JVort Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) I’ve shared on here before that my GF has had a pattern of inappropriate texting behavior. She’s allowed her ex to text her asking if he can come over, if she missed him, can they meet etc. She tells me that she doesn’t respond but I know she says no or no thank you and has before told him her daughter has asked about him. She says she told him about me but he continued and she won’t block him. Another man sends selfies and asks Her on trips. She admits she’s flirted with this man. Recently she friended a man at a group and they exchanged number and I’m like here we go again. I told her he would become inappropriate soon as my intuition has told me. She mentioned that he sent daily meditations which she showed me on the texts and the one day I saw a message come in that said the meeting was good but would be better if you were there. This has become a pattern of behavior and I had become angered and concerned so one day her phone was left out so I checked her messages. I know this was wrong but I felt so violated I did a bad thing. I found two of the men clearky flirting with Her and she didnt respond. The new guy with the texts she shows me that they were meditations I look for and now the thread has been totally deleted and my stomach sinks. I bring all this up and tell her I can’t do this unless she addresses it and ask about the erased text and she deflects. It seems to me she is breadcrumbing these men to gain attention. I think I have no choice but to think something is going on. If not physical infidelity than emotional . What do you guys think? Edited July 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 She's not relationship material. Quit wastingg your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 If you cared about yourself more you’d leave her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 I think this pattern is repeating too often & you lost all trust. Without trust you don't have the proper foundation for a relationship. Since she is not going to change you have 3 choices: 1. Let it go, knowing that she will always be like this. 2. break things off with her because this behavior makes you crazy 3. Sit there & seethe, making both of you miserable. Only one of those makes any sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thingsfallapart Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Been there, done that, got the scars... This only gets worse for you and soon she will be sexting and sending sexual pics and then she’ll start meeting them and cheating on you. Trust me - walk away before she does damage that will mess you up for months and months Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 You need to just end it, OP. This woman is not committed to you and not relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Common...Why are you wasting your time with her? She's not girlfriend material. Tell her it's not working for you and wish her all the best. Then block her. Link to post Share on other sites
lostmyway82 Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Before you go about how it is wrong to check your girl messages again let me put this to you. If you were and was her man you have every right to check her messages. And if you are a man, you won't give two fk about it. It's wrong that she is flirting with other men but she is doing it anyway. If the two man have her number, it's quite clear that she gave out her number to them else there wouldn't be a flirt to start with. It's when she didn't reply, is when she might be already fking them. The fact that she is a single mom raises a major red flag, women with excess baggage are rarely the best kind of partner you want to be looking for. It's very clear they are poor decision maker and have poor choice of taste in men that lead them to where they are. Yes she is probably bread crumbing those men to gain attention. But think about it, if she does that it means she actually find them quite fkable. The way I see it, she just put you into 3rd place and she is letting the two other dudes battle it out. Winner takes all. Or maybe get into a royal rumble with the two of them. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 I know you are thinking there must be someone on here that has a way to make her own it and stop this behavior. In a way there might be. Her brain needs to be fluffed up with attention and you are not doing it for her...she's BORED. You are either not paying the right type of attention to her, or not giving her enough attention, not stimulating her intellectually, you have gotten too comfortable, you let yourself go, don't bother to try and impress her anymore, don't lust after her to make her feel desired, maybe you are too clingy, too sappy, not buff enough, not taking her out as much, things are in a rut, sex got routine, etc. Figure it out, and then make some changes in the way you interact with her. There that's all I can give you. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JVort Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 Smackie9 I know you have the best intentions here and I agree it’s always good to look inside to make sure I could improve. It’s a good exercise. But I think it’s a large assumption on your part in this case and couldnt be further from the truth. Most importantly, there is no excuse for emotionally infidelity. None. I’ve done nothing but live the commitment I’ve made to her the last 6 months. First off, the sex is the best we’ve both ever had and we are in our 40s. It’s amazing! No one else is even close.,But She is going through something so I’ve tried to pick up the slack. I’ve cooked for her, taken her to dinner multiple times, helped clean up. Run errands. Bought flowers, wrote cards. Given her massages. Anything I could think of to support her. I’ve lost 10lbs and I’m more passionate now than when we first started dating. Of course I’ve made mistakes but I’ve gone above and beyond. The truth is this is a woman who has a pattern of this behavior of staying in touch with her exes, not telling them she is in a relationship and not setting boundaries when they are inappropriate. She allows this to go on and on and I don’t deserve that. And I don’t want a woman who needs male attention. She’s even lately increased her male attention load with a new guy who she says she’s sharing meditations with and shows me a screenshot of the thread and when I check her phone the entire thread is deleted. So I know there were texts there now none? What does that mean to you? I would love to hear. What you have etc say? What it tells me as she’s doesn’t delete massages with the other men even when they flirt with her and that one stepped over the line and was incriminating. she said something she shouldn’t have so it had to go. There can be no other explanation. As I said maybe I’m missing something. Point is I’ve given 1000% and this is how she operates. I’ve had enough. The issue is not with me, the issue is her dishonesty, infidelity and disrespect. End of story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 That's why I made my post....to flush the truth out of you, to make you really see it, to make you think. Now that you see her behavior is who she really is, ending it is your answer. Ding ding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 That's why I made my post....to flush the truth out of you, to make you really see it, to make you think. Now that you see her behavior is who she really is, ending it is your answer. Ding ding. Wow I always found your post so spot on and one of the few women who actually get how women think. But this blew me away. Brava. Mind blown. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 That's why I made my post....to flush the truth out of you, to make you really see it, to make you think. Now that you see her behavior is who she really is, ending it is your answer. Ding ding. Whoa... Ten characters Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 OP, never get into a serious relationship nor marry anyone who has boundary issues with ex's or the opposite sex. That is unless you want to torture yourself and be heart broken. Imagine having these issues with children brought into the middle of it. Now what? Yeah, think ahead a little and respect yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 That's why I made my post....to flush the truth out of you, to make you really see it, to make you think. Now that you see her behavior is who she really is, ending it is your answer. Ding ding. Bravo smackie. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I haven't done that in a long time, funny how it still works after all these years. Link to post Share on other sites
Thingsfallapart Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Op, What happened? Give us an update? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JVort Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 Its over. I had to end it for this and other reasons. She never gave me any reason for the delete nor even admitted it. She deflected. All par for the course. My trust is shot as a result. Tough breakup.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Its over. I had to end it for this and other reasons. She never gave me any reason for the delete nor even admitted it. She deflected. All par for the course. My trust is shot as a result. Tough breakup.... I'm sorry you have to go through this. I had an ex that behaved this way. He would always dismiss my concerns by stating that it was all very innocent and that these women were friends. Then he cheated. While this is painful for you, stay true to your boundaries. This is not appropriate behavior in a relationship. And if she is choosing her communication with these men over you, then it is apparent she has other priorities. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 She was a horrible GF. You deserve so much better! If you ever have a run in with someone with this type of behavior, don't put up with it...kick them to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JVort Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 She was a horrible GF. You deserve so much better! If you ever have a run in with someone with this type of behavior, don't put up with it...kick them to the curb. Yeah, she even gaslighted me after I confronted her. That was even worse than the possible affair. She lost all credibility. It was awful but at least it made it clear I was doing the right thing. She has a lot of issues to work out. Part of me wants to know what happened and wants to catch her in a lie red handed but that won't help me heal. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 If it doen't feel right then it's not. There are times you just have to go by your gut instinct, and not bother with "actual" proof. There were too many thing pointing in that direction...it was enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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