Wireless Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Hello I am currently thinking about an issue with my boyfriend that took place the first month we were together. He worked in a restaurant and a client added him on Facebook (his name is on the restaurant's website, so she could easily find it). I asked him and he said they didn't talk in the restaurant. But since he served her table, he recognized her when she sent the friend request and he accepted. She sent him a message and he immediately told me, asking if he should answer. I said he could choose what he wanted to do, so he answered. The conversation was really short and it was basically she asking a couple questions and he answering really short with yes or no. Just in the beginning he had asked how she was doing, in reply to when she asked him first, because he wanted to be polite he said. It was really clear that he was not interested when you see the conversation and he didn't reply anymore after a few messages. He also sent me a screenshot of the conversation immediately. When I asked him why he answered, he said me it was for two reasons. First, because he wanted to be nice to a client and he thought she could make a reservation. Second, because he wanted to make me a bit jealous and see how I would react. At the time, we were playing a little bit in making each other jealous. I didn't really make a problem of this at the time, since it was obvious he was not interested. But now I'm thinking about this and I cannot let it go. Did he do wrong in answering the message? Should he have just ignored her? Am I overthinking and overreacting? Thank you in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) When I asked him why he answered, he said me it was for two reasons. First, because he wanted to be nice to a client and he thought she could make a reservation. Second, because he wanted to make me a bit jealous and see how I would react. At the time, we were playing a little bit in making each other jealous. Did he do wrong in answering the message? Should he have just ignored her? Am I overthinking and overreacting? This is very childish. Hopefully you two have dropped that silly game. What sort of things did you do to intentionally make him jealous? Him replying to her might have been his misguided way of giving you a taste of your own medicine, if you'd previously tried to provoke him. Maybe I'm getting older, but I can't really see a reason why he would bother accepting a request from a random patron, let alone messaging with her. I would imagine they did talk some, but it might not have been anything off-colour. She probably just thought he was cute and wanted to try her luck. As such, it would have been better to just ignore the request, yes. But I'm curious why this is bothering you now, months later, when you'd previously let it go. How has your relationship been going lately? Is there something else bothering you, causing you to see this specific episode through a different filter? EDIT: I just realized I participated in your last thread. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/668361-my-boyfriend-took-picture-other-females-work Is this bothering you now because he recently took a photo with a customer too? I gather they are not the same customers, correct? Edited November 6, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) I saw your other recent thread https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/668361-my-boyfriend-took-picture-other-females-work In that thread, you say that the relationship has been plagued with issues regarding your jealousy. But in this thread, you talk about jealousy games between you. What's actually going on? Edited November 6, 2018 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireless Posted November 6, 2018 Author Share Posted November 6, 2018 Thank you for the responses. Jealousy game was maybe the wrong word. It was just during the first month of our relationship that an old friend/flirt and my ex contacted me. I just replied to be polite, nothing more than a little bit of small talk. I should have ignored these messages. I told my boyfriend about it and I think he just wanted to make me feel the same way for one time. This is the only thing that happened to make each other intentionally jealous. For the rest we never did this again. He also said after that he was wrong to answer and he wouldn't do this again. No, this is not the same girl from the photo. I don't know why this is bothering me months later. I can have moments where this just jumps into my mind and spins around all day. Our relationship is not going so well lately, since I have shown some really obsessive and jealous behavior (e.g. forbid him to talk to a female coworker or keep contact with female friends). He has adressed that he has enough of this and something has to change. I'm doing my best to be not like this and just trust him. But this is really difficult for me, i feel like i am on a constant mission to find signs that he is lying or cheating, even though I find nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Do you feel you deserve a good relationship? I ask, because it seems like you are searching for reasons to sabotage this one. Or, is the jealousy issue something you've experienced in most of your prior relationships? If so, then it is a serious issue, and will get in the way of you having any good relationships, unless dealt with. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Our relationship is not going so well lately, since I have shown some really obsessive and jealous behavior (e.g. forbid him to talk to a female coworker or keep contact with female friends). He has adressed that he has enough of this and something has to change. I'm doing my best to be not like this and just trust him. But this is really difficult for me, i feel like i am on a constant mission to find signs that he is lying or cheating, even though I find nothing. And what exactly are you doing to help yourself with this? This sort of behaviour is often deeply-ingrained and cannot just be willed into submission. Have you considered speaking to a counselor? As I mentioned, my ex was very irrationally jealous. It eventually ended the relationship as I just couldn't deal with it anymore. You're headed in the same direction if you don't take some concrete steps now to get it under control. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 We can only give you advice, but we cannot give you therapy in how to resolve your emotional/jealousy issues...please seek counseling. We can't do anymore for you here. Have you not noticed you have several thread about the same thing? You keep pressing the button, but nothing is happening.You are just going around in circles. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I think that hes not doing anything wrong. cos he wouldnt of show you the messages. Guys that cheat aways try cover them selfs. Link to post Share on other sites
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