you're dating you are going to expose the affair. Why would she call me crazy? I took screenshots of her cheating. Yes, I will be contacting his wife instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) Why would she call me crazy? I took screenshots of her cheating. Yes, I will be contacting his wife instead. I can't speak for S2B, but the common pathology among cheaters is that they lie, manipulate and often try to turn things against you, making you seem or feel like you're the problem. Sometimes they'll also say bat**** crazy stuff just to rationalize or justify their actions. You won't find closure by talking to her or listening to her excuses or lies or justifications. The closure comes from within you, further down the road during the grieving process. In no particular order, you're going to go through: Bargaining, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. Somewhere during that roller coaster of emotions during the grieving process, you're going to find closure. It will come from within and you won't care or want to hear what she has to say. You said she was abusive toward you when you first moved in. I think if you stick around to get closure, she's going to hurt you far worse, emotionally. The best thing that you can do for yourself right now, is to cease contact with her. And like everyone else said, please don't meet with her to say any goodbyes. You'd be kind enough if you left her keys in the mailbox. Edited November 23, 2018 by Logo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 She says that she loves you/gives you the keys, so her apartment can be kept clean and organized and whatever else you do for her....she's a manipulator/user type that hunts for guys like yourself that are easily lied to and persuaded to do almost anything for. The writing was on the window a long time ago but you refused to see it. There's a girl out there that deserves someone like you, that knows your value. I wish you luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 She never introduced me to her friends, I almost broke up twice but she assured me she will introduce soon. The fact that she has not introduced you to her friends after 5 years means that she was not actually your partner. Once you are in a relationship with a real partner, you will fully understand what I am saying. Somewhere out there is a person that would wake up everyday thanking God that you are in their life. A person that wants to share their entire life with you. Once you experience this, you will look back at your current non-partner and wondered why you settled for less for so many years. You cannot get those wasted years back, but you can stop wasting more years. Move on and do not look back. The sooner you start looking for a real partner, the sooner that you will find them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Yes, I am meeting her tomorrow to return her keys, the things she gave me and leave forever. Sounds like your best move. Stop expecting that you will get some sort of closure / understanding / explanation / insight from this last meeting. She doesn't have the words to heal you & even if she does somebody who was abusive to you in the beginning who cheated on you for 3 years would probably withhold that last kindness out of spite. The closure will come with the closed door. That is it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 Aside from the cheating, which is huge, I find it a huge red flag that you’ve never met her family and friends, don’t you? Didn’t you ever think that was weird? You never went to any family stuff with her? I wonder what she told her friends and family, unless she was bringing someone else to those things? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 Why would she call me crazy? I took screenshots of her cheating. Yes, I will be contacting his wife instead. Because it puts you on the defense and her on the offensive. Also because she doesn't intend to take responsibility for what SHE has done! Which means that she's not sorry she did it... likely just sorry shegot caught. Get rid of her as quickly as possible... Link to post Share on other sites
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