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Woman unresponsive after compliment


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When I was sick in a hospital, I told one of my professional caregivers that she has nice eyes. And I meant it as a compliment, that's all. I was NOT trying to flirt--I was too sick and not myself at all. She is younger than me.

Well, I am healthy again and I run into her a few times having lunch nearby. I get the feeling she is avoiding me or does not care to talk. She answers my brief question, like how are you and walks away and her eyes avert mine. she doesn't have time to spare at lunch and eats with her co-workers.

By now she knows I like her, but why does she act this way? So she doesn't want to go out with me. She could still be friendly.

 

I don't have any motives.

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GorillaTheater

If you're healthy now, why is it that you're even in her vicinity? How is it that you keep running into her?

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She may have had the impression that you were flirting and avoids being friendly because she thinks that it that may lead you on.

 

You may not have any motives but she doesn't know that except to wonder if you were trying to flirt and she may not like that -- she could be married, have a boyfriend or she may just feel uncomfortable.

 

I would just let it go.

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I think your “compliment” was making her very uncomfortable. I used to be pretty shy when I was younger. Whenever some guy would tell me I had a beautiful smile or I was so cute, I felt like I was being put on a spot. I might be fine having a friendly convo with the guy, but as soon as he made such comments, I felt like he’s going to continue to comment on my looks if I engaged in a convo with him. I think some guys misunderstand that all girls are flattered by uninvited “compliments”.

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You were hitting on her and she is avoiding anymore advances. So there you have it. She knows she can't be friendly or you will get the wrong idea...like so many guys that post on here, they simply assume a girl is interested in them because they are friendly...so girls have to shut down to make it clear they are not interested.

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Generally, if you comment on someone's eyes (or any other body feature), its often interpreted as flirting despite what your intentions were. Sadly it's making her uncomfortable and so it's probably worth apologising if the opportunity arises.

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It's like being a waitress. You get tired of dealing with people flirting with you. It gets old. It's just something else to make your job harder. Stop running into her! If you see her, turn the other way. She may think you're following her. Clearly, she's not interested.

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OP, your post says "she could still be friendly". This smacks of entitlement. She has no obligation to even acknowledge you, let alone be friendly. She owes you nothing. She's clearly not interested. So leave her alone.

 

Your post also says "I like her", as well as "I do not have any motives". This doesn't sound consistent to me. Maybe you clarify why then you are investing time in thinking and writing about her here. This all seems a bit creepy to me.

 

I only bring this to your attention because the inevitable result of you pressing a connection with someone who's clearly signaling no interest, is rejection with steadily increasing force, and eventually a restraining order. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere near that right now, but my point is this: No good will come from forcing her to have any kind of interaction with you.

 

If you're just curious as to why people might behave that way, it's because they have the right to choose how to spend their time, and who to spend it with. She is rejecting you, its' that simple. Find someone who appreciates you.

Edited by fredflint
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ExpatInItaly

Your compliment made her uncomfortable so she is avoiding further discomfort by avoiding you.

 

She doesn't want to be your friend because of the reason above.

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Your relationship was strictly professional. She likely gets complemented and possibly hit on, quite regularly, in addition to the moms who have single sons who are looking to find her son a "good woman." These things happen and it's par for the course. There are a lot of emotions in patient care and "imprinting." There are professional boundaries, and while this woman cared for you in the hospital in a professional sense, she is not interested in you on a personal level. Even if she did have some interest, there are ethical and professional breaches in involving herself with you...she could lose her job and license. It's a normal phenomenon that a patient may feel loving feelings towards a caregiver, and there could be inappropriate relationships formed as a result...thus various laws and policies.

 

Let this go. She's not interested in you romantically and not even in a friendship manner...and not in front of her colleagues. Given you see her regularly, I question if you are still a patient, in which case, you are off limits...end of story. You went through some trauma and possibly emotionally attached to this woman with feelings that aren't really real.

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Thanks for the replies. To answer your questions, I have doctor appointments in the hospital and this (single) lady eats in the cafeteria there and so do I. . Have not seen her now in several weeks--only for 1-3 minutes.

Well, it does not pay complimenting a lady if this is the reaction. Like I said, I had NO intention to flirt. I was in traumatic pain after surgery and she was a welcome sight. I am very aware that when people are nice to you because that is part of their job, it does not mean they like you in other ways. Anyway, I looked at her facebook page and saw we have nothing in common at all. I have made too much of this.

I don't know why I try. I thought ladies like compliments--my 2 sisters do. I hardly ever make comments of this sort because I am very alone.

 

I have a question for the ladies: why does a compliment like this make you uncomfortable? Because you think the guy wants you? Why does that make you uncomfortable? It is flattering to be liked, or does it depend on who the man is? Many women (especially in other cultures) do not mind and may

appreciate it.

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Sorry to tell you this but likely it wasn't the compliment but the person who gave her the compliment because she has no interest in you and didn't want to lead you on in any way. Trust me, if it were a guy she was interested in she would love the compliment and shown her pleasure. Now, that doesn't mean the next woman you compliment will not be receptive because she may be interested in you.

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Sorry to tell you this but likely it wasn't the compliment but the person who gave her the compliment because she has no interest in you and didn't want to lead you on in any way. Trust me, if it were a guy she was interested in she would love the compliment and shown her pleasure. Now, that doesn't mean the next woman you compliment will not be receptive because she may be interested in you.

To answer your question this is your answer^^^

 

 

It all depends on who is giving the compliment, what type, and the situation.

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ExpatInItaly
I have a question for the ladies: why does a compliment like this make you uncomfortable? Because you think the guy wants you? Why does that make you uncomfortable? It is flattering to be liked, or does it depend on who the man is? Many women (especially in other cultures) do not mind and may

appreciate it.

 

Because when it's at work, especially in a profession in which fraternizing with patients/clients/customers is frowned up or expressly forbidden, it's generally not the right time and place for a compliment. It's awkward. There are often professional protocols in place, and you have no idea if you have unwittingly overstepped a boundary.

 

I teach adults, and many of my students are men. I have been on the receiving end of compliments or outright come-ons from time to time, and I do not enjoy it. It makes me feel like they don't understand I am there to do a job, not find a date.

 

Lovely compliments can be very welcomed, but you need to use discretion about the time, place and delivery.

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OP, your post says "she could still be friendly". This smacks of entitlement. She has no obligation to even acknowledge you, let alone be friendly. She owes you nothing. She's clearly not interested. So leave her alone. Your post also says "I like her", as well as "I do not have any motives". This doesn't sound consistent to me. Maybe you clarify why then you are investing time in thinking and writing about her here. This all seems a bit creepy to me.

 

I only bring this to your attention because the inevitable result of you pressing a connection with someone who's clearly signaling no interest, is rejection with steadily increasing force, and eventually a restraining order. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere near that right now, but my point is this: No good will come from forcing her to have any kind of interaction with you.

 

If you're just curious as to why people might behave that way, it's because they have the right to choose how to spend their time, and who to spend it with. She is rejecting you, its' that simple. Find someone who appreciates you.

 

^^^This. All. Day. Long.

 

I have a question for the ladies: why does a compliment like this make you uncomfortable?

 

Because we don't know you like that and if you're a patient, we don't want to know you like that.

 

Also, if I'm working, I'm not there to audition for your girlfriend. I'm there to do my job.

 

Because you think the guy wants you? Why does that make you uncomfortable?

 

That's not what makes it uncomfortable. What makes it uncomfortable are all of the expectations you have attached to it that somehow you think we're obligated to make a satisfactory response just because you said "nice eyes". Ok. Thanks. The end.

 

It is flattering to be liked, or does it depend on who the man is?

 

It is flattering to be liked, but not by one of my patients in a professional setting whose bedpan I have to empty every day.

 

I have the only say-so in the matter concerning who I will allow into my intimate energy, not you. If you ain't that man, you ain't getting in. That's just how it is.

 

Many women (especially in other cultures) do not mind and may

appreciate it.

 

That's fine. Go where you're appreciated.

Edited by kendahke
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I told one of my professional caregivers that she has nice eyes. And I meant it as a compliment, that's all. I was NOT trying to flirt

By now she knows I like her, but why does she act this way? So she doesn't want to go out with me. She could still be friendly.

 

I don't have any motives.

On one hand you say that "By now she knows I like her", on the other hand you say that you "don't have any motives", you cannot have it both ways. If you like her, then you have exactly the motives that she thought that you had, and is trying to avoid. You should not expect women to play childish games, where she is supposed to pretend that you are not interested in her when she sees you looking for excuses to chat her up with such lines as you have "nice eyes".
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it does not pay complimenting a lady if this is the reaction.

 

And this is what makes some women wary of compliments. You openly talk of wanting some type of payback for it. At the very least, you expect some type of pleasantry during her social time. If someone makes a compliment for the sole reason of making another feel nice, they do not expect anything in return.

 

And please, no arguments about not being interested in her. You know she's single and you've looked up her FB page - so you're already showing interest in her personal life.

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RecentChange

OP, like others, have pointed out, she isn't obligated to be friendly to you, just because you gave her a compliment on her physical attribute.

 

Many would interpret what you said as flirting.

 

As a married woman, if a man, customer, client or acquaintance, told me I had "nice eyes" I would from that point on avoid him. To me, it would feel like his interest was inappropriate, and I wouldn't want to lead him on.

 

You have no idea how often "friendly" women get misinterpreted as flirting by men.

 

"You're really good at what you do" "thank you for helping me" would have all been nice compliments to give a nurse.

 

Complimenting her eyes wasn't appropriate in the situation.

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Lotsgoingon

Save those compliments for an occasion when someone is not at work and not working with you ...

 

I have a woman doctor ... if I complimented her eyes, that would seem like the weirdest thing I can think of. I am sure that would make her really uncomfortable ... Makes me weird just imagining that ... And my doctor is quite pretty ... and lovely ... with a great personality.

 

I do compliment her ... and thank her-- on her thoroughness and her memory!

 

She doesn't need some guy patient to be checking her out.

 

That's the last thing she needs. I tell my friends how pretty she is. I don't need to tell her.

 

Really in your situation, you want to focus compliments on the worker's quality of work and their care. That's it!

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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Men acting like you did is why every single female nurse, doctor, teacher, lecturer friend that I have on Facebook is there under a false name...so their patients/students can't track them and find out their personal details.

 

You can give a compliment...but the person you give it to is under no obligation to accept it, or respond to it. They don't owe you a damn thing.

 

Stop acting so entitled and go elsewhere for lunch.

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DrReplyInRhymes
Men acting like you did is why every single female nurse, doctor, teacher, lecturer friend that I have on Facebook is there under a false name...so their patients/students can't track them and find out their personal details.

 

You can give a compliment...but the person you give it to is under no obligation to accept it, or respond to it. They don't owe you a damn thing.

 

Stop acting so entitled and go elsewhere for lunch.

 

You know, that's crazy. The doctor I saw this past weekend was quite literally an Olivia Wilde doppleganger, complete with the eyes and all. While I was tempted to say such, I didn't want to come off as flirting with her for this exact reason. I almost wanted to ask for a different doctor because of this sole reason; she was damn beautiful and had the aura of someone so damn charismatic, it's hard not to want to socialize with her!

 

To OP: These doctors and nurses are there for their JOB. While you can definitely flirt, they are there to help you medically, not to score a date with you. It's a fleeting moment, enjoy it and let it go!

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I get compliments frequently at work. I accept the compliment with a simple "thank you" and a pleasant smile and continue performing my duties.

 

If the man who complimented me attempts to pursue the matter further, I simply inform them that I'm flattered but I'm already involved with someone, which is the truth.

 

My PA is also a very attractive man. He also encounters frequent compliments with flirtatious patients, and even other staff members. It got to the point when he tried to help a troubled female patient solve her personal issues in a professional capacity, it somehow created a serious problem with his marriage, and he ended-up in therapy.

 

My man is also very bold about giving compliments to other ladies. If any of them takes offense, he just shrugs it off and get's on with his life.

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I recall a popular country song: "If I tell you that you have a beautiful body, will you hold it against me?" ~That song gives me a laugh.

 

Seriously, many years ago when I was undergoing another big surgery, I asked a nurse to lunch and she accepted and we had a nice time. Never saw her socially after that. So it can happen.

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Lotsgoingon

Key words: many years ago!

 

Brother, the world has changed the etiquette about patients hitting on nurses has dramatically changed.

 

You can only imagine how much that nurse went and talked to the other nurses about this creepy guy coming onto her ... and then seeing the creepy guy and trying to stay clear.

 

Dude, you came in for a ton of mockery with her and her coworkers ... and it doesn't seemed you gained a wit of wisdom from all the thoughtful responses here.

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Lotsgoingon

Key words: many years ago!

 

The world has changed and the etiquette about patients hitting on nurses has dramatically changed.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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