JVort Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 So Im new here and Ive had this issue with my GF the last few months. Weve been dating fior a year and she has a "friend" who she speaks with semi regularly. They went on one date and shes said there is nothing there. This fella consistently invites her away, tells her hes smitten, that he wants to be with her. My GF says she has maybe flirted with him once but that she has taken the compliments with Grace and not commented. She says he adds value to her life and she wont stop talking to him. That there is nothing there. Ive never asked that but I have said its inconsiderate and disrespectful and asked her to put herself in my shoes. As far as I know, she hasnt told him shes in a relationship, nor set any boundaries.. This has created tension in the relationship bc Im not sure if I trust her. Shes fliirted before and she doesnt seem to take my feelings into my consideration. Im not asking her to stop speaking to him but I think its completely reasonable that she tell him she's in a relationship. Then she can set boundaries if the guy keeps obsessing on her. What do you guys think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Given this: My GF’s ex texting her for a year. GF never mentions the relationship Seems like she's not very focused on your relationship; it's more of a convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I absolutely agree with you, she should tell him she's in a relationship. I have a man who has been doing the same, propositioning me for the last 10years. He knows that I'm married and he is married too!! My husband wasn't thrilled about it, but I showed him the texts (this guy always emails or texts me with flirty remarks) and my replies. Now he thinks it's pretty funny, but then again this guy is too shy to say anything at all to me in person he just turns bright red, so I think it's pretty funny too. If he were saying these things to me in person, I'd tell him to rack off or I'll get my husband to make you! Link to post Share on other sites
afroleonidas Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I've been in a relationship like this. Obviously she hasn't matured enough yet. Dump her, your attention isn't enough for her obviously and she has cheating tendencies. There are too many women in the world not to respect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
afroleonidas Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Nothing is funny about entertaining a guy when you're in a relationship. Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Given this: My GF’s ex texting her for a year. GF never mentions the relationship Seems like she's not very focused on your relationship; it's more of a convenience. Exactly. She's not that serious about you, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Given that she is dating you but allowing not one but two men to actively chase her, I'd say your GF has no boundaries. I'm not sure I'd continue this relationship, especially since she's only partially in it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 She says he adds value to her life and she wont stop talking to him. That there is nothing there. Her saying that "he adds value to her life and she wont stop talking to him", directly contradicts her telling you that "there is nothing there". As far as I know, she hasnt told him shes in a relationship, nor set any boundaries.If she has not specifically told you that she has made it clear to him and everyone else that she is in an exclusive relationship with you, then she does not view her relationship with you as being exclusive. Im not asking her to stop speaking to him but I think its completely reasonable that she tell him she's in a relationship.Since the relationship he seeks with her is not strictly plutonic, it is "completely reasonable" that you ask "her to stop speaking to him". You not doing this already is why she ignores your feelings on this. You cannot let someone walk all over you,and then later be surprised that they think of you as a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Life is short. Move on. Why disrespect yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Ask your gf to block him and never talk to him again. If she refuses you have your answer. You should then proceed to do what ever you want texting other girls what ever you want until you find some one else and dump her. That’s what she’s doing to you. She’s looking to keep her option open and monkey branch out of the relationship. Imagine her being the monkey with one hand on your relationship and the other hand looking for a new branch to grab before letting go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Just because you invested a year with this girl doesn't mean you should keep seeing her. She doesn't provide you a nice healthy relationship....you have been fighting against the current way too long, and you cannot stop her from what she is doing....sure it's wrong, and you can tell her till you are blue in the face...it won't change a thing...There is only one solution and it's to kick her to the curb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 The line "he adds value to my life" shows that she is self-centered and not relationship material, my friend. I would have pulled the plug on that a long time ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 The advice I am giving will change the direction of your situation, actionable advice that gives you control.... She is testing you, and you are failing terribly. A woman will always, in one way or another, direct or indirectly re-evaluate her man - she is testing you. The question in her subconscious is, 'is he still the 'best' man I can have'. Now listen carefully : the secret is not to be jealous/insecure but to be territorial. A very thin line, the first is unattractive and the later is very attractive."she doesnt seem to take my feelings into my consideration" : very unattractive attitude, has air of neediness, never make your feelings your womans responsibility, she isn't your mother, she is your woman, calmly direct your jealous to the other guy when u talk to her, 'That creepy dude has to keep away from my woman, he gonna piss me off now..' Do u really think she doesn't know what she is doing, do u really think she doesn't know what she is saying is getting to yo feelings,she does, but why do it...it's a test..its a test...'Are u worth staying with, or should I get another one..' : "Im not asking her to stop speaking to him" you are failing the test boy, u r busy trying to be civilized and doing the right thing, instead of doing the right thing as a man : this is the part where women say 'nice guys' are not attractive and arousing like 'bad boys' : Don't just ask her, tell her, demand her to stop fooling around, call her out on her behavior, she will argue, but call her bull...the test is this : 'deep inside he knows what is going on, but is he man enough to call it out, or he wont do anything just not to rock the boat / to avoid a confrontation/ risk a breakup ect' You cant keep a woman attracted to, who u can't risk/afford losing...If you are man enough you could even give her an ultimatum, 'You have 24 hrs to stop all communication with that creep or consider us over..' and then you go out for the weekend..and don't call her... Or make your attention expensive, start considering her less, better still, start chatting with a female friend, start calling her lesser than you used to, start having more fun outside the relationship, careless that she is flirting with this dude, even joke about. call him her gay friend...never react emotionally, very unattractive, have complete control of your feelings... Unorthodox advice, I know, but it works, you are re-establishing sexual polarity and attraction, the real reason a woman stays with a man...A part time womanizer, a player, and couch. . . Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 What do you guys think? I would dump her, without much of a thought. Crosses the line for me. Link to post Share on other sites
lostmyway82 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) They went on a date and she says nothing happen. You let your girl go out on a date with another guy ? When they tell you nothing happen we are just friends is when something happen. She has been fking him behind your back more then once, that is why they are still in contact for a year She treats you like a chump, but still sticks around with you for a reason. And with girls most of the time it is because you are providing her material stuff. Cut her financial, stop buying her stuff, stop giving her money, stop paying for her food and you will see her true colors. And for god sake, do what you need to do with her and dump her already. If you still need the sex you can keep her around until you find someone else. Edited July 29, 2018 by lostmyway82 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 she is your woman, calmly direct your jealous to the other guy when u talk to her, 'That creepy dude has to keep away from my woman, he gonna piss me off now..' Yeah, and make sure to bang your bongo a few times while you head back to your cave afterwards. Alternatively, you could try finding a quality woman who won't find it "unattractive" that you want your feelings to be taken into consideration, and who understands the modern concept of a relationship being a 50/50 endeavour. Contrary to what the above poster wants you to think, these women do exist, and you can have fulfilling relationships with them! Link to post Share on other sites
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