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How to cope with irrationally not trusting partner?


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I was cheated on by my last ex. My current girlfriend cheated on her last ex also. I have horrible trust issues.

 

I don't have many REAL reasons to doubt her. But now after 3 years together I feel like she is all the sudden less interested in me and gonna cheat or already did.

 

Once she said that I am boring to her sometimes, so when she goes out with her guy friends I constantly think she is trying to find somebody who it really interesting for her.

 

I am very paranoid now. Logically I know I don't have any real reason to blame her, but inside it's just a mess.

 

I tried to cope with these feeling for a long time, but I can't. They are eating me alive 24/7. I feel like it's affecting my mental health in a very bad way. Also I want to be with her badly, but I know it won't work out if I don't fix this issue of mine.

Edited by Empower
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You do have a reason not to trust her. Never ignore your feelings because they are your unconscious way of warning you all is not right... If she is going to cheat, you can't stop her. Think of it this way: Would you rather she cheat now, or after 10 years of marriage, 3 kids, and totally interlocked lives and finances...? If she cheats on you now, you can simply, if painfully, dump her. The other way, not so easy and involving much more pain. Good luck.

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It sounds like jealousy is only part of the issue here.

 

When did she tell you that you're boring to her, and in what circumstances did she reveal this? How often is she going out with guy friends?

 

I am trying to get a sense of whether you truly are being jealous for no tangible reason, or if there is cause for concern about your relationship in general.

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Advice: She's telling you something......pay attention to her....like romance her, make her feel desired. Fix this by doing things that would surprise her....get creative.

 

 

Warning: red flag: if things like this make you feel uncomfortable, you shouldn't date someone that has a history of cheating, or has a bunch of orbiters. Best of luck to ya.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I too tend to doubt that your distrust it totally irrational. I’ve been cheated on plenty and I’ve been with people who made me feel totally secure in the relationship after that. Trust your gut.

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