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How do I stop getting jealous of my girlfriend wearing sexy/revealing clothing?


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Hello my friends, I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 22, We're dating for a few months I do not mind her wearing some low cut tops, short shorts/skirts, even okay but last week we were at a party of her stepmother's family and she was wearing a low cut top that shows a lot of her boobs (she has huge boobs) and I was jealous. I did not like it very much and I was in bad mood the whole party. Why she has to show off with revealing clothes? Even in a family gathering? I told her later and she did not say anything, nor did I hear an excuse or anything. That's a red flag in my opinion! Do you think I'm overreacting or I really should break up? Because I don't want to date a very promiscuous girl that enjoy getting attention of other men!

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You are overreacting in the absolute worst way possible - you acted like a child during the party, only talked to her about it AFTER that, and even then nothing seems to have been sorted out for you.

 

The mature thing to do, if you had been uncomfortable about her clothes, would have been to talk to her about it in a civil manner when she was putting them on.

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Males are conditioned to attach behaviors to certain sexual cues. I experienced this a lot as a young man watching the guys chase the 'big boob' secretaries around the shop, with the attendant locker room talk about their obvious promiscuity. As if they'd know. Often those women were married and had children. Men see what they want to see.

 

At 22, your GF is at or near the height of her sexual power. That's nature. Men want to replicate their genes with her. IMO, it's how she behaves which is indicative of the health of your relationship. I've seen it all over the map, from women who project an aura of respectability in their *behavior* to those rubbing their boobs on guys and doing the bend over cleavage smile thing and other obvious sexual behaviors. What kind of lady is your GF? IDK. What's her sexual and relationship history?

 

Myself, back when I had girlfriends or was married, I didn't give it much thought. If I trusted my GF/wife enough to be in a relationship with her or married to her, I trusted her to place our R/M as the priority. She's not dead and, yup, men will hit on her and yes they did. Part of life.

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What a joke, so I should be ok of her wanting attention from other guys? That doesn't make any sense. I will make feel jealous of me too!

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Does her behavior, not her dress, support her 'wanting attention from other men'?

 

You have a choice. You can feel jealous, sure. Emotions are generally outside of our control. How we process them into behavior is within our control. At 32, I trust you've interacted with a lot of women and dated some, had a GF or two and maybe even been married. You know how women are and what you want. If this young woman isn't a good fit, OK. How many women her age have you dated as a 30-something man? How does that compare to dating a woman your own age? Are you looking for someone to marry and have children with, live with, long-term date, etc? What's your relationship goal?

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Does her behavior, not her dress, support her 'wanting attention from other men'?

 

You have a choice. You can feel jealous, sure. Emotions are generally outside of our control. How we process them into behavior is within our control. At 32, I trust you've interacted with a lot of women and dated some, had a GF or two and maybe even been married. You know how women are and what you want. If this young woman isn't a good fit, OK. How many women her age have you dated as a 30-something man? How does that compare to dating a woman your own age? Are you looking for someone to marry and have children with, live with, long-term date, etc? What's your relationship goal?

 

I was married once and had a lot of girlfriends and a few hookups in the past. But she's the first 10 years younger girlfriend I have in life! About my relationship goal, I don't want marriage and children right now but I think one day I will.

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You feel what you feel. If you don't like her outfits & have told her that but she continues to dress how she pleases understand you can't change her. So you either have to deal with it or break up. She's 22 for heaven's sake. She enjoys showing off her body. If you don't like it stop dating her but don't slut shame her either.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Eternal Sunshine

22 year olds are immature and tend to seek attention and drama. If you chose youth and looks, accept the consequences.

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Like I said, I'm ok with some low cut tops, short shorts/skirts, a little sexy but that party she was showing "a lot" of her boobs and that's why I overreacted a bit.

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You feel what you feel. If you don't like her outfits & have told her that but she continues to dress how she pleases understand you can't change her. So you either have to deal with it or break up. She's 22 for heaven's sake. She enjoys showing off her body. If you don't like it stop dating her but don't slut shame her either.

 

22 year olds are immature and tend to seek attention and drama. If you chose youth and looks, accept the consequences.

 

Yeah I know the only reason I got her was her looks in the first place, as I was hooking up with her friend before we met.

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I recall one time when my best friend's wife was doing the boob rub on me in a low cut top and I looked over at him, kinda pointed with my eyes, he rolled his and we kinda chuckled. She was just being frisky and, yeah, oh my she's stacked. The moment passes and life goes on. Their 30+ year marriage was in no jeopardy. I was kinda happy for her that she still felt that stuff even at an advanced age. Yeah we get old but we're not dead.

 

You'll have to find your own way with this stuff. I never really got the jealousy thing due to relationships being more grounded in the emotional and spiritual rather than physical. When I did date younger women like you currently are (I was single until nearly 40) I was admiring of and proud of their beauty and the way they carried themselves including, yeah, being a sexual being. It was what they did with that which mattered. Your GF will do what she does. Sure, you can ask her to cover up/tone it down/whatever and the answer will be what it is. If you do, I suggest couching it in how you feel when she xxxx rather than issuing direct commands or requests. Good luck!

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pro·mis·cu·ous

 

 

adjective

adjective: promiscuous

1.

derogatory

having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She's NOT "promiscuous" at all. She's not sleeping with a bunch of guys. She's "flaunting" her body. Why? because she's insecure most likely and the attention is a way to feel good about herself. Not all 22 year olds are like this, but it does have a lot to do with age. I suggest you date someone a little more mature.

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pro·mis·cu·ous

 

 

adjective

adjective: promiscuous

1.

derogatory

having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She's NOT "promiscuous" at all. She's not sleeping with a bunch of guys. She's "flaunting" her body. Why? because she's insecure most likely and the attention is a way to feel good about herself. Not all 22 year olds are like this, but it does have a lot to do with age. I suggest you date someone a little more mature.

 

I don't want to date women in my age, most women in my age hit the wall lol and they're crazy about marriage and having kids. I don't want that, that's why I prefer dating younger girls from 20 to 25, 26.

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I told her later and she did not say anything, nor did I hear an excuse or anything. That's a red flag in my opinion!

 

Where is the red flag here? That she didn't have an excuse? What would have been an acceptable excuse for you?

 

I think you have to be very careful here and try and figure out the root of what is bothering you. You sound rather disrespectful to anyone who wears clothing that you consider too revealing, assuming this makes your gf promiscuous. While I wouldn't wear something very revealing at a family event, does this not put your mind at ease? She was wearing it at an event with you, with family, hardly going out on the pull! If she was going out on the town with her single gfs, I guess I could see where the insecurity comes from but....

 

At the end of the day, we don't know why she's dressing this way. Maybe she is confident and likes to feel good about herself (who doesn't?) and these outfits make her feel good. Maybe she is insecure and needs validation. Maybe your worst fears are confirmed and she's looking for someone else or wanting attention. The point is, her clothes don't define or tell anyone anything. Either you trust her in your relationship, or you don't. That's what it comes down to. And if you don't trust her, you should dump her for that, not for the clothes she wears.

 

Out of curiosity, how did you approach this with her? Were you accusatory? I don't think being in a mood for a whole party because of her outfit is necessarily the best and most mature reaction. Especially around her family in a new relationship.

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Where is the red flag here? That she didn't have an excuse? What would have been an acceptable excuse for you?

 

I think you have to be very careful here and try and figure out the root of what is bothering you. You sound rather disrespectful to anyone who wears clothing that you consider too revealing, assuming this makes your gf promiscuous. While I wouldn't wear something very revealing at a family event, does this not put your mind at ease? She was wearing it at an event with you, with family, hardly going out on the pull! If she was going out on the town with her single gfs, I guess I could see where the insecurity comes from but....

 

At the end of the day, we don't know why she's dressing this way. Maybe she is confident and likes to feel good about herself (who doesn't?) and these outfits make her feel good. Maybe she is insecure and needs validation. Maybe your worst fears are confirmed and she's looking for someone else or wanting attention. The point is, her clothes don't define or tell anyone anything. Either you trust her in your relationship, or you don't. That's what it comes down to. And if you don't trust her, you should dump her for that, not for the clothes she wears.

 

Out of curiosity, how did you approach this with her? Were you accusatory? I don't think being in a mood for a whole party because of her outfit is necessarily the best and most mature reaction. Especially around her family in a new relationship.

 

Yeah I was in bad mood the whole party and I told her about this and other reasons I was upset when we got home.

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22-year-olds don't dress like old ladies, so if you want to date them, get used to it. At that age, I wore a handkerchief with two ties attached to it that tied around the back. You don't have any say over what a woman wears. She is who she is. If you don't like it, don't date her, rather than trying to sulk your way into controlling her. I'm surprised she hasn't said this to you: Okay, Dad.

Edited by preraph
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You've only dated her for a few months and you're riddled with insecurity. Based on your past threads about her, this is not the relationship for you. It doesn't have much to stand on.

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amaysngrace

You shouldn't dictate what she should or shouldn't wear because it makes it seem like you're a controlling person.

 

It also wasn't nice of you to sulk at the family function or whatever it was that you two were at just because of what she wore. That sounds like a bad time of what should've been fun.

 

But if you do plan to stay with her and it bothers you that much then maybe take her high-end clothes shopping and pay for all of it just like Richard Gere did in Pretty Woman.

 

Good luck!

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I hate to say it, but when she didn't have a reaction one way or another when you told her what was bothering you, it was probably because she was beginning to see you as her father, instead of a boyfriend. Be prepared for the brush off. Next time, get a girl who dresses more conservatively...

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Why do you say this?

 

 

Because this:

You've only dated her for a few months and you're riddled with insecurity. Based on your past threads about her, this is not the relationship for you. It doesn't have much to stand on.
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Lotsgoingon

Telling her she is dressed inappropriately ... that ain't gonna work ... frankly because that's what we tell children ... She is an adult and she doesn't owe you any particular kind of dress code ...

 

Now, if you don't like the way she dresses, then that's fine ... that's YOU not liking the way she dresses ... and that’s vital information for you to know and consider.

 

Rather than trying to change her … and possibly shame her … a much better move (I have learned the hard way) is to assume this is genuinely how she is … and decide whether you want to be with someone who dresses like this. Your situation, btw, is not the same as telling a partner that we think they look spectacular in blue ... or telling them they should get rid of some old ugly shoes that are worn out. Your situation is way different.

 

The way a person dresses is, to use a pun, quite revealing. I would definitely NOT want to be with someone who comes to family gatherings in revealing clothes. In my experience when people dress like this, they have other issues going on. Red flag? Yes, huge waving red flag! But let me be clear ... the biggest red flag is that you don't like the way she dresses.

 

To highlight the contrast here, I once had a woman come meet my family dressed in a knockout, stylish and elegant outfit. I didn’t feel the slightest bit awkward, nor did my family—all of us dressed quite plainly. We knew she was trying to make a good impression and wanted to look good. And she did. Your situation is NOT like that.

 

Yours situation would be if my former girlfriend had showed up to meet my family in a bikini. The problem isn't the bikini. (We weren't near any beach.)_ The problem is the strange judgment and thinking that led her to choose to wear a bikini.

 

Bottom line: decide if you wanna stay with her or not AS SHE IS RIGHT NOW ... She's dressing her way for a reason ... And it may or may not be a sign of promiscuity. I would more chalk it up to immaturity (but not necessarily an immaturity she will easily grow out of).

 

No need to criticize her ... nor criticize yourself for being uncomfortable and "jealous." Let her go find a guy who's totally cool with a woman dressed in revealing clothing at a family picnic.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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If this is your reaction to her wearing revealing clothing at a family function, I can only imagine how well you handle it if/when she goes out with friends to places where actual non-related men her age will be.

 

You threads about this woman and your relationship continue to confuse me, since it sounds like you regularly find fault in her. You sound immature and insecure, neither of which are her problems.

 

Maybe find someone closer in age to you, or someone who only owns turtlenecks, since self-respecting women your age probably won't wanna pander so often to unreasonable insecurities and pouting sessions.

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I hate to say it, but when she didn't have a reaction one way or another when you told her what was bothering you, it was probably because she was beginning to see you as her father, instead of a boyfriend. Be prepared for the brush off. Next time, get a girl who dresses more conservatively...

 

And who could really blame her? At 22, she's ostensibly hitting that stretch of life where she won't be hard-pressed to find another guy. Maybe even one who doesn't sulk because she isn't wearing a potato sack to social events.

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